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MARCH 29, 2019

Happy Friday, guys—we’ve earned it. This week has been a whirlwind, so if you, like us, are looking to catch up on some zzzz’s this weekend, we have a suggestion. And no, we don’t mean reading this newsletter to fall asleep. We’re talking about…

Napuccino time.

It’s the end of the week, you’ve been getting to bed too late, and you’re operating on a sleep deficit. According to a new study, you’re not just mentally tired—you’re also sabotaging your physical health. Researchers found that after just five days of getting five hours of sleep a night, participants had gained weight; some showed signs of pre-diabetes. Yikes! To feel more alert, experts recommend a “napuccino”: Drink a coffee, then get some shuteye for the 20 minutes it takes for the caffeine to take hold. May we also recommend you chase it with a listen to help you sleep better in the first place?

Phony balonies.

There’s so much real-life shady behavior going on (hello, have you listened to Billion Dollar Whale yet?) that we found ourselves wanting to revisit one of our favorite fictional scam artists, Tom Ripley. And this seems like the right time to do it as Patricia Highsmith’s Ripley series is about to be adapted for the small screen. While Matt Damon may have immortalized the twisted young man in his big-screen adaptation of The Talented Mr. Ripley, it looks like someone else will get to flesh out his journey to becoming a serial-killing bon vivant.

Fake it till they make it.

Special counsel Robert Mueller delivered his report on the Russia investigation to the attorney general on Sunday, and it was announced to Congress that there was no evidence of collusion on the part of the president or his aides. While the fallout from the report left many with mixed emotions, we word nerds can agree on the hilarity of a tweet from Pod Save America cohost Tommy Vietor that proclaimed we “haven’t seen this many takes on a document no one read since Infinite Jest came out.” Don’t worry, guys, you (hopefully) won’t have to fake it much longer. Audible will release the report—for free—if and when it is made available to the public by an official entity; in the meantime you can preorder it now.

Strangers no more on a plane.

One of our favorite narrators had the most charming airplane encounter (and when does THAT happen?). The golden-voiced Edoardo Ballerini noticed a fellow passenger reading a James Patterson thriller he’d narrated in audio. She had her earbuds in so he politely didn’t interrupt, but after landing they shared a cool moment—and we discovered that some people read and listen at the exact same time! We think this is low-key genius, not to mention serious #TravelGoals for having your in-flight entertainment come to life before your eyes.

Now this is the kind of bracket we can get behind.

The editorial team is light on sports lovers but strong on literature lovers, so we couldn’t help jumping into the March bracket frenzy by launching a tournament of fictional characters! Round one saw the elimination of the likes of Emma Woodhouse, Piglet, and Jack Reacher (it feels like there’s a joke here if those three walked into a bar), but some strong favorites like Arya Stark, Matilda, and Jamie Fraser are moving on. While we’ve been made aware some of our seeding was a little misplaced (that’s sometimes what happens when a bunch of nerds map out a tourney) we hope you’ll play and root for your picks! And stick around for our second annual March Ab-ness! No seeds. Just boyfriends. This we can do.
Till Next Week!
—the audible editors
PS—To close out Women’s History Month, we’ve launched a brand new character type in the Romance Package. She stands up for herself and defies convention. She wields her signature snark like a weapon when she needs to. She’s not all talk, though—she can back up her words with actions. Filled with grit, moxie, and plenty of attitude to spare, say hello to the Badass Heroine.