Summary
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, MD, and Rachel Heller examines the impact of attachment patterns developed in childhood on adulthood romantic dynamics. The authors describe three primary attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—and discuss how each style influences behaviors and expectations in intimate relationships. First published in 2010, Attached remains a trusted guide to understanding the complexities of attachment and fostering healthier partnerships.
Overview
Attachment theory originates from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's work in the mid-20th century. Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, proposed that infants form attachment bonds with caregivers to ensure survival. This attachment meets an innate need for security and protection. Infants stay close to the attachment figure, providing a secure base for exploring their environment.
In Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, Amir Levine, MD, a psychiatrist and neurologist, and Rachel Heller, a psychologist, focus on how the attachment patterns developed in childhood affect romantic relationships in adulthood. The authors identify three main attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—and show how each style affects interactions and emotional bonds.
Individuals with an anxious attachment style often worry about their partner's feelings and relationship stability. They are sensitive to signs of disinterest and may question their partner’s intentions. This can result in behaviors like seeking reassurance and fearing abandonment, potentially increasing conflict and dissatisfaction.
Avoidant individuals view emotional closeness as a threat to their independence. They express their need for space and maintain distance to avoid the vulnerability of intimacy. They often appear self-confident and unaffected by relationship dynamics. However, their preference for personal space can lead to misunderstandings.
Securely attached individuals are comfortable with intimacy and maintain a stable sense of self-worth in relationships. They communicate openly and give and receive affection, forming stable and fulfilling partnerships. Their confidence in being loved and valued supports these dynamics.
As the authors make clear, identifying one's own attachment style and that of a partner can foster healthier relationships. This understanding helps individuals break counterproductive patterns and seek partners who meet their attachment needs. The concept of the "dependency paradox" suggests that mutual dependency can lead to greater independence and courage, harnessing the benefits of healthy interdependence.
