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Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy | [Ophira Eisenberg]

Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy

Screw Everyone is comedian Ophira Eisenberg's wisecracking account of how she spent most of her life saying "yes" to everything - and everyone - and how that attitude ultimately helped her overcome her phobia of commitment. Skeptical about long-term relationships, Eisenberg approached dating as a sort of research experiment from early on: She spent her twenties traveling from futon to futon and gathering data, figuring that one day she'd put it all together somehow and build her own perfect Frankenmate.
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Publisher's Summary

Screw Everyone is comedian Ophira Eisenberg's wisecracking account of how she spent most of her life saying "yes" to everything - and everyone - and how that attitude ultimately helped her overcome her phobia of commitment.

Skeptical about long-term relationships, Eisenberg approached dating as a sort of research experiment from early on: She spent her twenties traveling from futon to futon and gathering data, figuring that one day she'd put it all together somehow and build her own perfect Frankenmate. When she met a guy who didn't fall for the emotionally cavalier facade she'd constructed (a guy who wanted marriage and monogamy), she knew it was time to reevaluate.

From her first kiss to saying "I do", Screw Everyone is an honest, hilarious chronicle of how one woman discovered herself, conquered her fears, and even found the real thing one promiscuous encounter at a time.

©2013 Ophira Eisenberg (P)2014 Audible Inc.

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.0 (154 )
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  •  
    Hillary MORRIS, CT, United States 04-02-14
    Hillary MORRIS, CT, United States 04-02-14 Member Since 2015

    avoiding road rage one book at a time...

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Best Audiobook EVER... and I'm not even done yet."

    THIS BOOK IS HYSTERICAL. Ophira wrote this book with her obvious intelligence, snappy delivery and unapologetic candor... all of which combined make this great book probably the best book I'll hear in 2014. [Considering I have 112 titles in my online library, I feel very qualified to say this.] Oh, and I'm only 2/3rd done. As the title would suggest, it is slightly provocative, but that only adds to its complete awesomeness. If you're a woman, you will (unless you live under a rock) relate. If you're a dude, you'll enjoy Ophira's exploits and masculine approaches to dealing with/understanding men. Deep down she was always a girl looking for love, but thankfully (because it gave her material for this book) it was in all the wrong places. In the end, kissing a lot of frogs will eventually net you a prince. Thanks, Ophira!

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brandin Los Angeles, CA, United States 03-17-14
    Brandin Los Angeles, CA, United States 03-17-14 Member Since 2015
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    "Actually a 3.75 Stars....but I rounded up :)"

    Not as good as some other books in this genre...but still, I made it through the whole thing & there were several parts that made me laugh out loud, hard. Good enough to recommend to a friend....and I might even listen to it again in 6 months. ((((i retouch & process photographic images, so audiobooks are my salvation....)))

    Some definite MEANDERING at times, but she gets back on track pretty quickly..... The brutal honesty kept me coming back for more.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Ryan Glen Hirsch Pelham NH 01-08-15
    Ryan Glen Hirsch Pelham NH 01-08-15 Member Since 2013
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    "Not a self help book. But helpful anyway."

    Loved this story. Very relatable. This was not a self help book, but was helpful anyway. At moments, I laughed out loud and found myself noting the similarities to my own life.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    lazynoodles 01-05-15
    lazynoodles 01-05-15 Member Since 2015
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    "Damn funny"

    I thought it would be as funny as another comic dating memoir and it was and then some. I loved how frank she was about her experiences and that in the end got the guy who let them have that year for themselves.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kara Asheville, NC, United States 12-31-14
    Kara Asheville, NC, United States 12-31-14 Member Since 2012
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Worth it!"

    I didn't actually know what to expect from this book - my free credits had been piling up and I came across this book randomly while looking for something light and funny. I like listening to NPR's Ask Me Another, which Ophira hosts, and I'd heard a little of her humor. I enjoyed this book so much, I found Ophira to be a totally different person than I'd assumed from my own NPR stereotypes (highly intellectual, driven people from successful, upper-middle class homes who made all the right decisions, etc). So, as someone who often feels lost and who definitely hasn't made the all the right decisions, I really loved that I could relate so much to Ophira. And of course, it was very funny and very interesting and just overall a great listen.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Pattie MARINA DEL REY, CA, United States 12-07-14
    Pattie MARINA DEL REY, CA, United States 12-07-14 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Funny - East listening for a good laugh."

    Funny - East listening for a good laugh. Think it would have been better seeing her live in person doing her standup.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Matthew Wroten 07-14-15 Member Since 2015
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    "Holy S$&?! Hilarious and Entertaining"

    Awesome Stories!! She has lived more than most 30 year olds! Love to see her comedy show one day

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    jessica dunyon richmond, utah 06-21-15
    jessica dunyon richmond, utah 06-21-15 Member Since 2013
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    "funny and genuine"

    I was delighted to discover this was narrated by Eisenberg herself. She tells awkward stories that I think many of us can relate to on some level. light reading, lots of laughs, and overall enjoyable.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Lincoln Florida 05-06-15
    Lincoln Florida 05-06-15 Member Since 2015
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    "Funny read"
    What made the experience of listening to Screw Everyone the most enjoyable?

    Opheria has a great delivery and hearing her own story in her own voice gave it much more entertainment value.


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    Opheria of course.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    The whole hooking up with the ski guys and the "code phrase" about loosing her virginity mix up was hilarious.


    Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

    No not really. This was a very light hearted book. Lots of womens lib undertones and a good story of how any woman from her teens to her 30s discovers the power and the crux of her femininity.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kendall 04-17-15
    Kendall 04-17-15 Member Since 2015
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    "Light and enternaining"

    An easy listen. Made me feel nostalgic for my youth (and relieved to have most of it behind me) through her tales of navigating the dating scene of highschool, college, and young adulthood.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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