If you’re feeling like your family could use a break from screens and a reset, this is the episode for you. You may remember a podcast I recorded last year about how to do a digital detox. Well, that episode was based on an amazing book called Digital Detox: The Two-Week Tech Reset for Kids, and I am so thankful to have the author, Molly DeFrank, here with me today.

You’ll Learn:

• Why letting go of control can actually help you find solutions
• Our real-life experiences with digital detoxes in our own families
• How to help kids manage their boredom and big feelings without screens
• The 4-step method to a digital detox

Molly normalizes tech overuse (it’s not just you!) and lays out a simple, accessible way for you to give your kid a break from digital input, reset their nervous system, and allow your family to become a bit more whole and integrated. You’ll love our conversation and hearing Molly’s perspective.

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Molly DeFrank is a mom to six children, ages 8 to 15, and the author of two parenting books, including Digital Detox: The Two-Week Tech Reset for Kids. She lives in California and has helped thousands of families break free from digital dependence.

I often think of the pandemic as “letting the cat out of the bag” when it comes to screens. Even for slow tech families, school was online and our kids were spending way more time on screens. So now, 5 years later, our kids are struggling and we’re seeing a lot of families doing some course correction.

Molly shared that the vast majority of parents say that their kids’ screen use is their biggest parenting struggle and that “8 to 12 year-old kids are spending 40 hours per week on digital entertainment…13 to 18 year-olds are spending 50 hours a week. Our kids are spending the same amount of time as having a full time job being digitally entertained.”

Molly was heavily influenced by Dr. Victoria Dunckley, who coined a new condition called Electronic Screen Syndrome that is brought on by too much digital entertainment. It can disguise itself as ADHD, bipolar disorder, or OCD, when it’s really just the adrenaline, cortisol, and dopamine that is hijacking their brains. She saw so much of this that she decided to no longer diagnose a new client until they had undergone a digital detox. And most of the time, symptoms were resolved and medication was not needed. That’s how powerful this is.

Some of these symptoms that come with screen overuse include irritability, aggression, low frustration tolerance, problems sleeping, and inattentiveness.

Parents know that something needs to change, but they don’t want to deal with the fallout and tantrums of reducing or taking away screens.

I know you’ve experienced this. The timer goes off, and the monster comes out. The negotiations (just 5 more minutes, pleeeease) and big feelings begin. This is purely dysregulation from the transition from stimulation from that device to non stimulation. I call this the boredom gap, and believe it or not, there is so much hope and freedom on the other side.

Molly wants us to know that a detox doesn’t mean you’re signing up for 2 weeks (or forever) of screen tantrums. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. She says, “You’re actually getting your kids back.” A detox comes with benefits to your child's creativity, mental health, social life, and academics, as well as your relationship with them.

In fact, every parent she knows who has...

Today, I am so excited to introduce two special guests, Julie Scelfo and Julie Fruman, from Mothers Against Media Addiction (or MAMA). I believe so much in MAMA’s vision and mission for healthier tech and healthier families. I can’t wait for you to meet them.

You’ll Learn:

• How a simple shift helped my guest’s son love reading.
• Why the era of anxious parenting is making it even harder for parents to say no to screens.
• Short and long term risks of media overuse.
• 3 ways to help your kids develop healthier relationships with screens
• Why community is the key to battling media addiction

This episode is full of simple, practical ways you can help your family have a healthier, more balanced relationship with screens and media.

So sit back and listen to us talk about the hope for an environment where media does not infiltrate everything and our kids can grow up without overexposure to media and screens.

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Julie Scelfo is the founder and executive director of MAMA, and she has created a chapter-based grassroots movement of parents who are fighting back against media addiction. Her goal is to create a world in which real life experiences and interactions remain at the heart of a healthy childhood. She is an award-winning journalist, a former New York Times staff writer, a media ecologist, and a parent.

She says, “MAMA grew out of my own frustration as a parent trying to keep my kids safe online and realizing that the problem was beyond anything I alone could manage as a parent. At one point, I signed them up for software that was going to let me know anytime they were exposed to something dangerous. And I started getting over 100 emails a day. And I realized there's no way that I could manage all of that alone.”

Now, MAMA has a 3-part mission to educate parents, get smartphones out of schools, and advocate for basic safeguards on technology products.

Julie Fruman is the leader of the local chapter of MAMA in my community. For more than a decade, Julie has provided mental health support to individuals, couples and families. She holds a Masters degree in clinical psychology from Pepperdine University and is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice.

She hosts frequent workshops for parents, teens and tweens, encouraging safe, intentional, balanced technology use through the Conejo Valley Chapter of MAMA.

She says, “When MAMA first launched, I heard about it and I knew immediately I wanted to get involved. I loved the idea of having other parents around me and not doing this work solo. I like being with other parents who want the same things for our children and for the community, too. I wanted to do this hand in hand and not by myself.”

If you’re like a lot of moms I talk to, you just feel a little “off” when it comes to screens and tech. You know something doesn’t feel quite right, but you’re not sure why or what exactly to do about it.

Scelfo says, “We as a society right now are completely addicted to media and screens. Think of all the places we have screens. They are in our restaurants, they are in our cars, our elevators, our gas pumps. There's almost no place that you can go anymore and just enjoy the natural setting without being bombarded with information.”

And this constant exposure comes with some downsides.

Acute Risks

We know what dangers look like in the “real world”, but we can’t always see what’s happening online. Social algorithms often promote content that includes...

We’re a few weeks into summer, and you might be starting to feel like you’re in the doldrums. If you’ve been feeling frustrated, disappointed or sad that your summer isn’t going quite the way you hoped it would, this is the episode for you.

You’ll Learn:

• Common challenges with kids in the summer
• 4 strategies to do a summer reset and get things back on track
• Some thoughts you can borrow to create the feelings you want this summer

In this encore episode, I’m talking about how to do a summer reset and get things back on track.

You can read the full show notes here.

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Grab the free summer toolkit here and get a link to the full Calm Mama Summer playlist on Spotify, plus lots of other great resources!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Welcome back to another Confessions episode!

NOTE: This episode is a doozy. It might even need a trigger warning (sexual abuse trauma). But I KNOW it’s going to be really helpful on your healing journey. Listen when you feel ready.

My friend, Kristin LaFontaine is back on the podcast, and I'm confessing some of my deepest fears and how I spent years and years in what I call the fix it/fuck it cycle.

→ Fix it = hyper-rigidity, super productivity, high control behaviors

→ Fuck it = who cares, no rules, give up/give in behaviors

In this episode, I’m sharing all about my experiences in the fix it /fuck it cycle and how I got out of it. Hint - it’s all about self-love and self-trust.

Click here to learn more about Internal Family Systems (IFS)

The thing about dinner is that it happens every. single. day. And it’s typically the worst time of day for kids, especially littles. Plus, you might have sports or other evening activities in the mix. Today, Madison Wetherill of Cook At Home Mom is here to help you make preparing meals for your family easier and more joyful.

You’ll Learn:

• Why preparing meals feels so hard
• The most impactful thing you can do to cut mealtime overwhelm
• Ways to involve kids in the kitchen without creating more stress for yourself
• My strategy for handling meal prep when my kids were little

Listen in as we talk about the overwhelm and resentment that can come along with cooking and practical tips and tools to overcome those obstacles and even involve your kids in the process.

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Madison Wetherill is the woman behind Cook at Home Mom, where she inspires busy families to embrace wholesome, delicious cooking. Based in sunny Arizona, Madison juggles life as a wife and homeschooling mom to three energetic boys (ages 2, 7, and 9), blending the chaos of family life with her passion for creating meals that nourish the body and soul.

Madison’s culinary journey began after her college years when cooking shifted from a necessity to a passion. Whether she's experimenting with new ingredients or hosting family dinners, her mission is simple: to make cooking at home easy, enjoyable, and always full of flavor.

Madison says that while her dream Saturday is hours of alone time in her kitchen, she realizes that this is not the case for most people. For a lot of moms, cooking is a chore and definitely does NOT top the list of ways they want to spend their free time. Listen in to hear some of her best tips for simplifying family meals.

Madison recognizes that just the basics of cooking for a family can be overwhelming. There are so many moments between the beginning of planning and the finish line of sitting down to eat a meal. It’s a much more complicated process than we often give ourselves credit for.

She adds, “Then when you add in picky eaters or dietary needs or preferences or requirements for time or equipment, there are so many complexities to it, it's no wonder that it's overwhelming.” And, of course, meals are just one of many, many things you’re managing as a mom.

The first step is to get curious about what exactly makes mealtimes feel stressful or exhausting to you. Is it the planning part (or lack of a plan)? Time? Budget? Not knowing what to make?

She says, “There are different avenues and solutions for all of each of these problems. But I think so often we're quick to dismiss it and think, ‘That's just how it is. And it's never going to get any easier.’”

The biggest pain point Madison sees in moms is planning meals, which includes a few different pieces. First is having the time to plan. Next is figuring out what to eat, which brings in factors like picky eating, dietary needs, what’s healthy, what your family will like, affordability, etc. There’s certainly no shortage of recipes out there. The challenge is deciding which ones fit your needs and your family will enjoy.

💡Tip: Create a Meal Planning Routine

We can think about meal planning the same way we use intention in parenting. For example, if you want to feel less stressed about meals during the week, create a routine around meal planning. When you take the time to plan your meals on Monday, imagine how you will feel on Thursday night when you know exactly what to cook and your ingredients are ready to go.

Madison says, “Many practical problems you might have within the realm of...

Have you ever seen your kid do something and think, “They should know better”? I think we all have at one time or another. But here’s the thing - maybe they don’t.

Today, I’m talking about what kids don’t know so that you can adjust your expectations, feel less annoyed by their behavior, and help them learn the skills they’re missing.

You’ll Learn:

• Why our kids don’t actually “know better” a lot of the time
• How to balance social norms with a strong sense of self
• 6 ways to help your child learn important social skills
• How teaching social norms fits into the 4 steps of the Calm Mama Process

Parenting is a constant process of resetting limits and teaching new skills and behaviors. Listen to learn how.

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Reminder: When you’re teaching your kids something (like how you want them to behave), once isn’t enough. You’ll have to tell them many, many times. And every time they go through a new developmental stage, their brain grows and changes, so they end up needing to learn things again.

Let’s face it: There are a LOT of things our kids don’t know yet. Some of these are practical, like how weather, time, and money work. How to do specific tasks.

Today, I’m focusing more on social and behavioral skills, as these are the ones that tend to cause us the most frustration and can be really challenging to understand.

Every society has social norms - unwritten rules that govern behavior and dictate what's considered acceptable or unacceptable. These kinds of norms might be related to a country, religion, cultural group, or even smaller subgroups like a school environment or sports team.

And they can be helpful because they create predictable and harmonious interactions within our society.

When our kids do things that go outside of these acceptable behaviors, we get annoyed or embarrassed. We think they’re being rude.

But often, kids don’t actually know what is rude (and they just have no filter). They aren’t born understanding these social norms, and a lot of them are complicated and nuanced.

So we have to teach them how to behave so that we don't have chaos and confusion. Your job as a parent is to give your child the awareness, skills, and tools to know what behavior is accepted so that they can be successful in our society and culture.

It’s a lot of work to learn how to be a person in society - to understand which behaviors are okay in which settings, and a lot of mistakes are going to be made.

Kids learn to understand and follow social norms through socialization. Interacting with people in different types of situations gives them a basic understanding of what works in the world, and teaches them tools to manage themselves.

But we don’t just want our kids to follow the crowd. We also want to parent them in a way that preserves a positive sense of self. At times, it can feel like these two goals are at odds with each other.

On the one hand, we have social norms - Be nice, be smart, be athletic, be attractive, be helpful, be likable, care about others, don't hurt others.

Then we have social and personal values that might be things like be unique, be creative, be yourself, be authentic, take care of yourself, express your needs, express your feelings.

So, what if you have a child who is expressing their authentic thought that you have stinky breath? They’re being honest and using their words, and this also has an impact on the other person that might cause a social problem.

Teaching the nuance of socializing while being yourself is no easy task. We...

We’ve all been there. You make a plan to do something that you think is going to be really fun for you and your kids. But then, it turns out to not be as much fun as you thought. Your kids aren’t into it, they’re complaining, and you end up feeling disappointed, frustrated, and annoyed.

You’ll Learn:

• Real-life examples of shifting plans and expectations
• One of the guiding principles I follow to help with parenting pivots
• How planning and flexibility work together to create more peace and connection
• 5 steps to pivot when things are going the way you hoped

I’m talking about parenting pivots and flexibility when you’re dealing with grumpy moods, “I don’t wanna”s, and plans that get off track.

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Let’s start with a little story…

Years ago, my family was in Yosemite for a vacation, and we were all going bike riding. It was getting really, really hot, and we stopped along the trail so that we could go into the river and cool off. And one of my sons did NOT want to go in the river.

I was really stuck on this idea that we were all going to cool down in the river. We were cajoling him, trying to convince him to get into the water.

Finally, I realized that I could pivot from my expectation or my need for him to go in. I just let it go. I decided to enjoy myself in the water and let him enjoy whatever he was doing.

With that pivot, the whole energy shifted between the four of us because I settled down as the emotional leader in my family. My other family members settled down, and we were all at peace. We started to include my son in a different way that allowed him to participate. He would go to the backpack to get us some water or chips or take a towel back to the bikes.

He loved it, and it ended up being a really fun experience for us all. Because I was able to detach and pivot and shift into acceptance. To allow for people to be people. To allow for my own feelings and desires to be met. I trusted that it was going to be okay.

When you can detach from the desire for your child to participate in a certain way, you’ll be fine with whatever happens. Maybe they join you in the activity, maybe they don’t. Funny thing is, when you detach, kids often come back around and want to be involved. But if they don’t, you’re still okay.

This was a core principle of a church that I went to for a long time. The idea is that we have some basis of structure - a routine, plan, event, etc. But then something happens that you have to submit to. Maybe it’s a big feeling cycle, an illness, bad weather, or a new opportunity. And you have to adjust your expectations.

Being flexible and pivoting our plans was a huge struggle for me for a long time. Maybe you can relate.

Childhood trauma had me using hypervigilance and overplanning as a way to cope. And as a mom, I was really scared that if I didn’t overplan, my kids would act out, I would not stay calm, I would lose my crap on them, and I’d be a bad mom. I thought that by being really organized, I would keep myself and my kids safe.

But this isn’t an all-or-nothing. Having a plan is a really good idea. And we can be flexible in the way we respond when things don’t go the way we expect.

Every family needs an adult with some idea of how things are going to go. You need some kind of structure for when people are going to eat, what activities are coming up, how dinner, bedtime, and cleanup will go. Most families work well when there is some kind of rhythm and flow to your days and weeks.

But we also need to be able to submit to the spirit. In parenting, I think of this as

Let’s face it. Summer is great. And it’s a lot.

A lot of time with kids. Traveling. Extra meal prep. Day trips with snack bags. Feeling like there’s not enough time to get work done. Long days. Late nights. Sibling fights. Loneliness.

You’re going to need a plan to enjoy the season - and avoid burnout.

You’ll Learn:

• Why burnout happens
• Signs that you are approaching burnout
• The benefits of taking a break
• How to plan your Calm Mama Break

When you decide that taking care of yourself this summer and avoiding burnout is a PRIORITY - you will be creative and find a way to make it happen! And I’m here to help you do it.

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Grab the free summer toolkit here and get a link to the full Calm Mama Summer playlist on Spotify, plus lots of other great resources!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes