Have you ever said, “Be quiet,” or “Stop crying,” and meant well — but noticed it shut things down rather than opened them up? In this solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker (behaviour specialist, trainer, author, and speaker) explores how everyday language used in care, education, and family life can either build trust or break it.

Aimed at caregivers, educators, and parents, this thought-provoking episode shows how subtle shifts in language can transform your connection with the people you support — from young children to adults.

This isn’t about being “soft.” It’s about being smart with your words. Learn how to move from control to connection, from correction to collaboration.

The Able to Care podcast is proudly supported by Order your card today

• Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

• Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

1. The way we phrase things shapes behaviour and safety. Language can either escalate or regulate, build bridges or burn them.

2. Small changes in words lead to big changes in connection. Replacing “stop crying” with “I’m here for you” invites trust and emotional safety.

3. Words don’t just describe reality — they create it. From praising effort to setting boundaries with kindness, your language teaches people how safe they are and how capable they can become.

• 00:00 – Introduction: Why the words we use matter

• 00:43 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

• 01:50 – Connection vs control: The impact of phrases like “Stop crying”

• 02:14 – How language reflects mindset and changes how others see themselves

• 03:12 – Language as emotional regulation and safety cue

• 04:44 – Trauma-informed language: Validating vs dismissing distress

• 05:49 – Replacing correction with collaboration

• 06:36 – Building a growth mindset with words

• 07:53 – Avoiding minimisation: Why “it’s not that hard” can harm

• 08:28 – Reframing “mess” and “behaviour” in play and exploration

• 09:38 – The principle of positive phrasing: Say what you want to see

• 10:19 – The TARGET model: How to reflect and shift language patterns

• 11:14 – Final thought: Every word is a seed — plant safety, not fear

• You’ll gain practical, everyday language swaps that calm instead of escalate

• You’ll reflect on your own communication habits and how they shape behaviour

• You’ll understand how trust and safety are built one phrase at a time

• You’ll be better equipped to help children or adults feel seen, heard and respected

If you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or support worker, this episode will leave you thinking differently about what you say — and why it matters.

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining 📲 LinkedIn: Able Training 📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast 🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In this episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker is joined by Kathryn Lovewell, founder of Kind Mind Academy, award-winning speaker, and best-selling author of The Little Book of Self-Compassion, The Voices in My Head, and Every Teacher Matters.

Together, they explore how self-compassion isn’t soft—it’s essential. Drawing on Kathryn’s experience working across schools, prisons, foster care, and families, they unpack the power of mindful self-compassion in daily life, especially for those in support roles.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or carer feeling stretched thin, this conversation offers something rare: permission to be kind to yourself—and practical steps to start today.

We’re proudly supported by The Booster Way Community

• Kathryn on LinkedIn: Kathryn Lovewell

• Instagram: @theboosterway

• Kathryn’s books:

  • The Voices in My Head

  • The Little Book of Self-Compassion

  • Every Teacher Matters

• Andy’s book: able-training.co.uk/podcast

1. Self-compassion isn't self-indulgent—it's essential. For carers and educators, kindness to ourselves fuels how well we care for others.

2. We pass on our inner dialogue. Children and young people absorb how we speak to ourselves as much as how we speak to them.

3. Start small, stay consistent. Rewiring our inner voice takes time, but small acts of self-kindness each day create lasting change.

• 00:00 – Intro: The power of how we speak to ourselves

• 01:42 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

• 02:00 – Meet Kathryn Lovewell and her journey into self-compassion

• 05:00 – Understanding the inner critic and “Crusher” vs “Booster”

• 10:30 – Why self-compassion is so hard but so necessary

• 15:20 – How changing our inner voice transforms relationships

• 20:00 – Recognising signs of emotional depletion and burnout

• 28:00 – A guided Self-Compassion Break exercise

• 35:00 – The Booster Way: Building emotional language in families

• 42:00 – Creating a culture of compassion in schools and homes

• 47:00 – Modeling healthy self-talk for children

• 52:00 – Practical ways to calm and regulate during tough moments

• 56:00 – Busting the myth: Self-care isn’t selfish

• 59:00 – Final message: No one needs to suffer alone

• You’ll learn practical tools for calming the inner critic

• You’ll hear powerful real-life stories from education and parenting

• You’ll walk away with a new language to share compassion with your children and yourself

• You’ll discover why modeling emotional wellbeing is the most effective teaching tool of all

This is an episode for anyone who’s ever said, “I just don’t have time for self-care.” You do—and Kathryn Lovewell shows you how to make it count.

The Able Hub: www.ablehub.uk

Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge

📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining 📲 LinkedIn: Able Training 📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast 🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In today’s solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker shines a light on one of the most overlooked behavioural patterns in care and education: submissive behaviour.

When someone is compliant, quiet, or “no trouble at all,” we often assume they’re fine. But beneath the surface, they may be masking distress, emotionally shutting down, or building up stress that will eventually erupt elsewhere.

This episode is essential listening for teachers, parents, and caregivers who want to truly understand the people they support—not just by what they do, but what they hide.

Andy explores the cost of emotional suppression, the danger of unseen stress, and how to spot when “quiet” is actually a cry for help. If you support someone who’s “easy,” “shy,” or never says no—this episode could change everything.

We’re proudly supported by carerscarduk.co.uk/promocode/abletocare

• Andy Baker’s Book – Targeting the Positive

• www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

1. Quietness is not always calm—sometimes it’s a trauma response. People may mask distress by appearing agreeable, passive, or withdrawn. It’s not comfort—it’s survival.

2. Submissive behaviour is costly—physically and emotionally. When emotions are repressed long-term, it can lead to chronic anxiety, burnout, and even trauma.

3. Psychological safety allows people to show their true selves. Whether at home, school, or in care, we must create environments where people feel safe to say “no” and express emotion without fear of judgment.

• 00:00 – Introduction: The myth of the “quiet, good one”

• 02:05 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK

• 03:00 – Why compliant behaviour often masks distress

• 05:00 – What is masking, and why does it drain emotional energy?

• 06:00 – The physiology of freeze and submit

• 07:00 – The Coke bottle analogy: When pressure builds up

• 08:00 – Why meltdowns happen at home, not school

• 10:00 – How quietness can be a trauma response

• 11:00 – How disassociation shows up in care and education settings

• 12:00 – Spotting the signs: the cost of never saying “no”

• 14:00 – Why we must reframe “no” as a healthy boundary

• 15:00 – Masking exhaustion and emotional burnout

• 16:00 – A story of hidden pain in a school toilet

• 17:00 – Practical signs to look out for

• 18:00 – Supporting safe expression and psychological safety

• 20:00 – What schools and services can do better

• 22:00 – Self-erasure vs. authentic self-expression

• 24:00 – The final message: Notice, name, and nurture the quiet ones

If you’ve ever worked with or raised someone who “never causes trouble,” this episode might completely shift your perspective.

You’ll learn:

• Why submissive behaviour can be more dangerous than defiance

• How stress builds when there’s no outlet for emotion

• What to watch out for in “easy” children or quiet clients

• How to build safe, trusting environments where true feelings can be expressed

This is a must-listen for teachers, parents, support workers, foster carers, and social care staff who want to offer truly person-centred care and connection—not just good behaviour on the surface.

🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 📘 Andy’s book: Instagram – @abletraining

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