Heads in Beds

A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality

By: Jacob Tomsky

Narrated by: Jacob Tomsky

Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.

Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.

Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.

©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Jacob Tomsky is a star. The kid writes like a dream. Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind - revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian. I love this book. Keep an eye on this writer. I'm telling you, he's a star." (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

The unglamorous life of a front desk jockey

I have a couple of friends that work in the hotel industry, and I can begin to understand them better now. It is a high pressure business that depends on employees conditioned to hustle tips for excellent service.I worked for Home Depot and was fed this talk for 20 years and we weren't allowed to accept tip.. Basically, the owner profits and the employees despite doing a fantastic job, are shafted by the management. I now believe fully in unions, since the author belonged to one and was defended effectively by the union.This was a great education on what politically correct language can be used on the public.It was also enlightening to learn that the front desk can really make or break your experience, since they know everything about the rooms and property. He teaches us how to dispute charged and raid the mini bar or movie service to our advantage.

real and raw

a must read for anyone in the he hospitality industry! you will laugh alot!

Truth speaker

I work in hotels and summed my career up beautifully! Kept if fun, light and real. Just wish there was more

Fascinating (if a bit long-winded)

What made the experience of listening to Heads in Beds the most enjoyable?

Really interesting behind the scenes information about hotels - I will definitely think differently next time I check-in to one! Also, easy to connect and sympathize with the main character, as many of us have had those first terrible jobs.

Who was your favorite character and why?

The main character & narrator, Tommy.

What do you think the narrator could have done better?

There were times when his narrative grew a bit whiny - as if no one else had ever had such a difficult job or situation as him.

Any additional comments?

Worth a read, if just for the helpful hotel hints! But you'll get more from it than that.

Great!

Such a fun listen and insightful about all things in the Hotel business. I was bummed when it was over.

credit worthy

Novel view of the hotel and service industries. It kept my attention and made me laugh.

Outstanding book and even better narration!

Where does Heads in Beds rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This book in its category ranks in the top two.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Torn between the author and the bellman/doorman.

What does Jacob Tomsky bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

His very real voice I.e. the street talk.

Any additional comments?

Truly a great listen one of about three books I was able to listen to straight thru, the author was an amazing narrator as well. Opened my eyes into a service I love to use but always wondered how to improve my stays, and more importantly how not to behave.

My best listen of the year.

Would you consider the audio edition of Heads in Beds to be better than the print version?

I loved the audible version because you get the spirit and personality of the memoir through the author's own voice.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Heads in Beds?

At the end of the book their are things not to say when checking into a hotel. Some of these are so obvious its hard to believe that some guest's still use them.

Which character – as performed by Jacob Tomsky – was your favorite?

The author plays himself but under a different name which is hilarious on its own. I won't tell you though, you have to get the book.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

Never have your luggage kicked again?

Any additional comments?

I haven't ever reviewed anything on Audible. I started with the book and then wanted to listen to it at work and in the car. Tomsky is going to make you laugh, but he is going to make you laugh at yourself. Once you listen to this book you can plan on having much better hotel experiences.

Annoying at times but entertaining nonetheless

Here's where the audio version of a book can really make a difference.
I'd read some print reviews and comments that characterized the narration as arrogant at best, and flat-out insulting toward hotel guests at worst. And I can see how, without the winking wryness of Tomsky's voice narration to smooth things over, this could definitely come off as more of a whiny rant than the ironic-but-human tone the author (I think) intended.

And I can totally see why some people took offense--Tomsky makes no bones about hotel service being all about the bones--or bricks, or bennies, or all those other nicknames they have for tip denominations.

If the staff's not making fun of us behind our backs (literally--and with hand motions--I wish I could cite the chapter but you'll just have to get the book...), they're key-bombing us, or peeing into our cologne bottles. (Okay the peeing in the bottle story is apocryphal at best and only involved a celeb athlete, but still...)

But don't despair; Tomsky gives back by telling us what to do--and what not to do when we check in. If nothing else, you'll have fun figuring out the celebrity blind items. (Spoiler/answer key: Tim Burton, John Cusack, Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jordan)

Tomsky can write, and he has a few good anecdotes, but not as many as you'd think given all his years in the biz. He sounds like a genuinely good guy whose writing has been snarked-up by too many readings at the Knitting Factory--I heard the Brooklyn-hipster-style in his voice before I even confirmed that's where he lived.
But he arguably makes up for it with some awesome NYC and Nawlin's accents.

Frequent travelers probably won't find anything new here, and I'm not sure there's enough "inside dirt" for this to be a truly explosive read, but I was thoroughly entertained nonetheless.

Must read for any Hotelier

I really enjoyed his harsh but true insights of the hospitality industry. I couldn't put the book down!