Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

In this episode, Noelani sits down with therapist Kirsten Cheong, LMFT, Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician, for a grounded and validating conversation about what it really means to grow up with a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent. They explore how anxiety, perfectionism, fawning, hypervigilance, and overthinking often trace back to childhood environments where safety depended on reading the room, staying small, and keeping a parent regulated.

Kirsten shares how her early clinical work with adults in addiction treatment and children in foster care helped her see the long-term throughline of trauma, especially the way childhood emotional abuse often shows up later as relationship anxiety, people-pleasing, and internalized fear. She explains why many high-functioning adults look calm on the outside while internally spiraling, and how that pattern can be a survival strategy rooted in narcissistic family systems.

Together, Noelani and Kirsten talk about fawning as a nervous system response, the impact of walking on eggshells, the way narcissistic parents block healthy individuation, and how survivors often struggle with authenticity because they were never allowed to safely become themselves. They also discuss the “introjected parent,” that harsh internal voice that keeps policing behavior long after the parent is no longer present.

The conversation also goes deep into no contact. Kirsten shares why she created her guide for cycle breakers considering no contact with family, especially for those carrying guilt, shame, and cultural conditioning around being a “good daughter” or “good son.” Both Noelani and Kirsten are clear that no contact is a personal choice, not a mandate, but they name how life-changing it can be for people leaving abusive family systems.

They also talk honestly about the limits of AI in healing work, the importance of finding a therapist who truly understands narcissistic abuse, and why feeling cared for in a therapeutic relationship matters so much for survivors.

In This Episode, We Talk About

• How anxiety and perfectionism can grow out of narcissistic family systems
• Why high-functioning survivors often look fine on the outside but are overwhelmed inside
• Fawning, hypervigilance, and constant scanning for danger
• The long-term effects of walking on eggshells
• Why narcissistic parents see autonomy and authenticity as a threat
• The “introjected parent” and the critical voice survivors carry inside
• How guilt keeps adult children stuck in abusive patterns
• What it can look like to choose no contact
• Why therapy with the right fit matters so much in narcissistic abuse recovery
  
  

About the Guest

Kirsten Cheong is a licensed therapist in California and a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician. She specializes in working with high-functioning, anxious, perfectionistic adults, especially daughters of narcissistic mothers and survivors of emotionally immature family systems.

Resources Mentioned

• Beyond Mommy Dearest - Noelani Pearl Hernandez
  • Beyond Mommy Dearest Instagram
  • Beyond Mommy Dearest Website
  • Drop in Session Special - $19.99
• Kirsten’s Guide for Going No Contact with Family
  • Kristen's Instagram

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Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

When Healing Goes Deeper: Understanding Trauma Beyond the Mind with Heather Cypel

In this episode, we sit down with Heather Cypel, an intuitive psyche specialist, energy body specialist, and sacred union coach. Heather’s work focuses on the connection between the energy body, the psyche, and the physical experience, and how unresolved patterns can shape how we think, feel, and move through the world.

Heather’s journey into this work began through her own healing. After experiencing health challenges that traditional medicine couldn’t resolve, she turned to energy work and became deeply committed to understanding the relationship between human behavior, the psyche, and the energetic body.

With a background in history, anthropology, and a lifelong study of human behavioral patterns, Heather now helps others explore the deeper layers of their experiences and begin shifting patterns at the energetic level.

✨ About Her Work

Heather offers a range of services designed to support emotional, relational, and energetic healing. Her work centers on creating space for clients to understand their patterns, release what feels stuck, and reconnect with themselves in a more intentional way.

Her services include:

• Energy sessions focused on the energy body and stored patterns
• Exploration sessions and coaching around emotional and behavioral dynamics
• Relationship and sacred union coaching
• Classes and trainings on energetic and spiritual concepts
• Trauma-focused energy recordings to support release and integration

Her approach is rooted in the belief that healing happens when we begin to understand what we’ve been carrying… and allow it to move.

🔗 Connect with Heather

• Website: https://www.heathercypel.com/about-heather.html
  
  
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heather.cypel/
  
  

🌿 What We Explore in This Episode

• The energy body as a blueprint for lived experience
• How trauma can become stored and show up as patterns
• The connection between the psyche, energy, and behavior
• What it looks like to begin releasing what’s been held

💛 Support the Podcast

If this episode resonated with you, make sure to follow and subscribe to Beyond Mommy Dearest so you don’t miss upcoming conversations.

You can also follow us on Instagram for more trauma-informed content, reflections, and updates from the community.

Your support helps us continue creating these conversations and reaching more people who need them.

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Narcissistic Abuse & the Nervous System: Why Healing Feels So Hard (and Why You’re Not the Problem) | With Alea Coburn

🎧 Show Notes
What is the real cost of healing after narcissistic abuse?

In this deeply honest and emotional episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani sits down with Alea Coburn to talk about what it actually feels like to heal after growing up with a narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother.
We explore the concept of choosing peace at the cost of aloneness, and why for many survivors, being alone can feel safer than being unseen, dismissed, or emotionally erased.

Alea shares her personal story of survival, including the physical impact of trauma on her body, experiences with performative care, and the moment she realized she could no longer stay in relationships that compromised her well-being.

Together, we unpack:
Why narcissistic abuse is so difficult to name
How shame gets internalized in daughters of narcissistic mothers
What “social invisibility” does to your nervous system
The difference between real care and performative care
How trauma shows up physically in the body
Why anger is not toxic, but a source of wisdom
Red flags in relationships that survivors often miss
The emotional cost of staying vs. the courage it takes to leave
This episode is raw, validating, and at times intense, but it is also deeply empowering.

If you’ve ever felt like you were “too much,” “too sensitive,” or responsible for your own pain, this conversation will help you begin to untangle what was never yours to carry.

💬 Key Takeaways
You are not too much. You were unmet.
Your body is not broken. It is responding to what you lived through.
Anger is not the problem. It is information.
Being alone is sometimes the first step to no longer being invisible.
Healing may feel isolating, but it is also where you begin to come home to yourself

🧠 What We Talk About
Narcissistic mothers and emotional neglect
Nervous system dysregulation and trauma responses
Shame, identity, and overcompensation
Performative care vs. real support
Physical symptoms of emotional abuse
Red flags in relationships
Boundaries, anger, and self-trust
Choosing aloneness as a path to healing

🔗 Work With Alea + Learn More
Alea Coburn is a truth-teller, pattern seer, abuse survivor, and advocate who helps women rebuild trust, intuition, and health after narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and systemic trauma.
Her work is for women who feel unmet, unseen, and ready to reclaim themselves.
✨ Connect + Explore:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rusticpeach/
Website: aleatamar.com
Substack: aleacoburn.substack.com
YouTube: youtube.com/@aleacoburn
Self-Reprogramming Toolkit + Offerings: Available via her website
Live Event: Building Attunement For Her (2nd Run – April 3)

🔗 Resources + Links
Follow the podcast: Beyond Mommy Dearest
Work with Noelani: www.beyondmommydearest.com
Follow the instagrm: https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

🎙️ Too Sensitive or Trauma Alert? Intuition, Narcissistic Abuse, and Healing with Spiritbird Holton

✨ Episode Summary

In this powerful and grounding conversation, I sit down with Spiritbird Holten, a shaman and intuitive guide who has spent over two decades helping people navigate emotional pressure, relational dynamics, and major life transitions.

We explore what it really means to reconnect with your intuition after growing up in environments that taught you not to trust yourself. If you were conditioned to put others first, question your instincts, or believe everything was your fault, this episode will hit deep.

Spiritbird breaks down how emotional patterns are formed, why so many of us feel disconnected from our inner knowing, and what it actually looks like to begin coming back home to yourself in a way that is real, grounded, and sustainable.

🔑 What We Talk About

• What a shaman is in real, everyday language
• How trauma and conditioning disconnect us from intuition
• Why you were taught to doubt yourself and how to undo it
• The difference between fear and inner knowing
• Emotional patterns that keep you stuck in overwhelm and confusion
• Reclaiming your voice, your truth, and your sense of self
• What it looks like to move through life with more clarity, peace, and trust

🧠 Key Takeaways

• You are not broken, you were conditioned
• Your intuition did not disappear, it was overridden
• Healing is not about becoming someone new, it is about returning to who you were
• You can learn to trust yourself again, even if it feels unfamiliar

🌿 Connect with Spiritbird Holton

🔗 Explore her work and offerings:
https://holtonhealingarts.com/links/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

🧘‍♀️ Emotional Reset (signature tool for overwhelm + clarity):
https://pages.holtonhealingarts.com/the-reset_gl=1*1s3uo9w*_ga*MTg4NjM0ODQzMi4xNzcxMDE3Njk4*_ga_PGB8ETED8J*czE3NzM4ODQ5NDQkbzMkZzAkdDE3NzM4ODQ5NDQkajYwJGwwJGgw*_ga_D7ZY8MJJ9V*czE3NzM4ODQ5NDQkbzMkZzAkdDE3NzM4ODQ5NDQkajYwJGwwJGgw

🎙️ Listen to her podcast:
https://holtonhealingarts.com/links/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

Spiritbird’s work focuses on helping people release emotional patterns, reconnect with their intuition, and move through life with more clarity, confidence, and peace.

🎧 Listen + Watch

Make sure to subscribe, follow, and turn on notifications so you don’t miss conversations like this.

🎥 Watch on YouTube
🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and everywhere you stream

💬 Share + Connect

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it.

Follow Beyond Mommy Dearest for more conversations on healing, identity, boundaries, and coming home to yourself.

🖤 Your Reminder

You were never too sensitive.
You were responding to something real.
And you can learn to trust yourself again.

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

When Love Hurts: Inside I Love You, My Narcissist

Show Notes:
In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, host Noelani Pearl Hernandez sits down with Ali and Stefanie Schmahl, the producers behind the powerful upcoming film I Love You, My Narcissist. Together, they explore the emotional complexity of loving someone whose behavior is manipulative, controlling, and deeply harmful.

Allie and Stephanie share what inspired them to create the film and how their research into narcissistic dynamics led them to interview survivors and experts, including Dr. Ramani, one of the leading voices on narcissistic abuse. The film blends documentary insight with fictional storytelling to help audiences understand the patterns, confusion, and emotional impact that narcissistic relationships can create.

During the conversation, they discuss the subtle warning signs of narcissistic abuse, why survivors often struggle to leave, and how manipulation, gaslighting, and power dynamics slowly erode a person’s sense of self. They also highlight why it’s important to challenge the myths surrounding survivors and recognize that narcissistic abuse can happen to anyone.

This episode is a powerful reminder that survivors are not weak, that narcissistic abuse is often misunderstood, and that conversations like these help people finally put language to experiences they may have carried silently for years.

Learn more about the film and upcoming release:
Watch Party Sign-Up:
https://mailchi.mp/ilymn-film/watchparty

Trailer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fh6bzqrhYc

Teaser:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xjCWCuualc

Film Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/ilymn.film

Film Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/ilymn.film/

Alefcine Production Company: https://alefcinepictures.com/productions/

Alefcine Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alefcinepictures/

Alefcine Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alefcinepictures

If this episode resonates with you, please follow, rate, and share the podcast so more survivors can find this space.

And remember:
You’re not crazy. You’re not imagining things. And you’re not alone.

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Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

What does it really look like to break generational trauma while raising children of your own?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, I sit down with Isabel Lopez, host of Parenting Without Permission, to talk about healing from a narcissistic mother while actively parenting in real time.

We explore what happens when you grow up in survival mode, become the “invisible child,” and then have to figure out motherhood without a blueprint.

From immigrant family dynamics to being put in anger management instead of being heard, to consciously raising empathetic sons in a culture shaped by machismo, this conversation is raw, honest, and deeply validating.

Breaking the cycle is not easy.
It is intentional.
It is exhausting.
It is brave.

If you are parenting while healing childhood trauma, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Growing up as the invisible child in emotionally unsafe homes
• Moving from Colombia to the U.S. and navigating immigrant family trauma
• Emotional neglect vs. physical survival
• Being put in anger management instead of being listened to
• Why many survivors of narcissistic parenting don’t remember large parts of childhood
• How trauma affects the nervous system and conflict responses
• Shutting down, freezing, or exploding after being pushed too far
• Breaking machismo and raising emotionally aware sons
• Letting your children fully express themselves
• Reparenting yourself while raising your kids
• Why “breaking the cycle” is much harder than people think
• Finding joy while still healing

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani Pearl Hernandez sits down with trauma-informed therapist and neuropsychology specialist Dr. Victoria Liu-Johnson to explore the deep attachment wounds created by narcissistic mothers.

Using the famous Harlow monkey experiments, real-world examples like Punch the baby monkey, and decades of trauma research, this conversation unpacks:

• Why daughters of narcissistic mothers still long for their mothers
• How attachment trauma rewires the brain and nervous system
• The difference between having a parent who provides and a parent who feels safe
• How culture, colonization, and family hierarchy complicate narcissistic abuse
• Why self-blame is a trauma response, not a truth
• What healing looks like through a biopsychosocial and liberation-oriented lens

This episode is for anyone navigating the mother wound, complex trauma, emotional neglect, and the lifelong impact of growing up with a narcissistic or emotionally unsafe parent.

You are not broken.
You were wired for connection.
And healing is possible.

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Breaking Free: Healing Narcissistic Wounds and Rebuilding Self-Trust

🎙️ Episode Show Notes

Guest: Andressa S. Lopes

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani Pearl Hernandez sits down with author and healing guide Andressa S. Lopes to explore what it truly means to recover from a narcissistic mother. Together, they talk about naming abuse, releasing lifelong guilt, and learning how to choose yourself without shame.

Andressa shares her personal journey of growing up with conditional love, emotional neglect, and chronic self-doubt, and how therapy became a turning point in recognizing the pattern. Noelani and Andressa also discuss how cultural expectations, family pressure, and generational trauma can make distance or no contact feel impossible, and why chosen family and community are often essential to healing.

This conversation centers survivors and reminds listeners that they are not broken. They adapted to survive, and healing is possible.

✨ What You’ll Hear in This Episode

• Why acknowledging pain is the first step toward healing
• How conditional love shapes people pleasing, guilt, and low self-worth
• The role of therapy in waking up to narcissistic abuse
• Why many narcissistic parents do not seek real accountability
• Guilt, grief, and fear around low contact and no contact
• How narcissistic parents use power, money, and third parties to control
• Cultural and immigrant family dynamics that intensify silence
• How abuse impacts adult relationships and boundaries
• Breaking generational cycles and protecting future children
• The power of chosen family and supportive community
• Why healing is nonlinear and happens one step at a time

🔥 Key Themes

• Acknowledging pain without minimizing
• Reclaiming identity and self-trust
• Breaking emotional dependence
• Cultivating self-worth
• Choosing peace and freedom

📚 Resources Mentioned

• Rising from the Ashes: From Pain to Empowerment: Overcoming Your Narcissistic Mother – Andressa S. Lopes
• Six Ways to Live a Better Life Without a Narcissistic Mother (free guide) – Andressa S. Lopes

👤 About the Guest

Andressa S. Lopes is the author of Rising from the Ashes and creator of a healing guide for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Her work helps survivors move from confusion and emotional dependence into self-trust, self-worth, and freedom. She creates educational content across social platforms to raise awareness about narcissistic abuse and recovery.

🔗 Connect with Andressa

Find Andressa on Instagram, TikTok, and access her books and resources through the link in her bio.

💛 Connecting with Beyond Mommy Dearest

Guided support spaces and facilitated discussions focused on boundaries, guilt, grief, self-worth, and nervous system healing.

Low-cost support options outside the group through Zoom or WhatsApp.

A paid ongoing support group for deeper healing and consistent community.

• You do not have to do this alone.
• You deserve support.
• You deserve clarity.
• You deserve a life that feels like yours.