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Off with My Head
- The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook to Surviving Rock Bottom
- Narrated by: Stassi Schroeder
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
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Publisher's summary
Named one of Us Weekly’s Best Celebrity Memoirs of 2022
The New York Times bestselling author of Next Level Basic and fan-favorite alumna of Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules returns with the definitive Basic Bitch handbook for surviving your rock-bottom moments.
The year 2020 was going to be the best year of Stassi’s life. Besides getting engaged and feeling like she was on top of the world career-wise, she bought her first house and was planning her dream Italian wedding. The future showed so much freaking promise—until it all went to hell. Stassi may not be perfect—she may have made some (major) mistakes—but she does feel like she has some insight (and plenty of hilarious tales) about getting knocked up, called out, and learning from what went wrong.
Through stories, confessions, illustrations, and plenty of self-reflection and self-deprecation, this new book goes behind the scenes and addresses the experience of getting cancelled, getting that positive pregnancy test, and saying “I do” in the backyard instead of in Italy. Stassi won’t hold back about her transformation from proud basic bitch to... proud basic bitch who has a deeper appreciation for what’s really important in life: love, relationships, mutual respect, and, okay fine, an Aperol spritz and some showtunes when you need them most.
Stassi hopes her story will help others see the light at the end of the tunnel in their own lives and make them laugh along the way. She writes about the importance of having a good cry (at work, in the shower, in your closet), ways to navigate social media responsibly (sometimes that means logging the eff off when crowds are chanting, “OFF WITH HER HEAD”), how to practice self-care when wine is not an option, and how not to become a Bridezilla—plus she’ll offer tips on marrying your f*ckboy, embracing pregnancy sweats (both cashmere sweats and night sweats), and styling baby OOTDs.
So roll up your bedazzled sleeves…or the sleeves of the tattered robe you’ve been wearing nonstop because you’re at rock bottom; grab a cocktail; and let your favorite (more evolved) basic bitch take you on a wild ride inside the bumpiest year of her life.
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Prepare to crack up in the grocery store
- By Chicago_Mama on 05-30-19
By: Celeste Barber
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Pride Over Pity
- By: Kailyn Lowry
- Narrated by: Renee Chambliss
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
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Fans of MTV's Teen Mom have watched Kailyn Lowry grow from a vulnerable, pregnant teen into a fiercely independent young mother. Through it all Kailyn has faced challenges with her head held high and her spirit intact. In a moving effort to finally put the past behind her, Kailyn shares her troubled, often painful story and reveals the dark secrets she has so closely guarded.
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Ridiculous
- By Anonymous User on 08-25-18
By: Kailyn Lowry
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The Longest Date
- Life as a Wife
- By: Cindy Chupack
- Narrated by: Cindy Chupack, Ian Wallach
- Length: 4 hrs and 15 mins
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After having endured enough emotional wreckage in her search for true love to fill a book ( The New York Times bestseller The Between Boyfriends Book), two magazine columns, and five seasons of scripts for Sex and the City, Cindy Chupack finally, mercifully, at the age of thirty-nine, met the Perfect Man. The perfect companion for anyone navigating a marriage (or even just contemplating one), The Longest Date marks the welcome return of one of our most gifted and captivating comic writers.
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Meh...
- By Jessica K. on 11-07-18
By: Cindy Chupack
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
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I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
By: Louie Anderson
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Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies
- And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There
- By: Tara Schuster
- Narrated by: Tara Schuster
- Length: 11 hrs and 42 mins
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By the time she was in her late 20s, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a "ninja of self-love".
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Shallow romp through other authors works
- By MM in Los Angeles on 03-01-20
By: Tara Schuster
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
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As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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Troublemaker
- Surviving Hollywood and Scientology
- By: Leah Remini
- Narrated by: Leah Remini
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
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The outspoken actress, talk show host, and reality television star offers up a no-holds-barred memoir, including an eye-opening insider account of her tumultuous and heart-wrenching 30-year-plus association with the Church of Scientology.
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This book is fascinating and funny! Fantastic!
- By Kim on 11-04-15
By: Leah Remini
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Ask Wendy
- By: Wendy Williams
- Narrated by: Wendy Williams
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
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On TV, Wendy only has a few minutes to respond to each audience member, but in Ask Wendy she goes deeper, answering questions sourced from viewers across the country. No question is off-limits and no situation is too outrageous for her to take on. Wendy shoots straight from those womanly hips of hers to help you manage all the crazy that comes into your life - keepin' it real by drawing on the personal experiences that have shaped her unique perspective.
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HIlarious
- By Shelley Thomas-Robinson on 10-24-17
By: Wendy Williams
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
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Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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As the creator of the breakout Instagram account @GirlWithNoJob, Claudia Oshry has turned not wanting an ordinary career into a thriving media company and pop culture-focused podcast and morning show. The origins of her pop culture obsessions can be traced back to household debates over boy bands and her flair for the dramatic to her young emulation of Blair Waldorf. When she started @GirlWithNoJob, Claudia entered that world as a social media influencer, sharing her unbelievable encounters with some of her favorite A-listers as she navigates her incredible access.
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Pretty boring
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Playground
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In the vein of Running with Scissors, Playground is the glitzy, glamorous, and surreal true story of a young girl who grew up inside the Playboy Mansion and never learned where the party stopped and the real world began. You are six years old. Every day after school your father takes you to a sprawling castle filled with exotic animals, bowls of candy, and half-naked women catering to your every need. You have your own room. You have new friends. You have an uncle Hef who's always there for you.
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What listeners say about Off with My Head
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amanda Olson
- 05-24-22
LOVE LOVE!!!!
love thus book!!!! I love stassi!!! she makes me want to be better and makes me feel that it's ok to mess up and hit rock bottom and pick yourself up and start over again!!
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- Dana Frye
- 05-03-22
So very good!
Loved every minute of this book! This deserves to be on the beat seller list! I can only hope Stassi writes another!
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- holly
- 07-08-22
Stasis's growing up
I have to be honest when I read Stassi's first book I cringed a little. I guess it's because I'm a few years older than her, and definitely not a basic bitch. I feel like she's gonna look back at her old book and realize how superficial is is, especially after having a baby. But, with that being said, her second book was more refreshing and down to earth. More real life problems. Worded amazing, kept me captivated, I enjoyed every minute of it. Great job Stassi Schröder Clark!!!
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- Kelly
- 06-23-23
So good!! Made me cry!
This book was beyond my expectations. I loved everything about it, Her story, VPR, Beau, her daughter. Just everything about it. Thank you. Looking forward to the next book!
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- melissa
- 04-29-22
She's baack!
Have been a fan since the beginning , never truly cancelled her but honestly thought she could use some perspective as she got progressively harder to defend. This book and her reading it to you is just the Stassi we never knew we needed. She's still snarky and witty but now she is thinking before she speaks and she is clearly putting a lot more effort into growing and learning. I appreciated the honesty and her ability to be self deprecating and vulnerable to the reader. I look forward to more in the future from the new and improved Stassi.
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- Kelly Peters
- 05-02-22
Must read!
Whether you like Stassi or not (which I adore her) this book is a must read. It explains what happened in the last few years and you get the full story- not the headline ones that is whatever the “news” reported wanted to say.
Congrats Stassi on your happiness, family and especially your little girl!
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- Beth
- 05-10-22
Thank You Stassi!
I am so thankful I decided to purchase the audio version of “Off With My Head”! Being able to hear Stassi’s voice, tone, emotions and more allows me to understand a little more about how she taken a mistake, canceling and rock bottom and not given up!
Thank you Stassi for being willing to be transparent and allowing your Khaleesi’s/Sassenach’s/Fans to go through this Journey with you! Thank you, Stassi!
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- ChargerGirl
- 06-13-22
Great book!
Loved this book! Stassi is so relatable when she talks about hitting rock bottom, her raw honesty makes me love her even more. I love the person she has grown into.
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- m.seck
- 05-22-22
Finally someone articulated my pregnancy thoughts!
I want to preface this by saying, I don’t know what Stassi was cancelled for, I don’t know the situation, and I’ve only seen one season of Vanderpump Rules. So this review is based solely off of the audiobook.
I found Stassi through her previous audiobook. I loved that one and I love this one as well. Stassi is easy to listen to and easy to relate to. Especially with this audiobook regarding her pregnancy. At so many points, I found myself nodding along with her and thrilled that someone was articulating my feelings into words. Definitely listening to Expecting Better based on her recommendation.
This audiobook is easy to listen to and easy to engage with. She is relatable and writes in a way that feels like she’s talking to a friend.
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-09-22
Amazing!!!
Amazing story. To all the haters Stassi has learned from her mistakes. That is a true Queen!
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