Summary
Dr. John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a groundbreaking book that has revolutionized the field of marital research. Published in 1999, this influential work is the culmination of Gottman's extensive studies on married couples at his renowned “Love Lab” at the University of Washington. The book offers practical, science-based strategies for couples to strengthen their relationships and navigate the complexities of married life.
Based on over 14 years of research involving more than 650 couples, Gottman's book outlines seven key principles for maintaining a healthy and lasting marriage. These principles range from enhancing “love maps” to creating shared meaning, providing couples with actionable steps to improve their relationships. Additionally, the book introduces the concept of the “Four Horsemen” —criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—which Gottman identifies as behaviors that can predict the end of a marriage.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has gained widespread recognition and acclaim since its publication. It has been a New York Times bestseller and has been incorporated into the U.S. Army's Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program. The book's impact extends beyond the realm of self-help literature, as it has also been praised for aligning with feminist principles regarding shared power in successful marriages. Despite some criticism regarding its scientific rigor, Gottman's work continues to be a cornerstone in the field of relationship counseling and marital therapy.
Plot
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman PhD presents the culmination of the author's extensive research on marital relationships. Based on observations of over 650 couples in his “Love Lab” over 14 years, Gottman identifies key principles that can help couples build a strong, lasting marriage.
The book emphasizes the importance of a deep friendship and mutual respect as the foundation for a successful marriage. Gottman introduces the concept of “love maps,” which involve knowing and understanding one's partner intimately. He also stresses the significance of nurturing fondness and admiration, as well as turning towards each other in daily interactions.
Gottman outlines seven principles for couples to follow: enhancing love maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other, letting your partner influence you, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning. These principles are designed to help couples strengthen their relationship and navigate challenges effectively.
Themes
Importance of friendship in marriage
Building love maps and knowing your partner
Cultivating fondness and admiration
Turning towards each other instead of away
Managing conflict and solving solvable problems
Overcoming gridlock on perpetual issues
Creating shared meaning and goals as a couple
Setting
Published in 1999, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work emerged during a period of increasing focus on relationship science and marital therapy. The late 20th century saw a growing interest in understanding the dynamics of successful long-term partnerships, with researchers like John Gottman pioneering new approaches to studying couples.
While the book doesn't focus on a specific geographical setting, it draws heavily from Gottman's research conducted at the University of Washington in Seattle. His “Love Lab,” a specially designed apartment where couples were observed and their interactions analyzed, became the epicenter of his groundbreaking work on marital stability and happiness.
The principles outlined in the book are intended to be universally applicable, transcending cultural and regional boundaries. However, it's worth noting that the research primarily involved American couples, potentially reflecting some Western cultural norms and expectations about marriage and relationships.
Key Figures
Dr. John Gottman: The primary author and researcher behind the book. He is a renowned psychologist and relationship expert who has conducted extensive studies on married couples. Dr. Gottman founded the Seattle Marital and Family Institute and developed the seven principles for making marriage work based on his research. His pioneering work has revolutionized the understanding of marital dynamics and provided practical strategies for couples to improve their relationships.
Nan Silver: Co-author of the book. Silver collaborated with Dr. Gottman to present his research findings and principles in an accessible format for readers.
Research Participants: The couples observed by Dr. Gottman in his “Love Lab” over 14 years. While not named individually, these participants form the basis of the book's insights and principles.
Quick facts
The book is based on Gottman's research observing over 650 couples in his “Love Lab” over 14 years.
It became a New York Times bestseller after its publication in 1999.
The U.S. Army included the book in their Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program.
Gottman identifies “contempt” as the biggest predictor of divorce among the “Four Horsemen” of relationship problems.
The book emphasizes emotional intelligence as a key factor in successful marriages.
One of the seven principles, “Create Shared Meaning,” focuses on building a shared inner life and culture as a couple.
The principles are backed by Gottman's scientific observations of couples' interactions and physiological responses.
A 2001 study noted the book aligns with feminist principles regarding shared power in marriage.
The book has been criticized by some for lacking scientific rigor in its claims about therapy effectiveness.
Gottman's work revolutionized the study of marriage by applying rigorous scientific methods to observe couple interactions.
About the Author
Dr. John M. Gottman is a renowned psychologist and researcher who has dedicated his career to understanding the dynamics of relationships, particularly marriage. With over 40 years of groundbreaking research involving thousands of couples, he has become one of the most influential figures in the field of marital stability and divorce prediction.
As a prolific author, Dr. Gottman has published more than 200 academic articles and authored or co-authored over 40 books. His most famous work, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, became a New York Times bestseller and has helped countless couples improve their relationships. Other notable publications include What Makes Love Last, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, and Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child.
Dr. Gottman's expertise has been widely recognized in both academic and popular media. He has made appearances on prominent television shows such as Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah. His work has also been featured in numerous publications, including The New York Times, Redbook, Glamour, and Psychology Today. The Psychotherapy Networker named him one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century.
Together with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, he founded The Gottman Institute and developed the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, a research-based approach to strengthening relationships. Dr. Gottman is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he established “The Love Lab” to conduct much of his research on couples' interactions. His contributions to the field of relationship psychology continue to shape how we understand and improve marital relationships.
