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100% Match
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 1 hr and 14 mins
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Publisher's summary
"What The One Minute Manager was to business, 100% Match is to relationships." (PC3 Books)
Bart is 30. He is bald. He is overweight. He wears glasses. He is a fry cook. He hates cats. And kids. Bart occasionally does very bad things. He is looking for his perfect match. He has done his research.
"Depraved, deranged, and blackly hilarious. PC3 does what he does best here, and doesn't hold back. I suspect 89.3% of you will love this story. The other 10.7% are humorless prudes." (Chris Miller, author of Dust and Dub-Town Blues)
"Vile, repulsive, and smart, with a kick-in-the-ass ending. You know, all the stuff we've come to love about PC3" (Rayne Havok, author of Necrosis)
"Get ready to squirm, cringe, and maybe even laugh! Patrick C. Harrison III's prose is as slick as it is sick, and 100% Match is one you won't want to miss. Especially if you're deranged and looking for love." (Judith Sonnet, author of No One Rides for Free)
"If you like your fiction sick and twisted, this one will be a 100% match for you. PC3 gives us a glimpse into the mind of the truly depraved, and despite the nature of spending time in such a nasty headspace, the story is entertaining as hell. Just don’t read it on a full stomach." (Robert Essig, author of The Circus Oasis and Tweaker Creatures)
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Freshly disengaged from her fiancé and feeling that life has not turned out quite the way she planned, 30-year-old Ruth quits her job, leaves town, and arrives at her parents' home to find that situation more complicated than she'd realized. Her father, a prominent history professor, is losing his memory and is only erratically lucid. Ruth's mother, meanwhile, is lucidly erratic.
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Hello Sweet Sweet Book
- By Syd Young on 08-06-17
By: Rachel Khong
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Autobiography of a Fat Bride
- True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air conditioning. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony.
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Hilarious
- By MissSusie66 on 05-10-12
By: Laurie Notaro
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My Planet
- Finding Humor in the Oddest Places
- By: Mary Roach
- Narrated by: Angela Dawe
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Follow New York Times best-selling author Mary Roach - but be careful not to trip - as she weaves through personal anecdotes and everyday musings riddled with her uncanny wit and amazingly analytical eye. These essays, which found a well-deserved home within the pages of Reader's Digest as the column "My Planet," detail the inner workings of hypochondriacs, hoarders, and compulsive cheapskates. (Did we mention neurotic interior designers and professional list makers?) For Roach, humor is hidden in the most unlikely places, which means that nothing is off limits.
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Narrator drove me crazy
- By Ann on 04-23-14
By: Mary Roach
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The Body in the Attic
- A Jazzi Zanders Mystery, Book 1
- By: Judi Lynn
- Narrated by: Devon Sorvari
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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House-flipper Jazzi Zanders and her cousin Jerod have found their latest project. The property, formerly owned by the late Cal Juniper, is filled with debris that must be cleared before the real renovation begins. But a trip to the attic reveals something more disturbing than forgotten garbage - a skeleton wearing a locket and rings that Jazzi recognizes. Tests confirm that the bones belong to Jazzi’s aunt Lynda, who everyone assumed moved to New York years ago after breaking up with Cal. Soon enough, the whole family is involved, sifting through memories and rumors....
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Entertaining
- By Beatrice on 07-04-19
By: Judi Lynn
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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Peach Clobbered
- A Georgia B&B Mystery
- By: Anna Gerard
- Narrated by: Jane Oppenheimer
- Length: 9 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Nina Fleet’s life ought to be as sweet as a Georgia peach. Awarded a tidy sum in her divorce, Nina retired at 41 to a historic Queen Anne house in quaint Cymbeline, Georgia. But Nina’s barely settled into her new B&B-to-be when a penguin shows up on her porch...or, at least, a man wearing a penguin suit. Harry Westcott is making ends meet as an ice-cream shop’s mascot and has a letter from his great-aunt, pledging to leave him the house...too bad that’s not what her will says. Meanwhile, the Sisters of Perpetual Poverty have lost their lease.
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4 stars
- By Beatrice on 08-18-19
By: Anna Gerard
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When a Stranger Comes to Town
- By: Michael Koryta
- Narrated by: Cindy Kay, Janina Edwards, Fajer Al-Kaisi, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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It's been said that all great literature boils down to one of two stories—a man takes a journey, or a stranger comes to town. While mystery writers have been successfully using both approaches for generations, there's something undeniably alluring in the nature of a stranger: the uninvited guest, the unacquainted neighbor, the fish out of water. In the newest collection of stories by the Mystery Writers of America, each author weaves a fresh tale surrounding the eerie feeling that comes when a stranger enters our midst, featuring stories by prolific mystery writers.
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The narrators are outstanding here.
- By Jennifer Baratta She/Her on 05-16-21
By: Michael Koryta
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The Wildwater Walking Club
- By: Claire Cook
- Narrated by: Kymberly Dakin
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When Noreen takes a buyout and gets dumped by a boyfriend in one fell swoop, she finds herself with nothing but time to notice everything that's missing in her life. Tess is the teacher next door, who thought she'd be spending the summer with her college-bound daughter, but now that daughter isn't speaking to her.
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Very Good
- By Denise Wallace on 05-28-09
By: Claire Cook
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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Oliver Fitch has a troubling issue: He lives in a state of constant terror. After purchasing a convenience store in a once civil society, the streets around him have rapidly devolved into utter lawlessness. They're now festering with sinister gutter scum that live only to harass and intimidate him. His pathetic profits are gouged under the threat of violence, and there isn't a damn thing he can do about it. Because in a city with no rules, where the sun never shines, the authorities are no help. In fact, they're an equal part of the problem.
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So disturbing that it pulls you in
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Highly recommended
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I don't know why this was written.
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Oliver Fitch has a troubling issue: He lives in a state of constant terror. After purchasing a convenience store in a once civil society, the streets around him have rapidly devolved into utter lawlessness. They're now festering with sinister gutter scum that live only to harass and intimidate him. His pathetic profits are gouged under the threat of violence, and there isn't a damn thing he can do about it. Because in a city with no rules, where the sun never shines, the authorities are no help. In fact, they're an equal part of the problem.
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written so well
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Worth a return for credit.
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Not what I expected but in the best way .
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Taste a new horror. Which foul flavor amongst these 10 tales of torment and otherworldly strangeness will please your palate? An imbecilic man is taken advantage of for decades before finally considering an act of sweet revenge. A single, soon to be mother experiences a bizarre sequence of events triggered by her artificial insemination. Choose from all these and more. Step into the shoes of the disturbed fringe of society and explore the potential for evil in humanity. Your misery awaits…
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Not too bad
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Art or atrocity? Francisco Booth is an infamous photographer known for pushing boundaries, yet it’s only the boundaries he pushes away from the public eye that satisfy his macabre appetite. But when he’s gifted an antique picture frame that contains a strange stock photo, Francisco’s life is suddenly turned upside down. Each time he looks at the picture, he sees something different. As the world around him grows more frightening and absurd, he finds himself questioning his sanity. Will the beautiful woman in the frame become his ultimate prize or the instrument of his undoing?
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A young hospital security guard with a disturbingly unique taste in women. A maternity doctor with a horrifically unusual appetite. When the two of them meet, they embark on a journey of self-discovery while shattering societal norms and engaging in destructively aberrant behavior. As they unwittingly help each other understand a world in which neither seems to belong, they begin to realize what it truly means to be alive...and that it might not always a good thing.
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*groan* spoilers below
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Three low-income families have been given a handsome retainer to join Geraldine Borden for a day at her cliffside estate. All the parents must do to collect the rest of their money is allow their children to test out the revolutionary playground equipment Geraldine has been working on for decades. But there’s a reason the structures in the bowels of her gothic castle have taken so long to develop—they were never meant to see the light of day.
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Not for the weak-stomached.
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By: Aron Beauregard
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Blood and Blasphemy
- By: Gerri R Gray, George Alan Bradley, Aron Beauregard, and others
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If you enjoy your horror dipped in buckets of blood and sprinkled with generous amounts of blasphemy, then you've come to the right place!
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who approved narration?
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By: Gerri R Gray, and others
What listeners say about 100% Match
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- AshleY
- 07-28-23
Why did I wait so long?!
I have had this sick little shorty on my list forever. I tend to go for audiobooks due to my schedule. So when I found out it was being released to Audible and I got the opportunity to listen, I jumped so fast! I am glad I did. I loved this little story. The statistics cracked me up. Bart’s got it all down, every stat you can imagine and where he stands. I would giggle every time “an incident” was mentioned. I felt the need to gag a few times, which is rare for me. It takes a lot to gross me out but Bart is just so gross and disgusting... I am thoroughly impressed and can’t wait to read more from Patrick. 100% Match is funny, vile and deranged. Joe’s narration is superb and I loved every second. The ending was great… did Bart find his match?? You know you want to know!!
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- Juan Angel
- 02-05-24
Not what I was expecting
What a great modern horror story. Very disturbing (to say the least) with a bit of a predictable ending but totally gut-wrenching throughout.
It felt like a modern take on American Psycho's concept.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-09-24
100% deliciously disturbing.
What the actual F did I just read? Beyond gross , incredibly disturbing, I can't count the number of times I almost threw up. It was phenomenal. I have never been so grossed out and completely captivated all at the same time. The voice actor is incredible. loved every second, the shock factor is perfect. Such a strange little story. I really enjoyed it.
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- Robyn
- 04-05-24
strange and disturbing
as my title indicates this story is strange and disturbing as well as weird as hell
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- J. Nickey
- 08-01-23
Depraved
100% Match is a depraved little tale about a strange man trying to find his perfect match. Laced with dark humor, this was a quick an interesting read. Another hit from Harrison and great narration by Hempel!
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- Jacqueline
- 12-25-23
I like how casually he says things
Since the beginning i was thrown off by everything bart would casually do, lol like you don’t expect what his next move would be. I kinda wish it was longer tbh
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- Danika
- 07-28-23
I loveed it, what does that say about me? lol
Joe Hempel knocks this performance out of the park and the story.....WTF!!!!
PC3 does it again, he is quickly becoming one of my must read authors and this nasty little number is something special.
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- Bob M
- 08-09-23
Very easy to listen to. Story moves along well
The story is packed into a very easy size to digest. This is a depraved story but in a laid back way. Very much reminds me of American Psycho (in a good way). Definitely worth the listen and the narration is top notch
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- Danielle Arteaga
- 08-03-23
😆what the actual fuck
All I can say, is go in completely blind and just listen to the audiobook! It’s going to take me a while to heal from that one 🫨🫨🫨
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- timj26
- 07-28-23
Fast food anyone?
Love PC3 so when i seen this on multiple peoples gross out list I was eagerly anticipating the audiobook treatment and it doesn’t disappoint
Joe is one of the best narrators in the biz, and is flawless, as usual
If you enjoy splatterpunk, this is your 100% match
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