How to Be a Family

The Year I Dragged My Kids Around the World to Find a New Way to Be Together

De: Dan Kois

Narrado por: Dan Kois

In this "refreshingly relatable" (Outside) memoir, perfect for the self-isolating family, Slate editor Dan Kois sets out with his family on a journey around the world to change their lives together.

What happens when one frustrated dad turns his kids' lives upside down in search of a new way to be a family?
Dan Kois and his wife always did their best for their kids. Busy professionals living in the D.C. suburbs, they scheduled their children's time wisely, and when they weren't arguing over screen time, the Kois family-Dan, his wife Alia, and their two pre-teen daughters-could each be found searching for their own happiness. But aren't families supposed to achieve happiness together?

In this eye-opening, heartwarming, and very funny family memoir, the fractious, loving Kois' go in search of other places on the map that might offer them the chance to live away from home-but closer together. Over a year the family lands in New Zealand, the Netherlands, Costa Rica, and small-town Kansas. The goal? To get out of their rut of busyness and distractedness and to see how other families live outside the East Coast parenting bubble.

HOW TO BE A FAMILY brings readers along as the Kois girls-witty, solitary, extremely online Lyra and goofy, sensitive, social butterfly Harper-like through the Kiwi bush, ride bikes to a Dutch school in the pouring rain, battle iguanas in their Costa Rican kitchen, and learn to love a town where everyone knows your name. Meanwhile, Dan interviews neighbors, public officials, and scholars to learn why each of these places work the way they do. Will this trip change the Kois family's lives? Or do families take their problems and conflicts with them wherever we go?

A journalistic memoir filled with heart, empathy, and lots of whining, HOW TO BE A FAMILY will make readers dream about the amazing adventures their own families might take.

Reseñas de la Crítica

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"Borrows a page from Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love....this book is an antidote to the documentarian approach that now pervades much travel writing."—Monica Drake, New York Times Book Review

"This book shows how one family works, as a way of helping us all ask ourselves: How might (and ought) our own families best function? ... Discuss this book with people you care about, who also care about you. "—Los Angeles Times

"Kois is a self-aware, menschy, and amusing guide to this adventure, picking apart what you can leave behind, what you can pick up along the way, and what will follow you wherever you are."—Vogue

"A hilarious and honest book about how wherever you (and your kids) go, there you (and their screens) are."
—Real Simple

"An impressive body of research."—The New York Times

"An illuminating story of family connection in the digital age."—Entertainment Weekly

"Kois and his family actually take the dizzying leap to leave behind their lives for a year-a trek that takes them from New Zealand to Kansas-and the result is a unique book that every overstressed and anxious (meaning = every) parent should read."
—The Millions

"Kois, an editor at Slate, made a project of exploring what living in other cultures-in this case, New Zealand, the Netherlands, Costa Rica, and Kansas-could teach [his family] about becoming closer. The result is his heartwarming memoir."—The Washingtonian

"Might remind cinema-minded readers of the end of Bill Forsyth's 1983 film Local Hero...nicely tuned-in observations befitting a keen-eyed journalist."—Kirkus

"In thishighly entertaining and wryly insightful book, Dan Kois shows how elastic the very concept of family is. As he recounts his family's encounters with four foreign cultures, he illuminates not only those other societies, but also our own. He argues persuasively that we have much to learn from divorcing ourselves from our own assumptions."—Andrew Solomon, author of Far and Away and Far From the Tree

Lots of people talk about pulling up stakes and traveling for a year. Dan Kois and his family actually did it. He's funny and honest about how it all turned out."—Pamela Druckerman, author of Bringing Up Bébé and There Are No Grown-Ups

Good Read, couldn’t put it down

Fun book that lets you travel vicariously on this family adventure. Get to know the Kois family and the ups and downs of life on the road. Detailed accounts of Living in New Zealand, Netherlands, Costa Rica, and Kansas provide a different perspective than vacation travel.

Great performance good listen

I liked the how Dan spoke different accents at times. I also enjoyed hearing everyone’s voice and opinions not just Dan’s. I did expect a bit more adventure but I am pleased to have learned the good, the bad (the difference) in the cultures explored.

Really enjoyed! Funny, Good narration.

I love to travel but don't really like kids (haha) so I wasn't sure I would like this. But I loved it . So thought provoking about how other countries value their time, money and family life. I feel like I took this trip too and so much better for it. Thank you Dan Kois and family!

Interesting but poorly narrated

I enjoyed reading about this family's adventures living in several different cultures and environments. The family was relatable and the author had a dry sense of humor. Unfortunately, he mumbled at the end of about 50% of the sentences, talked too quickly at other times, and too softly at others. A professional reader who could capture the sensibility of the author would have rated a 5-star review.

Rare insight into parenting around the world

This masterfully narrated book provides a glimpse into cultures of childhood and parenting from around the world. The first hand experiences of the Kois family—and Dan’s raw honesty about those experiences—offer a personable and enjoyable foray into the topic. The sections on New Zealand and the Netherlands are especially compelling and insightful. They had me rethinking my own family’s functioning and how it is influenced by American society. I highly recommend listeners who want to continue to hang with Dan during his parenting journey check out the Slate podcast Mom and Dad Are Fighting, which he cohosts.