5,448 titles

Dad Is Fat By: Jim Gaffigan
“I’m getting fat I planned. Luckily, my gut is intentional. I’m actually preparing for a big role. Sure, it’s a cinnamon roll, but I want there to be room for it. Okay, fine, I could lose some weight, but I’m not going to hide behind some lame excuse. My paunch is no one’s fault but my kids'.”
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life By: Samantha Irby
“I feel like my sexiness is a thing that creeps up on you, like mold on a loaf of corner-store bread you thought you’d get three more days out of. One day you’re slapping me on the back like I just pitched the sh*t out of a Little League game, then the next you’re like, “Holy sh*t, this lumbering laundry bag full of damp tennis balls actually has reproductive parts, and, boy, do I want to touch them.”
Calypso By: David Sedaris
“This is a woman who tans the spaces between her fingers, who lies on the beach with her mouth open so she can darken the front of her uvula. She’s starting to look like one of those dolls made from a dried apple, not that it bothers her any. My sister is one of the few women I know who doesn’t dye her hair or bemoan the fact that she’s getting older. She embraces her impending decrepitude.”