Heads in Beds

A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality

By: Jacob Tomsky

Narrated by: Jacob Tomsky

Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.

Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.

Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.

©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Jacob Tomsky is a star. The kid writes like a dream. Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind - revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian. I love this book. Keep an eye on this writer. I'm telling you, he's a star." (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

I just clocked in

and this is exactly what I needed. Amazing first book! Well done and fun listen.

Fun listen! Worth a credit!

Very enjoyable and good stories by the author. I like the perspective he gives across his journey.

Funny, honest writing.

I love that the author read it because you are experiencing the moments as he intended. I think anyone who has ever had any job in a service industry would completely appreciate this book. The writing is crass at times but that is how people talk. People who are not ok with crass or crude humor should probably not read this.... or work at a hotel. I love crude, honest, and brutal humor and real-life observations and telling it like it is so I absolutely loved this book.

simply hilarious

A decade or so of stories from a former front line hotel employee. If you've listened to My Korean Deli, this is the equivalent for the hotel business.

A worthwhile use of a credit - easy & entertaining

This book was a fun listen and a worthwhile use of a credit. The stories are entertaining - if not always told with a cohesive narrative - and for someone like me who generally sticks to nonfiction/history it was a great easy listen/distraction. I liked that Mr. Tomsky narrated the book himself as the flourishes he adds to his own stories greatly improve the listen. Don't buy it if you're expecting Dave Eggers or David Sedaris type essays - also don't buy it if you're looking for honest to goodness travel tips. I thought the publishers pushing the book as having travel/hotel upgrade tips was disingenuous - Mr. Tomsky does use 'tips' as gateways to tell a story the 'insider tip' he offers is almost always give a big tip.

In short - well narrated, funny, easy listening....would be great for a long plane flight.

Hilarious, Informative: May Make You Laugh & Tip

This is a must read if you stay at hotels for two or more nights, certainly if you stay a week or more. But a sense of humor is required.

This hilarious book provides an insider’s view of the hotel industry, its services, guests, and employees. Ethical and unethical advice for how to make the most of your next hotel stay are provided. But this is not a dry how-to book or pompous tell-all. It is a genuinely funny memoir about a young guy working in the hotel industry, making his living by moving up—and down—the hospitality ladder, and the people he meets.

The stories are well written and narrated—okay, the stories are laugh out loud funny. For example, do you ever wonder what happens to your car once in the valet's hands?

The narration throughout the book is just like the Audible Sample—conversational with cuss words and all—so if you like the sample and don't mind some cussing then my guess is you’ll like the book.

The book starts slowly, a bit bogged down in detail, but hang on because it speeds up. The beginning info is necessary. We learn how the author moves from being an out-of-work philosophy major graduate to valet driver to in-house hotel employee. By the end we are left with colorful laughable events full of honest, sharp-edged and keen observations of human behavior (good and the bad), useful tips to improve our next hotel stay, and an understanding of hotels including the history, the people who run them, who change our sheets, and clean our drinking glasses with Pledge--yes I said Pledge. And much more.

This is a hilarious book. I hope you enjoy it. And remember the next time you want a room up-grade just tip the…. Oh read the book.

Wow - Nailed it on the head

A Hotello myself I found myself laughing out loud and tearing in other moments. Thank you for your book.

Thank You Mr. Tomsky!

As an employee in the hospitality industry, I got a real kick out of this book. I found it in a moment of job-related frustrated weakness and found comfort in Jacob's -- or "Tommy's" -- tales of guest fiascos and crazy managers. I found this book to be reassuring, and I've already recommended it to several of my hospitality friends.
Thanks Mr. Tomsky!

Fun and educational

What made the experience of listening to Heads in Beds the most enjoyable?

The author's serious but youthful tone.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The entire book was a pleasure to read.

Any additional comments?

Worth a credit plus some.

Not what I expected

When I found this audiobook and read the title, I thought it was an expose` of hotels--all the little particulars of making rooms ready for strangers. Only a few minutes into the narrative I realized I was completely wrong. A few more minutes and I was hooked--the protagonist begins the book as a hapless valet at a moderate New Orleans hotel. The book chronicles his rise to front desk, through a move to New York, and dreams of a larger life. It can be surprisingly sad in parts--remembering his friends in New Orleans post-Katrina, but laugh out loud funny in others (I'll NEVER forget the guest with the brown paper bag). The reader has the advantage of being the author, so he knows exactly where to delight and surprise the listener. To me, wanting something different, this book was exactly right, even though it was nothing like I thought.