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Moms Who Drink and Swear
- True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind
- Narrated by: Nicole Knepper
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
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Publisher's summary
If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place.
Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts.
Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear", this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
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You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
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People I Want to Punch in the Throat
- Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges
- By: Jen Mann
- Narrated by: Jen Mann
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Jen Mann doesn't have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of moms' night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship, nothing's sacred or off-limits.
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Boring, not funny, and kind of mean
- By Jess on 11-22-19
By: Jen Mann
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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Idiots
- Marriage, Motherhood, Milk & Mistakes
- By: Laura Clery
- Narrated by: Laura Clery
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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A fresh, hilarious, and relatable collection of essays about everything from motherhood and marriage to sobriety and work-life balance (or imbalance) from the nationally bestselling author of the “honest, complicated” (SheKnows) Idiot.
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Tears and laughs!!
- By Anonymous User on 04-07-22
By: Laura Clery
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From Ashes to Flames
- By: A M. Hargrove
- Narrated by: Wilhelmina Grace, Noah Michael Levine
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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Five minutes after walking through the door, I hated the sexy Greydon West. I wondered why he’d ever had kids in the first place. The broody, single father of two didn’t know the meaning of the word fun. The only things my regimented, hot-tempered boss seemed to care about were his ridiculous spreadsheets. But for some reason, his prickly, stiff-mannered disposition made me curious about what was hidden beneath that exterior. Then, one day I stumbled upon the key that unlocked the mystery of Dr. West.
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Uuummm no
- By Margaret Acoff on 11-15-19
By: A M. Hargrove
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
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Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
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The Very Worst Missionary
- A Memoir or Whatever
- By: Jamie Wright
- Narrated by: Madeleine Lambert
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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After finding Jesus at a suburban megachurch, young Jamie Wright trades in the easy life on the cul-de-sac for the green fields of Costa Rica. There, along with her husband, kids, and the family cat, she intends to serve God and make converts. But she soon loses faith and falls into a funk of cynicism and despair. Fortunately, Knives the cat is there, looking on with just enough disinterest to make her laugh...and dare her to try another way. That other way turns out to be telling the truth. She launches a renegade blog, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, which wins a large following.
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Didn’t like the book
- By Jonathan on 04-17-20
By: Jamie Wright
What listeners say about Moms Who Drink and Swear
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Quinn
- 03-06-16
Moms who admit that they're not perfect
I could definitely relate to several of the situations that In my own life I felt made me beyond angry resulting in rants that included bad temper and cursing that made me seem like a fun-killer
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- Joanie
- 04-07-13
a funny look at raising children
I enjoyed this book. Sometimes it did fall into a story solely about her family and events, but the author did a good job of using those events to remind us that sometimes the chaos of family is what makes our family ours. I definitely laughed out loud a couple times and found myself tearing up. I was a little offended by the use of the f word, but expected some vulgarity because of the title. Overall, satisfied with this purchase.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Bre
- 05-26-19
absolutely love this book!
absolutely love this! she hits the nail right on the head! I can definitely relate to almost everything she says!
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- Scott
- 04-17-13
A Funny Look at Motherhood by a Mom who Cares
I’ve seen only five star reviews of her book (probably fans) on other sites , but here, mostly negative reviews. So, what’s the truth? I listened to find out. As usual with two extremes the truth is in the middle. Knepper is a clever writer. She’s not often laugh-out-loud funny but she will keep you smiling. Only rarely does she come across as trying too hard to be cute. Parents of young or recently young children looking to commiserate over the stress of the job, especially moms, should enjoy this book.
I came to this book wary. I expected the self-satisfied prattling of an ex-cheerleader ex-sorority girl (Knepper proves you can do either/both and not lose your soul.) trashing motherhood for the sake of cheap laughs. It’s not that. I expected highly irreverent, bordering on irresponsible, takes on parenting in the name of comedy. It’s not that either. Knepper had the guts (okay, chutzpah) to narrate her own material and does a competent job. Some will complain her voice is too perky or annoying but it’s her, it’s genuine, and that grows on you. She knows exactly how her writing should sound which we know is rare for many author narrators. She mostly writes about how hard it is to be a good mom and how the job will drive anyone nuts if they’re doing it correctly. It is absolutely clear that she really cares for her kids. I can’t possibly disrespect that.
It’s not JUST about parenting. She starts with a riff on difficult menstrual cycles & clueless men or how guys talk too much about their favorite body part, (ironic given that the very *next* chapter is all about girl body parts.) cleaning toilets (for some cheap potty humor - very literally), and quitting smoking, among things.
You learn she’s a relatively mature parent who became a mom after a decade or so of career. Born in 70, she’s a generation Xer and calls herself a “technophobe” trying to sound like the airhead she’s not and was clearly an early adopter of the Internet and social media, long before Facebook. She fully embraces her generation’s slang in her writing.
I didn’t get over my suspicions about Knepper as a decent soul until the chapter she wrote on the need to learn to “effing cook”. That humanized her. She eventually admits to several flaws which ultimately make her easy to relate to as just a normal person and not just a self-consciously clever one. That she gave up a career to be a full time mom and talks of skimping and cutting corners to make it on her husband’s salary makes her all the more endearing.
Not all her bits are home runs. One essay imagining her own son’s thoughts as he manipulates a waitress using cuteness in that way children learn to do to try to get a better dessert goes on too long. A few times I wished her rants bit “rantier” and more extreme. There's nothing too shocking or outrageous here.
However, more often than not, she tells it like it is. If you worry that your child is weird. (Doesn’t every parent at some point?) you will be able to relate to the weirdness she describes in her son. The battles described between siblings are also classic.
Overall there was less swearing and less drinking than expected while still being legion. Her parody of the “lice letter” that invariably all parents of primary age children receive from school is very funny. Her talk on “effing game night” and “field day” are some of her most powerful writing which she saves for last.
She’s most human when she explains relying on comfort food and cheap wine, to help her through the stresses of parenthood. I’d compare her to Erma Bombeck but I never read any Erma Bombeck. I can say Knepper is a mother and writer with soul. If you find parenting stressful (and you aren’t normal if you don’t) this book will give you a few laughs and help you to feel less isolated. I don’t recommend this book for those who have never been parents but are absolutely certain they could do the job better than the rest of us because we know you’re living in a fantasy world which has no basis in the day-to-day reality of parenting described in this book.
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7 people found this helpful
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- Kelly Kuczewski
- 12-30-14
Lol funny!
An absolute belly laugh kinda book! Don't listen to it in a quiet office if you don't want people to think you are crazy!! I busted out laughing so many times!!! Loved it and related to it!!!
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2 people found this helpful
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- AZ
- 03-22-16
Loved this!
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes, because all my mom friends can relate.
What did you like best about this story?
Reminded me of my life as a mom.
Any additional comments?
Great, funny book that moms with a sense of humor should enjoy!
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- MsDhiulhia
- 07-26-17
Can't get into it.
I first heard of Nicole Knepper through her Facebook page. I've followed her funny post for all these years (since 2009ish) I bought this in audible and I just can't get into it. Her way of narrating is annoying. The stories are not all that funny. I tried to restart 3x already, I've only gone as far as ch. 6. I can't imagine getting all the way to ch.30
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- E Goenner
- 04-07-13
Disappointing
What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?
An annoying narrator paired with a uninspired stories of mothering and friendship. Try The Cursing Mommy's Book of Days instead.
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3 people found this helpful
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- BA25000
- 05-21-19
annoying voice
waste of money. the voice was not plesant. i think I'll just read the book itself to avoid this
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- GH
- 04-13-13
Underwhelming trash talk with little humor
Wow! I have to give it to Knepper; she certainly has a vocabulary of swear words. I grew up in a trailer park so I have known my share of artists in vulgarity – an artist she is not. Knowing how to artistically turn a phrase with them -- nope -- big fail. If you took out the #$%$$#$ and the f-bombing, you are left with humorless pedestrian stories. I had so hoped for a little Sedaris-esq mix with a female twist. She did not deliver on any level.
There were a few moments that made me smile overall, but they were too far apart. I just can’t recommend a book whose sole impact and selling point is listening to a woman swear. Punch up the stories, get me rolling with laughter, connect me to my kids memories, throw in some potty mouth and now you’d have some success. Hard pass.
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8 people found this helpful