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F*cking History
- 111 Lessons You Should Have Learned in School
- Narrated by: The Captain
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
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F*cking History
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Publisher's summary
History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life.
Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born.
The entries in this compulsively listenable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great.
You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy - like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women - from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra.
People in the past were just like us - so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.
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- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 793
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 724
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Story4 out of 5 stars 722
Spanning eras and cultures from ancient Rome to medieval England to 1950s Hollywood, Jennifer Wright's It Ended Badly guides you through the worst of the worst in historically bad breakups. In the throes of heartbreak, Emperor Nero had just about everyone he ever loved - from his old tutor to most of his friends - put to death. Oscar Wilde's lover, whom he went to jail for, abandoned him when faced with being cut off financially from his wealthy family.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Shallow, poorly researched, forced humor
- By S. Yates on 05-11-17
By: Jennifer Wright
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 516
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 461
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 460
Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know
- By: Jessica Valenti
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 66
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 60
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Story4 out of 5 stars 59
Double standards are nothing new. Women deal with them every day. Take the common truism that women who sleep around are sluts while men are studs. Why is it that men grow distinguished and sexily gray as they age while women just get saggy and haggard? Have you ever wondered how a young woman is supposed to both virginal and provocatively enticing at the same time?
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3 out of 5 stars
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A well acted intro to feminist consciousness
- By Amazon Customer on 02-28-24
By: Jessica Valenti
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Ask Wendy
- By: Wendy Williams
- Narrated by: Wendy Williams
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 110
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 99
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Story4 out of 5 stars 97
On TV, Wendy only has a few minutes to respond to each audience member, but in Ask Wendy she goes deeper, answering questions sourced from viewers across the country. No question is off-limits and no situation is too outrageous for her to take on. Wendy shoots straight from those womanly hips of hers to help you manage all the crazy that comes into your life - keepin' it real by drawing on the personal experiences that have shaped her unique perspective.
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5 out of 5 stars
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HIlarious
- By Shelley Thomas-Robinson on 10-24-17
By: Wendy Williams
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500 Funny Quotes for Women
- Inspirational Quotes to Boost Your Mood Instantly & Make Your Day a Little Happier!
- By: Stan Hardy
- Narrated by: Jill Rolls
- Length: 1 hr and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 36
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 35
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 35
Funny quotes are great; they allow us to take a quick break, relax, and take life a bit easier. And who doesn’t need those in today’s hectic life? Whether you are looking for an innovative way to cheer yourself up and deal with the daily stresses, stay focused and motivated, or simply trying to find a fantastic gift for a friend or a loved one, 500 Funny Quotes for Women could be a perfect choice!
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5 out of 5 stars
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Made me smile.
- By Lyvon Netherton on 04-13-24
By: Stan Hardy
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 339
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 307
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 309
In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Bygone Badass Broads
- 52 Forgotten Women Who Changed the World
- By: Mackenzi Lee
- Narrated by: Lucy James
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 620
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 525
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 523
Based on Mackenzi Lee's popular weekly Twitter series of the same name, Bygone Badass Broads features 52 remarkable and forgotten trailblazing women from all over the world. With tales of heroism and cunning, in-depth bios and witty storytelling, Bygone Badass Broads gives new life to these historic female pioneers. Starting in the fifth century BC and continuing to the present, the book takes a closer look at bold and inspiring women who dared to step outside the traditional gender roles of their time.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Awesome history, heavy-handed political agenda
- By Charlie on 07-08-18
By: Mackenzi Lee
-
Seven Deadly Sins
- Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Good
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,058
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 962
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 955
For the first time, Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor speaks directly to his fans and shares his worldview about life as a sinner. And Taylor knows how to sin. As a small-town hero in the early '90s, he threw himself into a fierce-drinking, drug-abusing, hard-loving, live-for-the-moment life. Soon Taylor's music exploded, and he found himself rich, wanted, and on the road. His new and ever-more-extreme lifestyle had an unexpected effect, however; for the first time, he began to actively think about what it meant to sin.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Glad I didn't read this before buying concert tix
- By S. Adams on 07-23-19
By: Corey Taylor
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Dear Fahrenheit 451
- Love and Heartbreak in the Stacks
- By: Annie Spence
- Narrated by: Stephanie Spicer
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 77
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 67
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 67
Librarians spend their lives weeding - not weeds, but books - books that have reached the end of their shelf life both literally and figuratively. They remove books that patrons no longer check out, and they put back books they treasure. Annie Spence, who has a decade of experience as a Midwestern librarian, does this not only at her Michigan library but also at home, for her neighbors, at cocktail parties - everywhere. In Dear Fahrenheit 451, she addresses those books directly.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Totally captivating
- By Grace Smith on 03-24-18
By: Annie Spence
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Drinking and Tweeting
- And Other Brandi Blunders
- By: Brandi Glanville, Leslie Bruce
- Narrated by: Brandi Glanville
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 140
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 140
Fans have been waiting for Brandi’s scoop on one of the biggest divorces of the decade since her husband of eight years abandoned her and their two sons to marry country singer LeAnn Rimes. Not only does Brandi spill the beans about her side of the split, but the lovable housewife also shares the incredible wild ride that took her from a life in the ghetto to Hollywood’s most elite circles.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Who edited this?
- By Jessica on 11-02-20
By: Brandi Glanville, and others
-
The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 309
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 234
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 230
New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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5 out of 5 stars
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
-
Funny How It Works Out
- By: Manon Mathews
- Narrated by: Manon Mathews
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 196
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 182
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 182
For comedian and content creator Manon Mathews, comedy is life. But it took more than luck for her hilarious antics on Vine to open the door to her career. It took years of routinely embarrassing herself, improv classes, some stints as an amateur stand-up comic, unrelenting dedication, and one life-altering night out that forced her to change her ways. This set her on the path to manifesting her dream life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Excellent book!
- By cinematicashley on 11-18-20
By: Manon Mathews
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Cunt (20th Anniversary Edition)
- By: Inga Muscio
- Narrated by: Inga Muscio
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 53
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 47
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 47
In this fully revised anniversary edition of the classic testament to women's empowerment, Muscio explores with candidness and humor such traditional feminist issues as birth control, sexuality, jealousy between women, and prostitution with a fresh attitude for a new generation of women. Sending out a call for every woman to be the "Cuntlovin' Ruler of Her Sexual Universe", Muscio stands convention on its head by embracing the provocative and celebrating womanhood.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Best book ever
- By Paula Daniels on 07-28-19
By: Inga Muscio
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The Art of the Pimp
- One Man's Search for Love, Sex, and Money
- By: Dennis Hof
- Narrated by: Kevin Stillwell
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 120
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 109
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 109
Dennis Hof, proprietor of the world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel and the P.T. Barnum of prostitution, charts his path to fame and infamy, while dispensing homespun wisdom about sex, sales, money, and how to live as the country's most recognizable pimp. In The Art of the Pimp, Dennis Hof offers a hilarious, insightful, behind-the-scenes look at life as the proprietor of The Moonlight Bunny Ranch, the world's most famous legal brothel, and recounts his chaotic life.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
if you love the sex industry then yell love this
- By Amazon Customer on 11-28-17
By: Dennis Hof
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Normal Gets You Nowhere
- By: Kelly Cutrone
- Narrated by: Kelly Cutrone
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 191
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 164
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 166
With Normal Gets You Nowhere, Kelly Cutrone invites us to get our freak on. History is full of successful, world-changing people who did not fit in. Think Nelson Mandela, Joan of Arc, Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, John Lennon, and Rosa Parks. Instead of changing themselves to accommodate the status quo or what others thought they should be, these people hung a light on their differences - and changed humanity in the process. “I know you don’t feel normal, so why are you trying to act it and prove to everyone you are?” Cutrone says.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
For open minds and hearts.
- By Kelly on 01-06-12
By: Kelly Cutrone
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The Education of Nia Simone Bijou
- By: Eric Jerome Dickey
- Narrated by: Honey Jones
- Length: 3 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 98
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 84
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 85
From her first days at Virginia’s Hampton University, impressionable, creative Nia falls smitten with Chris Eidos Alleyne, an athlete and a scholar. “Love is sweet nothings and beautiful promises”, Nia writes in her journal. What her girlfriends know, and her mother doesn’t, is that Chris’s expression of love is deeply physical. Wielding powerful charisma, Chris soon has Nia abandoning innocence for experience.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
worst narration ever
- By Dawn D. on 02-13-20
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After the loss of her mother and her own battle with breast cancer, Joanna Teale returns to her graduate research on nesting birds in rural Illinois, determined to prove that her recent hardships have not broken her. She throws herself into her work from dusk to dawn, until her solitary routine is disrupted by the appearance of a mysterious child who shows up at her cabin barefoot and covered in bruises. The girl calls herself Ursa, and she claims to have been sent from the stars to witness five miracles.
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Only four men survived the plane crash. The pilot. A politician. A cop... and the criminal he was shackled to. On an icy night in October 1984, a commuter plane carrying nine passengers crashed in the remote wilderness of northern Alberta. Four survived: the rookie pilot, a prominent politician, a cop, and the criminal he was escorting to face charges. As the men fight through the night to stay alive, the dividing lines of power, wealth, and status are erased, and each man is forced to confront the precious and limited nature of his existence.
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For years, the town of Silver Bell, Arkansas has quietly mourned the hospital fire that claimed the lives of nine of its residents—the town doctor, a young expectant mother, and seven infants. So, when journalist Finn Hardwick is assigned the story as part of a national thirtieth anniversary memorial service, he arrives at the town ready to interview its residents, thinking they’ll be ready to share and eager to make headlines. He isn’t prepared for the resistance. Or for what appears to be a collective unwillingness to answer his questions.
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Fails as an audio book.
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Minnesota, 1977. For the teens of one close-knit community, summer means late-night swimming parties at the quarry, the county fair, and venturing into the tunnels beneath the city. But for two best friends, it’s not all fun and games. Heather and Brenda have a secret. Something they saw in the dark. Something they can’t forget. They’ve decided to never tell a soul. But their vow is tested when their friend disappears—the second girl to vanish in a week. And yet the authorities are reluctant to investigate.
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Jewels!
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Zero Fail
- The Rise and Fall of the Secret Service
- By: Carol Leonnig
- Narrated by: Maggi-Meg Reed, Carol Leonnig
- Length: 20 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,866
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,622
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,617
Carol Leonnig has been reporting on the Secret Service for The Washington Post for most of the last decade, bringing to light the secrets, scandals, and shortcomings that plague the agency today - from a toxic work culture to dangerously outdated equipment to the deep resentment within the ranks at key agency leaders, who put protecting the agency’s once-hallowed image before fixing its flaws. But the Secret Service wasn’t always so troubled.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Bait and switch narration with tabloid journalism
- By Paul P on 05-24-21
By: Carol Leonnig
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The Story Behind
- The Extraordinary History Behind Ordinary Objects
- By: Emily Prokop
- Narrated by: Emily Prokop
- Length: 4 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 16
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 11
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Story4 out of 5 stars 11
Many of us learn about the major inventions that shape our world. But we too often overlook the objects we use every day. In The Story Behind, Emily Prokop, creator of the Webby Award nominated podcast, explores the who, how, and huh? of everything from Band-Aids to bubble gum; hypnosis to Hula Hoops; and lullabies to lead pipes. Along the way, she demonstrates how the major events of history - from wars, plagues and revolutions to historic achievements and discoveries - have influenced some of the world’s most pervasive inventions.
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2 out of 5 stars
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One third of the book is repeated after initial description of subject under “TLDR” ..?
- By Dogs Land on 03-25-24
By: Emily Prokop
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The Richest Woman in America
- Hetty Green in the Gilded Age
- By: Janet Wallach
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 62
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 63
No woman in the Gilded Age made as much money as Hetty Green. At the time of her death in 1916, she was worth at least 100 million dollars, equal to more than 2 billion dollars today. A strong believer in women being financially independent, she offered valuable lessons for the present times. Abandoned at birth by her neurotic mother, scorned by her misogynist father, Hetty set out as a child to prove her value. Following the simple rules of her wealthy Quaker father, she successfully invested her money and along the way proved to herself that she was wealthy and therefore worthy.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Horrible Narrator
- By Christina M. Kruse on 06-10-15
By: Janet Wallach
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The Echo of Old Books
- A Novel
- By: Barbara Davis
- Narrated by: Vanessa Johansson, Steve West, Sarah Zimmerman
- Length: 13 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,436
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,264
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,264
Rare-book dealer Ashlyn Greer’s affinity for books extends beyond the intoxicating scent of old paper, ink, and leather. She can feel the echoes of the books’ previous owners—an emotional fingerprint only she can read. When Ashlyn discovers a pair of beautifully bound volumes that appear to have never been published, her gift quickly becomes an obsession. Not only is each inscribed with a startling incrimination, but the authors, Hemi and Belle, tell conflicting sides of a tragic romance.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Couldn’t finish it
- By Lady Chaps on 03-31-23
By: Barbara Davis
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The Water Keeper
- By: Charles Martin
- Narrated by: Jonathan K. Riggs
- Length: 11 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,759
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,508
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,499
Murphy Shepherd is a man with many secrets. He lives alone on an island, tending the grounds for a church with no parishioners, and he’s dedicated his life to rescuing those in peril. But as he mourns the loss of his mentor and friend, Murph himself may be more lost than he realizes. When he pulls a beautiful woman named Summer out of Florida’s Intracoastal Waterway, Murph’s mission to lay his mentor to rest at the end of the world takes a dangerous turn. Drawn to Summer, Murph is pulled deeper and deeper into the dark and dangerous world of modern-day slavery.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Wrong Narrator
- By SusieSunshine0945 on 05-17-20
By: Charles Martin
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A Place Called Freedom
- By: Ken Follett
- Narrated by: Simon Prebble
- Length: 14 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11,896
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 10,683
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 10,633
This lush novel, set in 1766 England and America, evokes an era ripe with riot and revolution, from the teeming streets of London to the sprawling grounds of a Virginia plantation. Mack McAsh burns with the desire to escape his life of slavery in Scottish coal mines while Lizzie Hallim is desperate to shed a life of sheltered subjugation to her spineless husband. United in America, their only chance for freedom lies beyond the Western frontier - if they're brave enough to take it.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Expected better than a historical romance
- By Lynette Garet on 01-09-17
By: Ken Follett
What listeners say about F*cking History
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Isabel Perez
- 08-24-20
Badass Brain Power!
Awesomeness!!!! To The Captain! En hora buena... congrats to you on this journey and thanks for sharing your badassery with the world - Gracias 💗
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Andrea
- 02-12-24
The plan yet humorous terminology used in the narration.
I learned a lot, and it felt like I was learning from a friend because of the way it was written 
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Corey Nikont
- 06-12-21
Probably a better read
The stories are great, and the underlying message is something we should all get behind. However, it was delivered like a bad Best Mans speech, with (pause for laughter) written into the notes. I would purchase the hard copy though.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- SGT_Clinton
- 01-05-22
Great stories
Loved it. Absolutely hilarious at times. I'm glad that I listened. I have already suggested it to others.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Lisa
- 01-21-23
Because History should be fun!
I thoroughly enjoyed the humor throughout while learning strange facts that I can now share at inappropriate moments with friends and family. Thanks Captain!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- James M
- 01-16-23
A Little Trashy.. But Worth It
Short and quick historical stories.. Great for those who like to hear some interesting stuff.. on the way to work.. NOT FOR KIDS..
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Mogovea
- 08-15-21
As informational as it is entertaining
I'm going to recommend it to any and everyone. We should never stop learning and this was quite possibly one of the most pleasant learning experiences yet. Thank you!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Corinna Carbajal
- 08-29-20
Motivational Badass
The Captain's spirited take on history creates a badass motivational book for our time. "Knowledge is the best form of mutiny."
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- #retailtherapy
- 05-27-21
Oh Captain My Captain!!!
Like many of you, I came to know The Captain via social media, enjoying his witty, snarky and genuine humor delivering life lessons on ig. &I'm a better & stronger human for it! He brings that same inspiring humor into this book as well. Telling f*cking history you may or may not know and seamlessly weaving in some modern life lessons. He has a unique insight and the brilliant ability to deliver it well.
Now stop reading f*cking reviews and get the f*cking book!
You won't regret it!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Mandy
- 10-08-20
Who knew so many women in history were badass.
I must read (or listen to). So much history we were never taught in school. I’m also glad Kyle narrated his own book. He’s a great story teller and the history of these women is fascinating. I’ll be listening to it again and bringing my hardcopy on our camping trip to read to my friends around the fire.
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