Summary
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, MD, and Rachel Heller examines the impact of attachment patterns developed in childhood on adulthood romantic dynamics. The authors describe three primary attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—and discuss how each style influences behaviors and expectations in intimate relationships. First published in 2010, Attached remains a trusted guide to understanding the complexities of attachment and fostering healthier partnerships.
Overview
Attachment theory originates from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's work in the mid-20th century. Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, proposed that infants form attachment bonds with caregivers to ensure survival. This attachment meets an innate need for security and protection. Infants stay close to the attachment figure, providing a secure base for exploring their environment.
In Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, Amir Levine, MD, a psychiatrist and neurologist, and Rachel Heller, a psychologist, focus on how the attachment patterns developed in childhood affect romantic relationships in adulthood. The authors identify three main attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—and show how each style affects interactions and emotional bonds.
Individuals with an anxious attachment style often worry about their partner's feelings and relationship stability. They are sensitive to signs of disinterest and may question their partner’s intentions. This can result in behaviors like seeking reassurance and fearing abandonment, potentially increasing conflict and dissatisfaction.
Avoidant individuals view emotional closeness as a threat to their independence. They express their need for space and maintain distance to avoid the vulnerability of intimacy. They often appear self-confident and unaffected by relationship dynamics. However, their preference for personal space can lead to misunderstandings.
Securely attached individuals are comfortable with intimacy and maintain a stable sense of self-worth in relationships. They communicate openly and give and receive affection, forming stable and fulfilling partnerships. Their confidence in being loved and valued supports these dynamics.
As the authors make clear, identifying one's own attachment style and that of a partner can foster healthier relationships. This understanding helps individuals break counterproductive patterns and seek partners who meet their attachment needs. The concept of the "dependency paradox" suggests that mutual dependency can lead to greater independence and courage, harnessing the benefits of healthy interdependence.
What’s more, Attached offers practical guidance for improving romantic relationships through communication and boundary-setting. The book urges individuals to identify their attachment style—anxious, avoidant, or secure—and understand its effect on their behavior in relationships.
Dr. Levine advises expressing needs and concerns constructively, avoiding blame and defensiveness. For example, instead of saying, “You're always busy and never make time for me,” he suggests an alternative such as,“I feel disconnected when we don't spend time together.”
Setting boundaries helps ensure mutual respect, fostering safety and trust. The authors recommend finding partners with complementary attachment styles and recognizing relationship red flags early. This approach aids in nurturing current relationships and finding compatible partners.
Quick facts
Attached focuses on how attachment theory applies to adult relationships.
The book’s Coauthors, Amir Levine is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist and Rachel S. F. Heller is a psychologist.
Attached identifies three main attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant— highlighting their impact on romantic relationships.
Attached emphasizes that attachment styles, formed from early experiences, can evolve with awareness and effort.
Attached provides practical strategies to manage and improve relationship dynamics based on attachment styles.
The "anxious-avoidant trap" described in Attached is a common relational dynamic that cycles conflict due to mismatched attachment styles.
The authors use real-life examples and research, translating scientific concepts into practical relationship advice.
Attached has been translated into over 20 languages and remains a top-seller in relationship and psychology categories.
The book includes a quiz to help readers identify their own attachment styles.
First published in 2010, Attached has gained popularity on social media platforms like TikTok.
Amir Levine's insights in Attached were influenced by attachment theory's roots with John Bowlby's foundational research from the 1950s.
Attached introduces the "dependency paradox," arguing that effective dependence leads to greater independence.
Therapists and relationship professionals widely use Attached for its practical, non-pathologizing approach to relationship dynamics.
About the authors
Amir Levine, MD, is an expert in psychiatry and neuroscience, specializing in attachment theory. As an associate professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, he combines clinical practice with research in molecular neuroscience. He is the coauthor of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, a practical guide to understanding how attachment styles developed in childhood influence adult relationships. Dr. Levine's research and clinical insights explore human connections and their role in providing safety and security. His work advocates for a deeper understanding of social interactions and their impact on well-being and relationships.
Rachel Heller holds a degree in social-organizational psychology from Columbia University and has professional experience in educational psychology. As the coauthor of Attached, she worked closely with Dr. Levine to translate his research into accessible, interactive formats and ensure the book is practical and reader-friendly.
