Does life get more peaceful when they die? (S4 Ep5)

A listener writes in with a question that many people carry quietly (and can often feel ashamed for even thinking)

Does life get more peaceful when they die?

This listener was adopted into a family where love was conditional and pain was reframed as devotion. A father who minimised abuse as “loving too much.” A mother whose behaviour ruined milestones. Public humiliation at her wedding. Health crises used as leverage.

And finally, a breaking point — being told to “fuck off” in front of her eight-year-old daughter, leading her from low contact to no contact.

After years of therapy, anxiety, depression, and recurring dreams about her parents, she asks the question so many adult children of abusive families wonder but rarely say out loud:

Does life get more peaceful when they die?

In this episode, we explore the reality beneath that question — grief without safety, guilt without repair, and what peace actually comes from (and what it doesn’t).

This is an honest conversation about the trauma of adoption, endings, longing, and reclaiming your nervous system when the relationship was never safe to begin with.

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Katie McKenna

Accredited Psychotherapist, Podcast Host, Author

BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast