If I am Missing or Dead

A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation

By: Janine Latus

Narrated by: Shelly Frasier

Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins

Publisher's summary

In April 2002, Janine Latus' youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer. "Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved", it read, "but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his criminal past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me...."

That same spring, Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage - a marriage to a handsome and successful man. A marriage others emulated. A marriage in which she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong. A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped.

Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy. Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing.

Helicopters went up and search dogs went out. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder.

Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own, and her sister's, victimization with unflinching candor.

©2007 Janine Latus (P)2007 Tantor Media Inc.

Critic reviews

"Unforgettable, unsentimental, and profoundly affecting, Latus' book resonates long after the final page is turned." (Publishers Weekly)

What a tragic life

First thing’s first: this is not a story about Amy’s murder – all that takes place near the end of the book.

This a memoir of an abused woman who’s sister just happened to be murdered and I found it all very interesting; not least because it was a good lesson for me not to be so judgemental.

Her life feels like a train wreck; how (better yet, WHY) does she find and settle for so many losers! But just as I was criticizing her again for the umpteenth time, I realised that compassion for her plight might be a better approach to reading her story. It’s never just about “a bad relationship” but all your life experiences that lead you to it. The scene where she’s at her boyfriend’s place for a Thanksgiving dinner that goes downhill fast is such cautionary tale on many many levels!

She ends the book with a plea for women who recognize themselves in these pages to seek help. Although it was tragic, I felt the effort to share and help others by telling her story was poignant.

A very sad story

A very sad story, this is more a family memoir told through the author's perspective than the title leads you to expect. This flows chronologically, which makes this a very lengthy listen to get to the key parts you heard in the free excerpt.

Even the most "functional" families have disfunctions and, sad to say, bad programming of their spouses and children, as Janine's and Amy's relationships expose. It it very sad and unfortunate the fate that befell Amy, as well as Janine's own failed marriage.

Familiar and heartbreaking

Get this and really listen to it. I found myself holding back tears while listening.

Read it if you dare.

Not what I expected but well worth the read. More autobiography than biography. Information we all should be aware of. It will be a very long time before I forget this book, this tragedy.

Get the abridged

I expected a different book. I thought it would be about a woman in a situation that leads to her death, about how she dealt with this since she seemed to expect it. BUT it's about the author. For over 10 hours I've listen about this woman's unsettling marriage while the sister, who later turns up missing, participates in phone calls to support her. The book started at age 3 and carries you into her 40's!!! It feels like a 18 chapter introduction. Get the abridged.

Message Lost in Delivery

Such a great opportunity to get a strong message "out there" lost in borderline narcissism. Sigh. Would feel better if Janine had spent less time belaboring the point that they BOTH made bad choices in men (thanks, dad) and more time telling what she's learned. It would turn this from whiny to redemptive! Great narrator, tho!

good narration bad story

Definitely a book to skip. Only got this since i needed it for a class assignment.

A waste of time

This book is just dreadful! I wanted to learn about the sister's life and death, not about the author's dysfunctional marriage.

Living in Denial

The book is very well written... But the author just talks about the problem (or rather her denial of the problem). I hoped that she would reveal her growth process from being a man addicted, weight obsessed, dress up barbie to the woman she eventually becomes. That would have been a far more interesting book. How did she finally "get a clue" and begin to value herself as a person? I went through many of the same situations... I know the process I had to go through and I wish I could have shared her process as she lived her way into a solution.

Description of many bad experiences with men

I agree with the reviews that say this book does not deliver on the title. I was fascinated by all this writer has been through but kind of amazed also. I feel bad that she has had the misfortune to have intimate relationships with so many loathsome men but *spoiler alert* I can't believe she let her husband talk her into not one but TWO breast augmentation surgeries.
Shelly Frasier is one of my favorite narrators which was the main reason I downloaded this book and she gives her usual fantastic performance.