Far From the Tree

Parents, Children and the Search for Identity

De: Andrew Solomon

Narrado por: Andrew Solomon

* Selected as One of the Best Books of the 21st Century by The New York Times *

* WINNER of the National Book Critics Circle Award * Books for a Better Life Award * The New York Times Book Review’s 10 Best Books of the Year *

This masterpiece by the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon features stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children, but also find profound meaning in doing so—“a brave, beautiful book that will expand your humanity” (People).

Solomon’s startling proposition in Far from the Tree is that being exceptional is at the core of the human condition—that difference is what unites us. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, or multiple severe disabilities; with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, and Solomon documents triumphs of love over prejudice in every chapter.

All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent should parents accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves. Drawing on ten years of research and interviews with more than three hundred families, Solomon mines the eloquence of ordinary people facing extreme challenges.

Elegantly reported by a spectacularly original and compassionate thinker, Far from the Tree explores how people who love each other must struggle to accept each other—a theme in every family’s life.

Moving study of identity and unconditional love

This was a very long book with great emotional impact. It is very heartfelt and sincere and one of the most moving books I have read. I usually am wary of authors who read their own books, but the emotion of the author adds meaning to this text and is an important part of the experience. The book is a very personal exploration of the experience of parenthood of children who fall 'far from the tree'. The author interviews hundreds of families, focusing on parents with children who are 'different'. Most are children who are different from 'typical' society as well as different from their parents. The author refers to the identity shared with others not of the family as 'horizontal' identity. This is distinguished from a 'vertical' identity from family membership (i.e. father down to son). However the book also studies the issue of parents who purposefully or incidentally conceive children who share their horizontal identity. The issues the book raises are complex, emotional, and sometimes challenging and frustrating (not in terms of comprehension but rather in terms of experiencing emotionally difficult subject matter and politically/philosophically/religiously sensitive views). The book explores the limits of human morality and human dignity. The author concludes that the ability to sustain a horizontal identity with the love and support of parents and family is critical to a happy life for people whose lives are considered 'not typical' and that the ability to accept and embrace these horizontal identities -especially when it is foreign to us- is part of what 'love' requires.

I cannot say it is the 'best' book I ever read, or even the best I have read recently, but it is one of the most meaningful ones due to the weight of its subject. It's about identity, parental love, loss, fulfillment, disability, eugenics, abortion - pretty weighty stuff. What is wonderful about this book is that it presents the reader with the situation that initially faced the unwary parents and then pushes you to look at the situation from different perspectives. It discusses the implications of actions that are very emotional and asks you - or maybe forces you to examine the logical or illogical conclusions of your own beliefs and prejudices and those of the parents involved. It asks you to consider what you take for granted and what you are willing to reconsider in light of what you hear.

The book stemmed from the author's own experience of growing up gay with parents who initially rejected that identity in their son. He seems to have suffered his own homophobia as a result even after he grew comfortable as an adult with a gay identity. Thus, the question of identity and parental love is central to his quest to understand the many identities of the people in the different groups he studies - deaf children, those with autism, Downs Syndrome children, criminal children, schizophrenics, etc. Sometimes the book bogs down with all the different identities and examples, but it is always valuable and sincere and the multiplicity of examples helps to illuminate different aspects of the issues.

The book ends with a discussion of the author's own decision to become a parent. It's thus a very personal book as well as a study of parents and children with 'horizontal identities'. It is very focused on parental love and unconditional love and the nature of acceptance. Although I highly recommend the book, I think those who find it most satisfying will be those with some connection to people with horizontal identities or readers with very open minds willing to ask themselves questions that don't always have easy or evident answers.

You must read this book

It seemed to take me forever to read this audiobook because I kept re-reading what I had just heard. The honesty and respect for individuality is unique. Although the book is dense with research and background references, it is as readable as fiction.
At the end of each Chapter, I had to put it down to reflect on what I had just read. This book is as much about adult children and identity as it is about parenting.
I began telling friends, "You must read this book" by the end of the first section and my enthusiasm increased the more I read. I learned something even in the sections where I felt some familiarity with the subject.
Sections I considered skipping because they seemed irrelevant to me turned out to be the most thought provoking.
The people Solomon interviewed offer such a wide range of personal opinions; it was clear that Solomon can balance widely different conclusions and have them all be true.

important and very difficult subject

this was an eye opening book about topics I didn't want to have to think about. My girlfriend watched a documentary based on this book and thought it would be up my alley. I am a carpenter and can listen to books while I work. it was up my alley. my alley can be very dark. I do want to engage in the difficult topics of life. I do want to be more accepting of people and their struggles. it is sad how easy it is for me to close my eyes to peoples pain. To my own pain. this book was endlessly prying open my closed eyes. it was gut wrenching and I have to confess I skipped half of the progity and rape chapters and all of crime because I couldn't take it any more. It was very painful and has me wondering about my own difficult parents and grown child who is not doing very well. or perhaps she is perfectly disasterous. Life is suffering and through the suffering there is love, joy, pain and beauty. it was a hard book. I hope my eyes stay open.

Very Informative Stick With It

It is a fantastic read. I don’t know if it was because some of the chapters had no bearing on my life and that is why it came off really dry in those parts. There were some parts (particularly the last 6 hours...couldn’t put it down). Fantastic read if you’re into just learning about everything and anything!

Thank You Andrew Solomon

What did you love best about Far from the Tree?

This book is so beautifully written and important. I recently discovered my child is not who I thought she was and I am not afraid. No matter what you are going through this book will be relevant.

Any additional comments?

Should be required reading for everyone