Cut the crap. We’re two months into 2017 and this is where my head is at, and where yours might be, too. After December’s chaotic denouement — holidays, parties, cross-country travel — we were all given the gift of a shiny, brand-new year. Optimism reigned supreme. Personal trainers invaded your inbox: Squat your way to a better booty! In this hopeful hustle and bustle, even the most jaded resolution-phobe can’t help but list one or two or ten things she’d like to change about her life. It’s natural!
But now, weeks have passed and we’ve failed. Or maybe only I’ve failed. Either way, the persistently cheery mentality it takes to chip away at your flaws — or lay a foundation for your goals — gives way to the same problems of your old life. You know, the life from two months ago. The bloom is off the rose.
Traditional self-help books are great when you want to be zipped into a life vest, placed into a canoe, and gently pushed into a babbling brook. Who can afford those luxuries now? As the weeks tick by, what you really need is to be shoved off Niagara Falls. Metaphorically, of course.
What if, to truly unstick your habits, transform your life, make more money, or stop living a slothful existence, all that’s required is a more aggressive attitude? Enough hand-holding and sweet-talking. To really get shit done, I’m convinced, sometimes you need zero excuses — and maybe even a few F-bombs dropped along the way.
A number of recent books ascribe to this same take-no-prisoners approach. Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, defines not giving a fuck as being comfortable with being different and not caring about, in his words, “trivial shit.” He says, “It’s okay for things to suck sometimes” — and isn’t that exactly what you need to hear when things do suck?
In her parody of Marie Kondo’s decluttering book, Sarah Knight also implores us all to give fewer, ahem, cares about what’s going on around us. With a few (okay, 332) well-placed curse words, she cuts through typical self-help jargon. And you know what? Her advice actually sticks. Maybe the key to fulfilling a resolution isn’t gently reminding yourself with a vision board stuck to your bathroom mirror; maybe it’s getting no-B.S. counseling funneled into your ears.
Because when you listen to self-help books on audio, it’s nearly impossible to stay still. Absorbing talk of taking agency, cleaning up your messes, and realizing that of course time is finite and of course you need to take advantage of every moment of the day, well, it makes sitting around in your pajamas with your hand in a bag of chips a lot less attractive. You begin to move while listening. If you keep paying close attention, the advice can work magic in real time.
So if you’re stuck in first-quarter malaise or want to gin up some enthusiasm, try out these five unconventional personal development books. The narrators don’t yell or chastise, but rather sound like inspiring friends whose straight-talk mantras come across loud and clear.
Real Talk: “This book doesn’t give a fuck about alleviating your problems or your pain. And that’s precisely why you will know it’s being honest. This book is not some guide to greatness — it couldn’t be, because greatness is merely an illusion in our minds, a made-up destination that we obligate ourselves to pursue, our own psychological Atlantis. Instead, this book will turn your pain into a tool, your trauma into power, and your problems into slightly better problems. That is real progress.”
Stay Grounded: “It never ceases to amaze me the precious time we spend chasing the squirrels around our brains, playing out our dramas, worrying about unwanted facial hair, seeking adoration, justifying our actions, complaining about slow internet connections, dissecting the lives of idiots, when we are sitting in the middle of a full-blown miracle that is happening right here, right now.”
P.S. If you need a kick in the pants about money, her newest book, You Are a Badass At Making Money, is ready for pre-order.
Just Say No: “Not giving a fuck means taking care of yourself first — like affixing your own oxygen mask before helping others. Not giving a fuck means allowing yourself to say no. I don’t want to. I don’t have time. I can’t afford it. Not giving a fuck — crucially — means releasing yourself from the worry, anxiety, fear, and guilt associated with saying no, allowing you to stop spending time you don’t have with people you don’t like doing things you don’t want to do.”
Take Credit: “So before you tackle that closet from hell or prepare to do battle with the Crap That Ate the Dining Room Table, take a picture; then snap a few during the process, and take one when you’re done. Your brain may not see the improvements you’ve made, but your camera sure as hell will. It’s your objective eye that sees things much more clearly and accurately than the ones in your head when you’re in the middle of everything. Fire up the camera; it’s worth it.”
Lame Excuses: “But for people who don’t have their shit together, there never seems to be enough time. Too much on the to-do list, too few hours in the day. If their life was a one-hit wonder, the chorus would be “I don’t know, I’m just really bad at time management.” Again, I’m forced to demolish some lame excuses here. Time is both infinite (until a giant asteroid wipes out Earth) and finite, in that there are only twenty-four hours in any given day and they must be used wisely. Time, like irritable bowel syndrome, can be managed.”
