Last week, we explored the "why" behind Bethany's avoidant behavior. This week, we go deeper, uncovering the pain she has been silently carrying to keep the peace. For years, Bethany has minimized her own needs, believing her hurts "don't rise to the level" of the pain she caused Brian. But this silence has come at a cost: disconnection, resentment, and the loss of her own voice.

In a powerful moment of reclaiming her assertiveness, Bethany reconnects with the "badass" she used to be. We explore what healthy assertion looks like for an avoidant partner and why standing up for yourself is actually an act of love for the relationship. We then turn to Brian to understand the "very good reasons" behind his disrespectful protests, revealing that his anger is often a desperate "air horn" trying to wake his partner up to his pain.

This week's prompt: Reflect on a time you minimized your own hurt to keep the peace. What part of yourself did you have to silence, and what would it look like to reclaim that voice today?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

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Last week, we sat with Brian's heavy narrative that Bethany is "out to get him." This week, we turn the lens around to understand the experience of the avoidant partner. We explore a conflict about picking up their sick daughter from daycare, where Bethany's genuine attempt to help is misread as control, leaving her feeling like the "bad guy" yet again.

We finally unveil the "why" behind Bethany's lack of emotion. We learn that her "stone face" isn't indifference; it is a desperate shield against the pain of feeling like a failure. The breakthrough happens when she admits, "I'm not trying to avoid you... I'm just trying to shut out the pain," causing Brian to soften and feel hope for the first time in weeks.

This week's prompt: Think about your own version of the "stone face." When you shut down, go numb, or get super logical—what specific feeling are you trying to avoid? Are you protecting yourself from feeling like a failure or from feeling rejected?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

After a long holiday break, Bethany and Brian have lost momentum and are "not in a good spot." Brian opens the session feeling "checked out" and asks, "Is this insanity?" while Bethany feels like she's "walking on eggshells," afraid to trigger him. The core of the session focuses on the main block to their progress: Brian's unshakeable and "unworkable" narrative that Bethany is "maliciously out to get him."

We explore how Brian's history—from his mother to the financial infidelity to a new story from Christmas—has conditioned him to default to this narrative. The breakthrough comes in reframing this belief not as a fact, but as a safety strategy. His brain defaults to "she's malicious" because it offers a simple solution to his deep pain ("unlovable," "a fool"): it gives him "permission" to leave, which feels safer than being vulnerable.

This week's prompt: This week, we worked on the reframe from 'she's malicious' to 'she's just hurt and in her protective mode.' Think about your partner's most triggering behavior. What is the malicious story you automatically tell yourself about it? And what might the 'they're just hurt' version of that story be?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured in a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime