Heads in Beds

A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality

By: Jacob Tomsky

Narrated by: Jacob Tomsky

Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.

Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.

Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.

©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Jacob Tomsky is a star. The kid writes like a dream. Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind - revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian. I love this book. Keep an eye on this writer. I'm telling you, he's a star." (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

A memoir and a tip jar

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes! The author gave a gritty and truthful look at the hotel industry, peppered with advice for customers. It was comically honest and equally tragic. I loved this book. I highly recommend it. I gave it all the stars!

What did you like best about this story?

I liked that the author was the narrator. It was the kind of story that was best told by the person who lived it.

What about Jacob Tomsky’s performance did you like?

Tomsky was good with the voices. He was engaging and funny, even when the subject matter was negative. He was honest about his own negative experiences. I have a problem with other writers like Sheryl Sandberg (Lean In) and Tal Birdsey (A Room for Learning: The Making of a School in Vermont) who are coy about what screw ups they are. We are all screw ups and being honest about that, like Tomsky, is real.

Funny, poetic, and poignant

This was a great listen. My wife, who usually tries to ignore my audiobook listening, found herself just as hooked as I was hearing a few minutes of this.

The author makes an interesting and funny story out of his accidental career in hospitality. The contrast between his idealism in New Orleans and the cynical huckster he becomes in New York is pretty clear and well-drawn.

There is a bunch of serious stuff in here to, about working life, unions, and human nature, but mostly there is entertainment. It's great that the author narrated it himself too - he is very listenable.

Finally I should say that there is some genuine poetic beauty here, particularly in his description of New Orleans.

Funny and informative

I appreciated the insiders information of the hotel business given in such a humorous way. I couldn’t stop listening to it!

Amazing, must read if you are a hotelier!

Coming from a seasoned professional hotelier, this is a fantastic representation of the business. Join “Tommy” on his journey in the hospitality business. Starts as a valet and moves up, traveling across properties and the us. This book will keep you on edge, engaged, and laughing you a$$ off! 10/10 recommend!

Funny, honest writing.

I love that the author read it because you are experiencing the moments as he intended. I think anyone who has ever had any job in a service industry would completely appreciate this book. The writing is crass at times but that is how people talk. People who are not ok with crass or crude humor should probably not read this.... or work at a hotel. I love crude, honest, and brutal humor and real-life observations and telling it like it is so I absolutely loved this book.

simply hilarious

A decade or so of stories from a former front line hotel employee. If you've listened to My Korean Deli, this is the equivalent for the hotel business.

A worthwhile use of a credit - easy & entertaining

This book was a fun listen and a worthwhile use of a credit. The stories are entertaining - if not always told with a cohesive narrative - and for someone like me who generally sticks to nonfiction/history it was a great easy listen/distraction. I liked that Mr. Tomsky narrated the book himself as the flourishes he adds to his own stories greatly improve the listen. Don't buy it if you're expecting Dave Eggers or David Sedaris type essays - also don't buy it if you're looking for honest to goodness travel tips. I thought the publishers pushing the book as having travel/hotel upgrade tips was disingenuous - Mr. Tomsky does use 'tips' as gateways to tell a story the 'insider tip' he offers is almost always give a big tip.

In short - well narrated, funny, easy listening....would be great for a long plane flight.

Hilarious, Informative: May Make You Laugh & Tip

This is a must read if you stay at hotels for two or more nights, certainly if you stay a week or more. But a sense of humor is required.

This hilarious book provides an insider’s view of the hotel industry, its services, guests, and employees. Ethical and unethical advice for how to make the most of your next hotel stay are provided. But this is not a dry how-to book or pompous tell-all. It is a genuinely funny memoir about a young guy working in the hotel industry, making his living by moving up—and down—the hospitality ladder, and the people he meets.

The stories are well written and narrated—okay, the stories are laugh out loud funny. For example, do you ever wonder what happens to your car once in the valet's hands?

The narration throughout the book is just like the Audible Sample—conversational with cuss words and all—so if you like the sample and don't mind some cussing then my guess is you’ll like the book.

The book starts slowly, a bit bogged down in detail, but hang on because it speeds up. The beginning info is necessary. We learn how the author moves from being an out-of-work philosophy major graduate to valet driver to in-house hotel employee. By the end we are left with colorful laughable events full of honest, sharp-edged and keen observations of human behavior (good and the bad), useful tips to improve our next hotel stay, and an understanding of hotels including the history, the people who run them, who change our sheets, and clean our drinking glasses with Pledge--yes I said Pledge. And much more.

This is a hilarious book. I hope you enjoy it. And remember the next time you want a room up-grade just tip the…. Oh read the book.

Wow - Nailed it on the head

A Hotello myself I found myself laughing out loud and tearing in other moments. Thank you for your book.

Thank You Mr. Tomsky!

As an employee in the hospitality industry, I got a real kick out of this book. I found it in a moment of job-related frustrated weakness and found comfort in Jacob's -- or "Tommy's" -- tales of guest fiascos and crazy managers. I found this book to be reassuring, and I've already recommended it to several of my hospitality friends.
Thanks Mr. Tomsky!