Fault Lines

Fractured Families and How to Mend Them

By: Karl Pillemer

Narrated by: Sean Pratt

Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins

Publisher's summary

Real solutions to a hidden epidemic: family estrangement.

Estrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved - collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations. More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them. In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families.

Fault Lines shares for the first time findings from Dr. Pillemer's 10-year groundbreaking Cornell Reconciliation Project, based on the first national survey on estrangement; rich, in-depth interviews with hundreds of people who have experienced it; and insights from leading family researchers and therapists. He assures people who are estranged, and those who care about them, that they are not alone and that fissures can be bridged.

Through the wisdom of people who have "been there", Fault Lines shows how healing is possible through clear steps that people can use right away in their own families. It addresses such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful? Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative?

Tackling a subject that is achingly familiar to almost everyone, especially in an era when powerful outside forces such as technology and mobility are lessening family cohesion, Dr. Pillemer combines dramatic stories, science-based guidance, and practical repair tools to help people find the path to reconciliation.

This program includes a downloadable PDF that contains the Appendix from the book.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2020 Karl Pillemer (P)2020 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"Rifts and ruptures upend tens of millions of families, leaving a trail of sorrow and despair. But in this wise and moving book, Karl Pillemer combines academic rigor and practical advice to show us how to move toward reconciliation. Fault Lines is a book that will change lives." (Daniel H. Pink, New York Times best-selling author of When, Drive, and A Whole New Mind)

"Chronic, seemingly intractable estrangement blights many families in our stressed and fragmented culture. In this thoughtful, compassionate book Karl Pillemer shows that it need not be permanent and his perceptive, gentle guidance lights the way to reconciliation." (Gabor Maté, MD, author, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction)

"Fault Lines is a masterful study of the causes family estrangements, the reasons to heal, and the ways to make it happen. Don't waste a minute. Read this book and get back together." (Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells)

Well worth it

What a wonderful book!

I read this as an estate planning attorney interested in the subject because I see it so much. It really all starts with family. This gives many tools to reconcile and ample reasons why you should, even (especially) in situations that were traumatizing and awful.

If you are thinking about this book, get it.

Solid content

The author is clearly interested in helping people resolve family estrangement issues. With a deep body of research on his side, he opens a window into the complicated world of family ties. Note he supports a wide concept of family ties, which include close friends. This book goes along with other ones on negotiation and dealing with difficult situations.

Estrangement can be avoided and healed. There’s hope.

I have a strained relationship with my brother. I am working to avoid an estrangement by all means. I found Fault lines to be a practical handbook to navigate the delicate terrain of family relationships that become toxic. Setting boundaries and sticking to them stood out for me as well as seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Highly recommended.

A wealth of knowledge from first hand experiences

I started this book when my family experienced a rift ending in estrangement of many of its members after both of my formerly healthy parents becoming deathly ill in a matter of weeks of of each other. I turned to this book simply because I didn’t have any answers. Relationships I thought were lifelong suddenly became severed. I felt helpless and isolated. Angry and broken hearted. Hated and unheard. This book helped me understand rifts and the feeling of powerlessness that comes with closing doors and being shut out of the lives of family members. This book helped me understand that there are always two sides to every story but those sides, over time, don’t matter as much as the relationships. I felt less alone reading about others who had gone through almost identical situations if not worse. I think this book gives hope to those experiencing estrangement. If ever my family wants to mend bridges I feel like I’ll be ready on some level. Until then I found a great deal of comfort in these pages. Audible has a really great audio version.

Fault Lines is a great book.

If you're struggling with estrangement this book gives one a lot to think about.

Excellent guide to how we can reconcile

Outstanding book, filled with the perfect blend of stories and research. I'm glad I listened all day, and I know it will help guide me as I reconcile with family members, starting with my son. I learned a lot and thank the author!

Read worthy

Very interesting topic and definitely well structured. I found it informative and I would recommend it.

very helpful!

loved it, good narrator,good research on this subject. i recommended it to many people i know.

Relatable & Hopefilled

any estranged parent can find true comfort, honest feedback, and a level of relativity unmatched by other sources

Helpful, but...

This book is encouraging for those who are experiencing estrangement. I found the practical suggestions very helpful and implemented many of them.

At the beginning of the book, the author claims to be neutral and fits not yield personal information. However, his focus seems to be on adult children who estrange from their parents. He quotes one interviewee who is sarcastic and outright nasty in judgement about parents. He quotes another who "guarantees" that every parent who claims to not know the reason for the estrangement has a term page, double sided, letter with full explanation hidden away in a drawer.

There is no easy line dividing which side is "right" from the "wrong". The fault is most likely on both sides, but this reader felt that estranged parents were categorized and their suffering diminished.

in spite of my criticism of his sympathy for adult children who estrange from their parents, I would recommend reading this book. Through reading this book, I became more aware of the other's perspective and pain that drives her choices.