Rethinking Sex

A Provocation

By: Christine Emba

Narrated by: Christine Emba

Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins

Publisher's summary

Part searing examination, part call to arms - a bold case against modern sexual ethics, from young Washington Post columnist Christine Emba.

For years now, modern-day sexual ethics has held that “anything goes” when it comes to sex - as long as everyone says yes, and does so enthusiastically. So why, even when consent has been ascertained, are so many of our sexual experiences filled with frustration, and disappointment, even shame?

The truth is that the rules that make up today’s consent-only sexual code may actually be the cause of our sexual malaise - not the solution. In Rethinking Sex, reporter Christine Emba shows how consent is a good ethical floor but a terrible ceiling. She spells out the cultural, historical, and psychological forces that have warped our idea of sex, what is permitted, and what is considered “safe”. In visiting critical points in recent years - from #MeToo and the Aziz Ansari scandal, to the phenomenal response to “Cat Person” - she reveals how a consent-only view of sex has hijacked our ability to form authentic and long-lasting connections, exposing us further to chronic isolation and resentment.

Reaching back to the wisdom of thinkers like Thomas Aquinas and Andrea Dworkin, and drawing from sociological studies, interviews with college students, and poignant examples from her own life, Emba calls for a more humane philosophy, one that starts with consent but accounts for the very real emotional, mental, social, and political implications of sex - even, she argues, if it means saying no to certain sexual practices or challenging societal expectations altogether.

More than a bold reassessment of modern norms, Rethinking Sex invites us to imagine what it means to will the good of others, and in turn, attain greater affirmation, fulfillment, and satisfaction for ourselves.

©2022 Christine Emba (P)2022 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“It’s rare that a book hits the cultural moment with the precision of Rethinking Sex. Exploring very new attitudes toward this very old act, Christine Emba finds an entirely changed landscape from even a few years ago. Casual sex no longer prevails, “catching feelings” isn't a cause for embarrassment, and even though the kids’ aren’t alright at the moment, there is much cause for optimism.” –Vanessa Grigoriadis, author of Blurred Lines

“Rethinking Sex is an overdue attempt at writing down the very real frustrations that many have with today’s mating market, warped as it has become by cheap sex, marital substitutes, and all the other reasons that drive us away from the formation of the permanent relationships so many crave. The market mentality is entrenched, but Emba points readers to toward the way out.” –Mark Regnerus, author of Cheap Sex

Timely

I would prefer a more rigorous argument. But I think this is a much needed question about sexual mores.

Thought-provoking and much needed!

I really liked the author's narration. I've been thinking about and writing/speaking on these topics for a long time, but her ability to put them into a larger ever-evolving historical and cultural context was wonderful.

Thoughtful, honest, and compelling

As an ethicist, I agree with many of M. Emba's conclusions, though not all. Her arguments are thought-provoking, and I am incorporating some of them into my classes.

Excellent compelling thoughful

Engaging and cogent assessment. Even handed and remarkable description of the state of modern Western culture; frankness much appreciated.

Thoughtful, timely

like that sexual cultire, habit, and approach was gently and thoughtfullymoved between individual responsibility, shared (partners) and community responsibilities.

Great points, great perspective

I think it is a well thought out argument, even if I don't agree with all of it. Great thing is that there is balance, I feel more informed from reading it, than maybe judging it without knowing the content.

A must read!

This book was eye-opening, encouraging and inspiring! Let the healing and the new revolution begin!!!

Should be required reading

This is an important book for high school teens, young adults, and the people who care about their health and well-being. Any serious sex education program should include it as required reading.

A new perspective on intimacy

I enjoyed this book so much. I genuinely would recommend it to anyone of all ages and gender. I've already told my friend and even my parents about this book and how much I enjoyed it.
I loved hearing about society's attitude towards sex and intimacy after various feminist movements and other historical factors. The author mentioned things about sex that I thought about constantly and wondered if others felt the same, but she also talked about things I didn't even take into account until reading this. The author makes so many great points but I never felt like she was pressuring anyone to think a certain way, more just encouraging openness and discussion. Honestly, the book is named perfectly because I really did rethink sex and intimacy after reading it

Great food for thought

Excellent, thoughtful reading. Thoroughly researched. Well constructed analysis. Sensitive handling. Graceful personal touches. A welcome and overdue perspective.