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Heads in Beds Audiobook

Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality

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Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.

Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.

Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.

©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House Audio

What the Critics Say

"Jacob Tomsky is a star. The kid writes like a dream. Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind - revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian. I love this book. Keep an eye on this writer. I'm telling you, he's a star." (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.2 (636 )
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4.2 (582 )
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4.3 (583 )
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3 star
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2 star
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1 star
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Performance
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  •  
    PT PA 08-11-13
    PT PA 08-11-13 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
    56
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    "Very, Very Enjoyable"
    If you could sum up Heads in Beds in three words, what would they be?

    Well told stories.


    What did you like best about this story?

    It's not a comedy, but there were spots where I laughed out loud. More than a few. That's rare.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    There were a lot of good scenes. I suppose the end scene was most memorable.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Not necessarily. It was by nature episodic, but a nice balace between vignettes and the overall story. Very enjoyable reading. (I am a professional nonfiction writer myself.)


    Any additional comments?

    Highly recommended. Definitely in my Top Five for 2013 as of August.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    E.R. 08-06-13
    E.R. 08-06-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Absolutely fantastic!"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I was very pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed this book! Narrated by the author (always a plus!), this book discloses the ins and outs of the hotel business (really great tips if you're a frequent traveler) in an interesting and entertaining way, and with dashes of philosophy here and there. The author does have a degree in philosophy, after all!


    Who was your favorite character and why?

    The author, "Tommy" (who also narrates this audiobook). I loved hearing about all the escapades of an accidental hotel employee.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Adrian 05-17-13
    Adrian 05-17-13 Member Since 2011

    Author of "Turned Wrong at Ding Dong."

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A memoir and a tip jar"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    Yes! The author gave a gritty and truthful look at the hotel industry, peppered with advice for customers. It was comically honest and equally tragic. I loved this book. I highly recommend it. I gave it all the stars!


    What did you like best about this story?

    I liked that the author was the narrator. It was the kind of story that was best told by the person who lived it.


    What about Jacob Tomsky’s performance did you like?

    Tomsky was good with the voices. He was engaging and funny, even when the subject matter was negative. He was honest about his own negative experiences. I have a problem with other writers like Sheryl Sandberg (Lean In) and Tal Birdsey (A Room for Learning: The Making of a School in Vermont) who are coy about what screw ups they are. We are all screw ups and being honest about that, like Tomsky, is real.


    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Red and Rua 05-10-13
    Red and Rua 05-10-13 Member Since 2015

    Red and Rua

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    6
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    "Hilarious and educational"
    Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

    I would recommend this to any friend who travels. There is useful information about do's and don'ts.


    Any additional comments?

    This book was very entertaining and witty. The author does a fantastic job at altering his recording to match the mood of the book which is a skill many audio book readers do not have. Since the author read his own book the emotions conveyed seemed very genuine. The language is very open involving sex and cussing which doesn't bother me at all but a fair warning to those easily offended.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jenifer 05-09-13
    Jenifer 05-09-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Good Driving Entertainment"
    Any additional comments?

    I very much enjoyed the humor and pace of this book. The little bit of fun after the credits was a treat. It's not life changing, and I didn't really learn anything new; just confirmed that hospitality staff are sneaky, cocky, and money-hungry. Ahhh...but that's OK with me!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    James Morrisville, NC, United States 04-24-13
    James Morrisville, NC, United States 04-24-13 Member Since 2013
    ratings
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    6
    5
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    Performance
    Story
    "For the Road Warrior from your hotel's perspective"
    What made the experience of listening to Heads in Beds the most enjoyable?

    The narrator did a great job with the accents and the author did a good job conveying NY vernacular.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Heads in Beds?

    Near the end when the guy from New York(jokingly) said he'd break his legs. And the Author makes the point if you don't get the joke, then you missed the point of the story.


    Have you listened to any of Jacob Tomsky’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

    No I haven't.


    Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

    I busted out laughing a few times and had some eye openings to the BOH processes. As a road warrior we only see the front desk and fail to realize, their position in the grand scheme of things. Having worked retail in my youth, I understand the cavalier attitude of virtually any employee described.


    Any additional comments?

    Great book, quite funny, educational even for an experienced traveler, for someone new to the world of travelling, a wealth of information. This would make a fantastic gift for the road warrior family member or friend to read on their trips.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Patty Columbus, MN, United States 04-24-13
    Patty Columbus, MN, United States 04-24-13
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    "Cover your Ears"
    What disappointed you about Heads in Beds?

    The language in this book was so offensive that I could not finish the book as much as I would have liked to hear the story. Maybe if I was reading it I could have skipped over the foul words, but impossilbe to avoid in an audio book.


    Would you ever listen to anything by Jacob Tomsky again?

    Nope


    Any additional comments?

    I wish audio books came with ratings for language because I've been disappointed in a few books. I know some people really swear profusely, but if the story can't be told without the over use of profanity then I do not want to 'read' the book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jerardo el paso, TX, United States 04-09-13
    Jerardo el paso, TX, United States 04-09-13 Member Since 2012
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    "WOW!"

    The book started off a little slow. But that did not last long....written very well. I like the fact it was narrated by the author. He brought real life to all the characters he played. As the book continued I felt like I was going on this journey with the author. I literally laughed out loud and was saddened at how the author's life was playing out. Perfectly narrated! I wish it didn't finish! Great book!

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Garry Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines 04-05-13
    Garry Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines 04-05-13 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "A hyped side of being a hotelier"
    Would you try another book from Jacob Tomsky and/or Jacob Tomsky?

    no


    What did you like best about this story?

    If you want to hear the shady side of the hotel business this is a good insight


    How could the performance have been better?

    change the narrator ...I never finished this book 1st time in all my 50 Audible Titles . It was so irritating listening to someone who sounded like Sylvester the Cat.


    Any additional comments?

    As a hotelier who rose from page boy to GM. hope the listeners know not all hoteliers are shady , hustling or drug dependent. But hospitality professional who enjoys being a gracious host.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sand 04-03-13
    Sand 04-03-13 Member Since 2014
    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Annoying at times but entertaining nonetheless"

    Here's where the audio version of a book can really make a difference.
    I'd read some print reviews and comments that characterized the narration as arrogant at best, and flat-out insulting toward hotel guests at worst. And I can see how, without the winking wryness of Tomsky's voice narration to smooth things over, this could definitely come off as more of a whiny rant than the ironic-but-human tone the author (I think) intended.

    And I can totally see why some people took offense--Tomsky makes no bones about hotel service being all about the bones--or bricks, or bennies, or all those other nicknames they have for tip denominations.

    If the staff's not making fun of us behind our backs (literally--and with hand motions--I wish I could cite the chapter but you'll just have to get the book...), they're key-bombing us, or peeing into our cologne bottles. (Okay the peeing in the bottle story is apocryphal at best and only involved a celeb athlete, but still...)

    But don't despair; Tomsky gives back by telling us what to do--and what not to do when we check in. If nothing else, you'll have fun figuring out the celebrity blind items. (Spoiler/answer key: Tim Burton, John Cusack, Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jordan)

    Tomsky can write, and he has a few good anecdotes, but not as many as you'd think given all his years in the biz. He sounds like a genuinely good guy whose writing has been snarked-up by too many readings at the Knitting Factory--I heard the Brooklyn-hipster-style in his voice before I even confirmed that's where he lived.
    But he arguably makes up for it with some awesome NYC and Nawlin's accents.

    Frequent travelers probably won't find anything new here, and I'm not sure there's enough "inside dirt" for this to be a truly explosive read, but I was thoroughly entertained nonetheless.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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