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When Darkness Falls, He Doesn't Catch It
- Narrated by: Ross Patterson
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
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When Darkness Falls, He Doesn't Catch It
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Publisher's summary
You’re goddamn right. I’m still sitting at the same weathered wooden table in the back of Manhattan’s oldest bar where I just finished my first masterpiece, At Night She Cries, While He Rides His Steed. The second I finished it, I started writing this one.
I’m now 14 beers deep, and I’ve polished off an entire eight ball of yay. The phrase “everything in moderation” applies to everything except cocaine, booze, and prostitutes. If you haven’t read my last book then you probably won’t f--cking understand anything in this book, so you should probably go buy that first and stop being poor. It’s f--cking gross.
Let’s get something straight, my life is so important that you should be grateful I’m even doing this. Seriously, do you know another motherf--cker like me? Me, neither. So let’s get down to brass.
In the last book, I told you that I was going to off myself after completing my life story. That still holds true. My trusty handgun is still loaded next to my Remington Rand typewriter that Hemingway pissed on, and you know the f--cking bartender isn’t going to cut me off, so I’m going to sit here and keep writing my memoirs until I finish. To answer your question: No, I haven’t gotten up for bathroom breaks. I just piss on the floor.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 43
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 36
Hap Collins looks like a good ol’ boy. But even in his misspent youth, his best pal is Leonard Pine, who is Black, gay, and the ultimate outsider. Inseparable friends, Hap and Leonard climb into the boxing ring, visit their families, get in bar fights, and just go fishing - all the while confronting racists, righting wrongs, and eating a whole lot of delicious food.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Wringing every last drop
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 04-08-23
By: Kathleen Kent - introduction, and others
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The Real Animal House
- By: Chris Miller
- Narrated by: Todd McLaren
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 75
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 47
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Story4 out of 5 stars 48
Animal House, the film adaptation of stories Chris Miller published in National Lampoon about his experiences at a Dartmouth fraternity, is among the most beloved and successful comedies of all time. In fact, its portrayal of college party life is still imitated on campuses across the country: toga party, anyone? Now Chris Miller can finally answer the fans who all want to know one thing: was it really like that? The answer: yes, but much, much more out of control!
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5 out of 5 stars
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This book makes the movie look tame.
- By Arthur on 08-31-12
By: Chris Miller
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The Death of Cool
- From Teenage Rebellion to the Hangover of Adulthood
- By: Gavin McInnes
- Narrated by: Gavin McInnes
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,187
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,049
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,049
This is his story, or, rather, stories - lots of them, and all gut-punchingly hilarious, from that first far reach into a girl's tight jeans to turning forty with a cataclysmic party. In between you’ll hear about acid trips, threesomes, Nazi skinheads, his band Anal Chinook (Inuit for “warm wind”), Martians in northern Canada, throwing pedophiles in jail, dinner with the Clash, what happens when you crash Bill Maher's show wasted, and the true story of Vice magazine.
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5 out of 5 stars
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if you don't buy this book, the terrorists win
- By Kelsey Gholi on 04-03-17
By: Gavin McInnes
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The Taqwacores
- By: Michael Muhammad Knight
- Narrated by: Shahjehan Khan
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 46
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 39
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Story4 out of 5 stars 39
A Muslim punk house in Buffalo, New York, inhabited by burqa-wearing riot girls, mohawked Sufis, straight-edge Sunnis, Shi'a skinheads, Indonesian skaters, Sudanese rude boys, gay Muslims, drunk Muslims, and feminists. Their living room hosts parties and prayers, with a hole smashed in the wall to indicate the direction of Mecca. Their life together mixes sex, dope, and religion in roughly equal amounts, expressed in devotion to an Islamo-punk subculture, "taqwacore".
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5 out of 5 stars
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Quick, fun, interesting listen
- By Mark on 05-03-11
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The Chosen
- By: John G. Hartness
- Narrated by: Andrew McFerrin
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 86
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 77
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Story4 out of 5 stars 75
What do you get when you mix a couple of immortals, a snotty archangel, the Father of Lies, a redneck street preacher and a couple of wiseass waitresses from Texas?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good Story Bad Ending
- By Mario on 05-13-15
By: John G. Hartness
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Art in America
- By: Ron McLarty
- Narrated by: Ron McLarty
- Length: 14 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 83
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 56
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Story4 out of 5 stars 56
Art in America tells the story of unknown writer Steven Kearney, an aging man whose lifelong commitment to his art finally brings him to homelessness in NYC. Then miraculously he receives an invitation to become playwright in residence of a troubled Rocky Mountain town.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Another great tale from Ron McLarty
- By TypicalConsumer on 08-18-09
By: Ron McLarty
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The Drop
- By: Dennis Lehane
- Narrated by: Jim Frangione
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 520
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 468
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 461
Three days after Christmas, a lonely bartender looking for a reason to live rescues an abused puppy from a trash can and meets a damaged woman looking for something to believe in. As their relationship grows, they cross paths with the Chechen mafia; a man grown dangerous with age and thwarted hopes; two hapless stick-up artists; a very curious cop; and the original owner of the puppy, who wants his dog bac.k…
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3 out of 5 stars
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THAT IS LIFE,
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 12-06-14
By: Dennis Lehane
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No Angel
- My Harrowing Undercover Journey to the Inner Circle of the Hells Angels
- By: Jay Dobyns, Nils Johnson-Shelton
- Narrated by: Mel Foster
- Length: 12 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,372
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,129
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,124
Getting shot in the chest as a rookie ATF agent, bartering for machine guns, throttling down the highway at 100 miles per hour, and responding to a full-scale, bloody riot between the Hells Angels and their rivals, the Mongols - these are just a few of the high-adrenaline experiences Jay Dobyns recounts in this action-packed, hard to imagine, but true story of how he infiltrated the legendary Hells Angels.
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2 out of 5 stars
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"I would avoid this one..."
- By Chris on 12-27-12
By: Jay Dobyns, and others
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Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse
- By: Victor Gischler
- Narrated by: Scott Sowers
- Length: 8 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 171
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 157
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Story4 out of 5 stars 158
Edgar Award nominee Victor Gischler “specializes in morbid humor, dark sarcasm, and comic noir, complete with violence and mayhem” ( Library Journal). Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse picks up 10 years after the end of the world. Former insurance salesman Mortimer Tate leaves his secluded cabin and discovers a desolate landscape complete with cowboys, bandits, and cannibals, where the only traces of civilization are found at Joey Armageddon’s Sassy-a-Go-Go club.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Post-apocalypse with a touch of old west thrown in
- By Michelle on 04-17-12
By: Victor Gischler
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The Mother Road
- By: Meghan Quinn
- Narrated by: Greyson Ash, J.F. Harding
- Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 597
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 549
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 546
It all started when my brother, Paul, convinced me to go on one last family road trip across the Mother Road with him and my dad. Just like old times, right? Wrong. What Paul fails to mention is his best man, Porter, will be joining us, who just so happens to be my childhood crush and the man who broke my heart four years ago. What is supposed to be a fun family bonding experience across Route 66 turns into a war of pranks, awkward moments and bathrooms full of dirty flannel shirts and day-old beard clippings.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A little juvenile for my tastes.
- By Daniele on 08-18-17
By: Meghan Quinn
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From Here to Eternity
- By: James Jones
- Narrated by: Elijah Alexander
- Length: 36 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 460
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 376
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Story4 out of 5 stars 378
Diamond Head, Hawaii, 1941. Pvt. Robert E. Lee Prewitt is a champion welterweight and a fine bugler. But when he refuses to join the company's boxing team, he gets "the treatment" that may break him or kill him. First Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden knows how to soldier better than almost anyone, yet he's risking his career to have an affair with the commanding officer's wife. Both Warden and Prewitt are bound by a common bond: the Army is their heart and blood...and, possibly, their death.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Genius on Every Level
- By aaron on 06-13-13
By: James Jones
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Gun Church
- By: Reed Farrel Coleman
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett, John Keating
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 142
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 123
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 125
Kip Weiler is a self-destructive, washed-up, middle-aged professor. Once a superstar of the literary set, he has bottomed out after years of drinking and not writing anything worth a damn. As the novel begins, he’s teaching classes at a small, rural community college. Kip's talent, money, and chances have just about run out, when he rescues a classroom full of his students from a deranged student gunman who opens fire and takes the class hostage. Things then begin to change for Kip - seemingly for the better....
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4 out of 5 stars
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THE MAN WHO BELIEVES HE'S SEEN IT ALL IS A BLIND F
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 08-07-15
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The Beast of Barcroft
- By: Bill Schweigart
- Narrated by: Will Damron
- Length: 7 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 243
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 226
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Story4 out of 5 stars 227
Ben McKelvie believes he's moving up in the world when he and his fiancée buy a house in the cushy Washington, DC, suburb of Barcroft. Instead he's moving down - way down - thanks to Madeleine Roux, the crazy neighbor whose vermin-infested property is a permanent eyesore and looming hazard to public health. First Ben's fiancée leaves him; then his dog dies, apparently killed by a predator drawn into Barcroft by Madeleine's noxious menagerie. But the worst is yet to come for Ben.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Just Bearable
- By Nancy Chilton-Kendrick on 06-18-17
By: Bill Schweigart
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The Last Kings
- The Last Kings Series, Book 1
- By: C. N. Phillips
- Narrated by: Mishi LaChappelle
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 502
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 458
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 457
A city full of lies, deceit, and cold-blooded murder, Detroit plays widow to drug cartel after drug cartel, and the Last Kings are the latest to take over the throne. It seems that nothing can crumble their empire, but when an unexpected series of events take place and blood is shed, everything spirals out of control. Can Sadie and Mocha survive the game as the head women in charge, or will disloyalty and treachery threaten to end them for good?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it! Can't wait until the next Sequel.
- By Amazon Customer on 03-29-19
By: C. N. Phillips
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A Horse Walks into a Bar
- By: David Grossman, Jessica Cohen
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 228
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 209
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Story4 out of 5 stars 210
In a little dive in a small Israeli city, Dov Greenstein, a comedian a bit past his prime, is doing a night of stand-up. In the audience is a district court justice, Avishai Lazar, whom Dov knew as a boy, along with a few others who remember Dov as the awkward, scrawny kid who walked on his hands to confound the neighborhood bullies. Gradually, teetering between hilarity and hysteria, Dov's patter becomes a kind of memoir, taking us back into the terrors of his childhood.
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5 out of 5 stars
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An extraordinary experience
- By Judith on 07-28-17
By: David Grossman, and others
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Sawbones
- By: Melissa Lenhardt
- Narrated by: Suehyla El-Attar
- Length: 12 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 96
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 90
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 90
Wrongfully accused of murder, Dr. Catherine Bennett is destined to hang...unless she can disappear. With the untamed territory of Colorado as her most likely refuge, she packs her physician's kit and heads West. But even with a new life and name, a female doctor with a bounty on her head can hide for only so long.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Oh Yeah!
- By Syd Young on 05-04-17
By: Melissa Lenhardt
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Caverns and Creatures: Volume I (Books 1-4)
- By: Robert Bevan
- Narrated by: Jonathan Sleep
- Length: 32 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,821
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,627
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,619
Swords. Sorcery. Dick Jokes. Truly do the gods smile upon you, dear listener, for the first four books in the hilarious Caverns and Creatures series are now available in one audiobook set. Join Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper as they are thrown into a hostile fantasy world filled with magic and monsters, and ruled over by a cruel and sadistic game master who taunts and harasses them while he sits back and eats their fried chicken.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A great listen, but don't listen while in public!
- By Jonathan on 06-26-19
By: Robert Bevan
What listeners say about When Darkness Falls, He Doesn't Catch It
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Coolbreeze4
- 10-27-18
Funniest Audiobook ever recorded
This book just stole the top spot away from At Night She Cries, While He Rides His Steed. Which makes sense, both books were written by the same author, the amazingly talented Ross Patterson. Cant wait for #3, but Ill listen to both again until then.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- paul
- 06-10-19
I wish this book was my son instead of my real son
This book cured my cancer. it's like two nukes and a Corvette having sex. incredible.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Naode
- 10-10-18
fucking awesome
another amazing chapter in the tale of the incredibly humble and courteous St James St James. just buy the damn book, you won't regret it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Brent
- 07-15-19
best damn series
Ross really knows how to capture an audience. I couldn't stop listening, and finished it in a day.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Patrick burns
- 02-27-21
just buy it!!
what a ride! many twist's and turns..not for the faint of heart. can't wait for the next one.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 09-23-18
The new viagra
I went from six to midnight from the moment St James St James began talking and didnt go flaccid til the last word was spoken. which sounds impressive, but it's really hard to focus on driving with all the blood rushing down like Niagara falls.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 10-04-18
Ohhh My God....
This is fucking amazing! I cant describe this book... The performances where amazing! Ross delivers another killer book! I listened straight threw no breaks it was that good!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- hi-im-rob
- 02-14-23
Romance for Men
It’s pretty good. Author/Narrator is a genius. Me wife and I both love this audio book.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dallas
- 03-01-19
Best fucking book ever
This book is everything a man wants, drugs, sex, guns, and a good sense of humor. Ross Patterson is my new favorite author
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 10-04-18
Hilarious
Funniest book you'll ever come across. Would recommend to anyone who has a good sense of humor.
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