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Elijah Muddle’s life changed in an instant. The son of a spiteful and mean manure farmer, Elijah now has become an apprentice to the town’s warlock, Caliban. The chance to escape his terrible father and learn magic? It’s a dream come true! Until...it turns out that Elijah’s internal magic is wonky, and he is the absolute worst warlock ever - all his spells go wildly wrong, causing both hilarious and disastrous consequences all over town.

With the same razor-sharp wit and self-aware charm that captivated readers in Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone and Everyone on This Train Is a Suspect, Ernest Cunningham returns as your delightfully unreliable narrator in Everyone in This Bank Is a Thief. Bringing this story to life...

Meet Tommy Martini, the monk with an anger management problem. His meditations are interrupted by a legacy from his uncle, a crooked priest. Arriving in a New Age Arizona town to claim his inheritance, Brother Tommy meets a charismatic, smoking-hot cult leader who claims that women are being impregnated by alien beings while they sleep. Tommy’s own sleep is disturbed - by cartel hitmen, Mafia bill collectors, and women intrigued by his vow of chastity.

From New York Times bestseller Elle Cosimano comes Finlay Donovan Crosses the Line—the highly anticipated next installment in the beloved Finlay Donovan series. "[Narrator Angela] Dawe proves herself to be a virtuoso vocal shape-shifter, moving seamlessly from one character to another and...

"Funny, furious, and profane." —The New York Times “Not your typical celebrity memoir.” —Jimmy Kimmel Unflinchingly honest and darkly funny, You with the Sad Eyes unveils a side of Christina Applegate we’ve never seen, forever cementing her formidable and iconoclastic legacy. Christina...

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Warm, insightful, and witty, the first book of advice from New York Times bestselling author Jenny Lawson—aka the Bloggess Jenny Lawson is full of contradictions. She’s a celebrated author but battles self-doubt, paralysis, and anxiety. She’s an...

New middle school? Scary. Falling into a world of dragons and dark magic? Terrifying. Twin siblings Kyle and Kenzie thought starting a new middle school was their biggest problem until a mysterious, golden dragon yanked them through a portal into a realm filled with mythical beasts, skeletal soldiers, and wand-wielding witches. Stranded in a dangerous world where magic rules and nothing is as it seems, the twins join forces with a tiny dragon who’s lost his magic, and an ex-assassin with a haunted past. Their mission? Stop a power-hungry necromancer, survive an army of undead, and somehow...

The Avery Diary: My Middle School Crush! A Hilarious Book for Kids 9-12! OMG, my life is a TOTAL rollercoaster right now. First, I thought I liked Jason—the most popular guy in school—so I spent a week trying (and failing) to be cool. Turns out, he likes Taylor, which is great because I might actually like Jake... you know, my old best friend? But how do I tell him without looking like a total dork? Between my little brother Carl’s nonstop pranks, my cat trying to destroy me, and my best friends teasing me, my middle school life is basically a rom-com gone WRONG. Read my diary... but ...

Fifteen cozy spicy romances. Three complete shifter series in one sizzling bundle! Series included in this collection: Brides for Beasts: Bears Brides for Beasts: Wolves Brides for Beasts: Dragons Unlikely Mate: A Fated Mates Romance When a gruff bear shifter alpha collides with a cynical human recruiter for an arranged-marriage program, sparks fly in a fated-mates romance fueled by possessive instincts, small-town magic, and scorching chemistry. Off-Limits Mate: A Forbidden Romance When a curvy, pregnant bride meets a dominant bear-shifter enforcer, he knows she’s his fated mate but his ...

Ashley Perrin is fresh out of college and starting a job as a community liaison for the Third District–the city’s only sector with more alien residents than humans. Ashley’s barely found where the paper clips are kept when she’s beset with constituent complaints–from too much noise at the Annual Lupidian Celebration Parade to a trip-and-fall chicken to a very particular type of alien hornet that threatens the very city itself. And if that’s not terrifying enough, Ashley is next up at the office karaoke night.

When petty criminal Cal Carver is locked in a cell with a deranged, semi-naked cannibal, he suspects his life has hit its lowest point. He is mistaken. Abducted by aliens and whisked across the galaxy, Cal is thrown into a team of misfits and criminals and sent on a top secret mission for the president of Space. And that's when everything starts to go very, very wrong....

It’s officially booty o’clock, I’m alone again in my kitchen choking down a slice of terrible chocolate cake…and I’m pretty sure I just got drunk texted by the man I have a ginormous crush on. I’ve been daydreaming about Eliot Hoffman’s dimples for two months, and even though I’m sure this was a mistake on his end, it doesn’t mean it’s not an opportunity on mine. It’s the middle of the night, and I just wanna talk to him. So I text him back.

Sticking their noses where they are most definitely not wanted. Despairing of their humans, these pets take it upon themselves to solve the cases they see as only cats and dogs can. Whether they sniff out the clues or fool the criminals into thinking they are harmless pets to be ignored, Rex, Amber, Buster, and more enjoy escapades a plenty in this fun collection of short stories. Grab your copy and be ready for the fur to fly! Includes: Police Dog - Day One Amber's Bust The Little Lost Dachshund Hell Cat Hell Hounds The Clown, the Witch, and the Cat The Case of the Missing Pasty

Book three in the #1 New York Times bestselling Into Darkness Series, following the dark rom-com sensations Lights Out and Caught Up. The game is on for these enemies-to-lovers with laugh-out-loud banter and scorching-hot brat play. I hate that woman. Tyler Neumann has spent years looking for...

This is the ultimate book of weird history! Combining Volumes 1 and 2 in the “Weird Things in History and Why the Heck They Happened” series, this is your opportunity to jump into a time machine and visit some of the overlooked, the peculiar, and definitely the most amusing things that have influenced our contemporary world. Brace yourself for amusement and astonishment as you explore not only the 50 tales from the first two volumes but 5 additional historical events that you most likely won’t find in any school textbook! “Weird Things in History and Why the Heck They Happened” ...

One Click. Thirteen Times the Love. Thirteen Times the Miracle of Life. What happens when love finds a way no one thought possible? This exclusive collection brings together thirteen complete, standalone mpreg romance novels that will make your heart melt. Dive into worlds where grumpy cowboys, charming billionaires, and rival neighbors suddenly face the biggest challenge of their lives: an unexpected pregnancy. In this collection, you can expect: One-night stands with life-changing consequences Opposites who attract in an undeniable way Second chances at true love Forced proximity and ...

I charge $80 an hour for platonic, therapeutic cuddling. I didn’t charge extra for becoming the tactical obsession of a special-ops werewolf unit. My name is Carmen, and I’m a professional cuddler. No funny business—just holding lonely people so they feel human again. It’s a quiet job, until I get a group booking from "The Triad." I expected three nervous tech guys. I got three wall-to-wall muscles who look like they eat rocks for breakfast. They are a tactical mercenary team, lovers who have been fighting back-to-back for a decade. They claimed they needed grounding for "combat ...

AN INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER AN INSTANT USA TODAY AND INDIE BESTSELLER From one of the hottest stand-up comedians, Nate Bargatze brings his everyman comedy to the page in this hilarious collection of personal stories, opinions, and confessions. Nate Bargatze used to be a genius. That...

When you offer therapy to monsters, it’s wise to keep a sword handy. Master swordsman Logan Snow thought trading epic quests for a cozy counseling center would be his happily-ever-after. After all, when you delve into a giant’s dark past or advise an ogre with anger issues, what could go wrong? When a letter arrives bearing the grim news that Logan’s old mentor has been captured by a powerful warlock and imprisoned in his citadel, he must dust off his sword and attempt a desperate rescue. He rallies a group of unlikely heroes including Tressa, an alluring and deadly magician, and ...

Jim Wekle's first day as a trooper on an island in Alaska could have gone better. It was raining, the coffee was bad, and within hours of stepping off the seaplane, he found a bikini-clad girl floating in a kelp bed. As Jim investigates who might have put the bullet in her back, he stumbles across a uniquely diverse and extraordinarily hilarious batch of island inhabitants. Puffing on his imported cigars, Jim soon learns that no one on the island is more unique, diverse, or hilarious than his unlikely counterpart: a man simply known as Kram.