You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again

One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

By: Heather McDonald

Narrated by: Heather McDonald

Length: 3 hrs and 30 mins

Publisher's summary

You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again is the laugh-out-loud story of an attractive Los Angeles woman who found herself in the predicament of being an unwilling virgin.

As an actress, writer, and stand-up comedienne, Heather McDonald passed up ample opportunities to have her V-card revoked by handsome, rich, and sometimes even fabulously famous men, but she could not bring herself to do "it" until well after her friends had been deflowered. As Chelsea Handler so lovingly puts it, "Thank God, Heather waited 27 years to lose her virginity or she wouldn't have any material for this book."

Whether in a backseat, a community pool, or a sports stadium, with a frat boy, a doctor, or an A-list celebrity, Heather McDonald knew how to turn those boys blue. Unlike "putting out", blue balling might not have paid her rent or landed her free trips to Hawaii, but it did provide her with hilarious stories and adventures in her search for true love - and, ultimately, her very own happy ending. Now, Heather McDonald will never blue ball in this town again.

©2010 Heather McDonald (P)2011 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

Critic reviews

"The only thing funnier than Heather's impersonation of us is... this book!" (Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian)

So hilarious

I feel like me and Heather had the same dating history. Lol This was the best. Now I don’t feel so abnormal about my Dating history. 💞💞💞

love Heather

Heather is hilarious. I'm so glad I found this book. Now I've listened to all of her books

So funny

Loved this book , I can’t believe it took me this long to listen to it. Hilarious

SO WONDERFULLY FUNNY. I would turn on my audiobook as often as I could

Heather McDonald is a huge talent with a lot of presence and poise in her narration. I really enjoyed getting to know her and the life that she’s lived. She’s got a lot of heart and soul but can be sharply witty. This is one funny Lady!

In the genre of the incredible Chelsea Handler, who can tell stories that make you laugh out loud (Like the prison story in her book, “Vodka...” (I think), I felt Heather was by far more consistent and even in her storytelling, always making a point, never rambling, and never disgusting in her over-drinking. Heather was purposeful and wanted to pass on what she’s learned. I enjoyed her voice as it was expressive and really pleasant. You can really feel close to Heather through her experiences, and I rooted for her. I was sorry that this book was only about three hours (but actually felt like eight in a good way) but glad that her next book (the new) is five or so hours. I can’t wait to read that! Don’t miss this gem!

An essential for a Juicy Scooper!

If you love Heather McDonald, this is an awesome look into her backstory! Love that it was read by her, I love her honesty and funny stories about her youth!

Hooray for me and screw You!!!

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

Only to let a friend know how self possessed and usury some women can be,

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

Stop with all of the how I took advantage of men and look how pretty and smart I amexcerpts.

Did Heather McDonald do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?

Her being the main character was the most expanded part, and she played the connivingcoed sorority girl to the hilt.

Did You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again inspire you to do anything?

Avoid women like Heather McDonald.

Any additional comments?

During the summer I read Chelsea Handler, Amy Schumer, Sarah Silverman, Lena DunnAmy Poeller, and Tina Faye. With exceptions of Tina Fey & Amy Poeller all of their books are very similar. The Jewish girls are hung up on their Dads and telling everyone about their gynecological issues and how they lost their virginity, while struggling to be good comedians.. Lena Dunn's book was the worst of all of the books. She may be a genius but she has a lot of "physco" baggage and disgusting physical issues" to get off her mind. Also Amy Poeller is very rude to a man siting in first class.. She assume he's rich, because he bumped her getting off the plane. Maybe he upgraded with points and or paid extra to enjoy a first class flight, but she had to call him a rich Mother F**ker because her and her girlfriends wanted to be noisy on the plane.I lost a lot of respect for Amy after reading that excerpt..

I love Heather, but...

I absolutely love Heather McDonald. I’m subscribed to her podcast Juicy Scoop, I love her stand up, and loved her on Chelsea Lately.
All that being said, her books just don’t...do it for me. I read My Inappropriate Life and this book and both of them are just so bland to me.
When she’s reading them on Audible, it seems like she’s reading a book instead of telling a story. I hope that makes sense.
It’s just so bland and, frankly, uninteresting.
There are a lot of stories in the book that I have heard her reference during her stand up routine.
Like I said, I absolutely LOVE Heather. Have since the Chelsea Lately days, but clearly, book writing isn’t her strong suit.

Abridged version

Short, fun romp. Easy listening for a gap between more serious books. The audiobook is abridged and that was fine.

College Queen and 20 something

I loved this book. I'd recommend it to anyone missing their college days and 20s!

It's also great if you just love Heather. I liked when she included outfits and makeup to each story!😄

One of my favorite parts is when she puked at a party with Peter and yet they still were in love! I puked on my now husband's shoes on our first date and we are still together!

Some Amazon reviews shit on the book as a college memoir of being a party girl but they suck. I loved those memories and when she writes about choosing Peter and Mckenzie my heart melts. It's such a good story and a true display of love!❤️❤️❤️

fun read

quick fun read/listen. I liked it and will most likely be purchasing her more recent memoir as I love celebrity memoirs.