If I am Missing or Dead

A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation

By: Janine Latus

Narrated by: Shelly Frasier

Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins

Publisher's summary

In April 2002, Janine Latus' youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer. "Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved", it read, "but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his criminal past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me...."

That same spring, Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage - a marriage to a handsome and successful man. A marriage others emulated. A marriage in which she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong. A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped.

Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy. Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing.

Helicopters went up and search dogs went out. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder.

Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own, and her sister's, victimization with unflinching candor.

©2007 Janine Latus (P)2007 Tantor Media Inc.

Critic reviews

"Unforgettable, unsentimental, and profoundly affecting, Latus' book resonates long after the final page is turned." (Publishers Weekly)

A "Must" Read

I wish more people wrote interestingly enough about the recent past so we could constantly remember why we must stay vigilant in protecting our liberties. As a middle-aged woman born in the 70s, I found this book's depiction of the early/pre-feminist movement to be accurate. It underscores the importance of protecting these hard-won gains. We must keep writing and reading about the past to ensure it doesn't repeat itself, and this book excels in achieving that goal.

One review of this book claimed that Janine was superior-acting or dismissive of men for insignificant reasons. I believe that Janine isn't actually just Janine; she represents many women of her generation and those before her, who were treated as property of men, without identities or rights of their own. These women were often not allowed to develop into their own beings capable of genuine feelings. Of course, Janine would have these off-putting sentiments. She was a product of the constant abuse from men, who were always targeting her for all the wrong reasons. We were ALL Janine at some point.

The constant beatings, which many women believed they deserved, were a horrifying norm. I appreciated how the author simply stated what was considered normal at the time. The narrator did an excellent job delivering a hard-to-hear, "blow-by-blow" account of the worst aspects of the 70s.

Not only am I glad I listened to this book, but I also feel that we, as women, should encourage our daughters to listen to this nightmare of a life we once endured. We walked so they could run.

Amazing

This book truly moved me and I plan on buying a copy to circulate between my sisters and my friends. There were so many relationship truths in this book, and I found myself saying over and over "I thought that just happened to me." And the story was told in a way that I didn't want to stop listening, I truly enjoyed every minute. If you're a woman, I highly recommend that you read this book and then urge 5 of your friends to read it. If you're a man, read this book to understand how women really feel.

Compelling!

Any additional comments?

This book was frustrating and yet the story was told in such a way, I could not stop listening. It was frustrating in that I wanted to scream to the characters, "Get out of this relationship NOW!" It was also sad in that this is not fiction. On the other hand, it is also hopeful. The author eventually sees the light and goes on to a successful life although it is a life without her beloved sister, Amy.

I felt background story leading up to Amy's murder was exceptional - full of detail and reflection by the author. I was, however, disappointed in that the book's description said it also dealt with understanding why these abusive relationships were tolerated so long. After Amy's murder, it just seemed to stop abruptly. I felt the author came up a little short in this area. I would have liked more insight into her mindset. She talked about wanting acceptance from men all through the book and clearly she blames her father, but I would have liked more analysis of this area at the end. I think it would be helpful for young women who could potentially end up in abusive relationships to see the abuser for what they are and to get out before things progress to something serious.

All in all, this was a great listen. The narrator is excellent and I believe that can make all the difference when listening to a book verse reading it.

very touching

I have lost 2 family members to domestic violence. thank you for this realistic story.

Riveting read

This book grips you at the start by telling you the end. You stay tuned to find out how it ended that way.

Couldn't Stop Listening

This book was so powerful! The descriptions were so real, at times I felt like I knew the people involved. I had a hard time shutting off my Ipod while listening to this book. The fact that it is a true story makes it all the more riveting. I would buy any books by this author.

Good Book

Excellent book. Speaks to a systemic problem in North America. A problem that is a blight on our society, and it won't be solved until we all start to see it for what it is. Assault!

There's a lesson for Everyone

Listen to your loved ones. Pay attention. Stay connected even when they say they are fine. Listen to your gut. Perhaps we all can stop more stories like this

Spellbinding

I wasn't paying attention when I purchased this book. I thought I was getting one of those true crime tomes done by authors like Anne Rule. Nothing wrong with that, but what this book is is so much more.

Once I got past the initial shock of hearing about the author's childhood (not something I thought I was interested in), I settled into what turned out to be a thrilling read. This book is really about that thing in us that allows intelligent, educated and giving individuals to settle for less in love than we deserve. It happens to both sexes and this book is clearly dealing with the subject in depth.

I think the author, Janine Latus, is a genius in coming to relate the horror of her own marriage, the murder of her younger sister and the pain caused by this inability to get out of what surely are horrific relationships.

I don't think I've learned as much from a book in recent years. This is a spellbinding search for our real souls.

ok

This was not what I expected from the book. THe title and most of the story line makes you think that the main character is going to be the victim but then towards the end there is the real victim exposed. I couldn't stop listening to the book because of its dramatic nature but it really did not give me a whole lot to work with in the end.