A leader is getting pressured to stop being so prickly and gain some humility. With her coach, she explores whether it’s even possible for humility to ever be a strength.

Core concepts in this episode:

• Humility is confidence without defensiveness.
• Assess yourself on the humility scale. “How do I respond to challenges?”
• Humble leaders are confident in their authority.
• Ask frequently: “How might I be wrong about this?”
• Humility requires active listening.

Questions addressed in this episode:

> Are humble leaders perceived as weak?

Some people may see humble leaders as weak, but humble leaders are actually confident in their authority.

> If humble leaders need confidence, will they be seen as arrogant?

No, because humble leaders do not fight for dominance. They invite the opinions of others and are non-defensive when challenged.

> How can I tell whether I am humble?

Ask yourself, “When I am challenged, what feelings do I experience?” Leaders who respond non-defensively are high in humility.

> What practices can I adopt to develop more humility?

Ask yourself frequently: “How might I be wrong about this?"

> What are the benefits to being a humble leader?

Your team will experience psychological safety and move towards high performance.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Humbitious: The Power of Low-Ego, High-Drive Leadership by Amer Kaissi explores how to be both ambitious and humble.

Links for coaches:

Join Tom and a community of coaches at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group.

The Los Angeles Chapter of International Coach Federation offers countless opportunities for CCEs and community building.

If you’re in the L.A. area, join the ICF-LA March Chapter meeting. And be sure to say ‘hi’ to Tom! Register here.

Each month, we share additional tools in our monthly email.

If you’d like to explore Private Coaching with Tom, reach out to him at: tom@essentialcomm.com.

This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast library:

Executive Presence

Leadership

Personal Growth & Self-Development

Related Episodes:

122 - Achieving Authenticity

146 - Building Empathy

248 - Building Listening

260 - How to Guarantee Psychological Safety

232 - Unlocking Executive Presence through Emotional Intelligence

Thank you so much for your reviews!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership

A chief officer is infuriated by the behavior of his egomaniacal CEO. With his coach, he explores how to be a healthy leader while reporting to a boss he doesn’t respect.

Core concepts in this episode:

• Egomaniacs rattle our sense of self.
• They will not change.
• Worrying does not help.
• Be accountable for how you show up. Manage yourself.
• Don’t take anything personally. They’re just a piece on a chess board.
• Ask yourself: “Am I seeing this person clearly?” Don’t allow emotions to drive your actions.
• Ask yourself: “How do I want to show up?” You have choice about what you prioritize and how you react in the workplace.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Crucial Conversations provides scripts and thoughts that will help you manage yourself when dealing with difficult people.

Tom and host Dave Stachowiak discussed “How to Handle a Boss Who’s a Jerk” on this episode of Coaching for Leaders. Great tools if you have a challenging boss.

Before sharing your reactions in the workplace, consider the politics around you. These two episodes will get you “Leading with Political Savvy” Parts 1 and 2.

Each month, there are additional tools in our monthly email.

If you’d like to explore Private Coaching, reach out to Tom. tom@essentialcomm.com.

This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast library:

Managing Yourself

Leadership

Perception – How You Perceive Others

RELATED EPISODES

239- 5 Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists

189 - “Don’t Take Anything Personally”

245- Giving Upward Feedback

114- Gravitas

133- The Narcissist Executive

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reviews!

Wishing you a year of growth and development!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team, thank you so much for listening.

A senior vice-president worries that attention on his people’s development will get overwhelmed in the volume of work. He asks his coach for tools to make the process effective and efficient.

Download our free tool that maps the Three Conversations Development Plan.

Core Concepts

Prioritizing professional development is hard.

The 3-Conversation model makes development easy for the leader and meaningful for the person.

The three conversations in summary:

1. Define ‘what,’ ‘why’ and give homework;
2. The person reflects on the homework and how they plan to improve;
3. Periodic check-ins about the homework. ‘What are you learning?’

The leader’s role in these conversations:

• Clarify the ‘what’ and ‘why’
• Listen and encourage
• Ask, ‘What are you learning?’

You can sign-up for more resources and tools in our monthly email.

If you’re thinking about coaching for yourself, or for someone on your team, let’s talk. tom@essentialcomm.com.

This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast library:

Feedback

Leadership

Management Skills

RELATED EPISODES

132 Coaching Your People

212 How to Coach Your People

258 How to Manage Defensive People

83 Leadership and Listening

206 Understanding Feedback

Thanks, as always, for your reviews!

Happy holidays.

Until next time, thanks so much for listening.

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team

After a leader turns around the performance of one of his direct reports, he and his coach explore how it happened. And how to make it stick.

Core ideas in the episode:

• Workplaces improve when positive feedback is present
• Our natural human negative bias is a barrier to giving positive feedback.
• Learn to notice when things go well.
• Tell people how they are helping solve the puzzle that is work.
• Research says the most effective feedback ratio is 4-to-1, positive to developmental.

Positive Feedback might sound like this:

1. Recognize what’s going well – and be specific
2. Appreciate how it’s helping solve the puzzle
3. Express your thanks

Developmental Feedback might sound like this:

1. Describe what happened – and be specific
2. Explain how it affects the puzzle solving effort
3. Express your hope for a different outcome

You can Sign-up for more resources and tools in our monthly email.

If you’re thinking about coaching for yourself, or for someone on your team, let’s talk. tom@essentialcomm.com.

This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast library:

Managing Yourself

Perception – How You Perceive Others

Relationship Building

Related episodes to listen to are:

146 - Building Empathy

119 - Creating Devoted Followers

212 - How to Coach Your People

255 - How to Deepen Relationships at Work

260 - How to Guarantee Psychological Safety

Thanks, as always, for your reviews!

Until next time, thanks so much for listening.

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team

A toxic boss destroys psychological safety on her team. One of her direct reports talks to his coach about how to survive. And how to keep his own team safe.

Core ideas in the episode:

• Don’t take other people’s bad behavior personally.
• You are not a victim. You have choice.
• Document repeated bad behavior.
• Openly discussing mistakes without blame creates safety on a team.
• As the leader, be willing to admit your own mistakes.
• Ask people: “How do you think that went?” and “What could we do differently?” Then listen without debate or rebuttal.

A free infographic supports this episode. Download it here.

The episode referred to about creating strong personal relationships is:

#199 Personal Connections.

Sign-up for monthly resources and tools in our monthly email.

Curious about coaching for yourself or someone on your team? Let’s talk. tom@essentialcomm.com.

COACHES! Want to see this year’s pricing survey results? Pop me an email at: tom@essentialcomm.com.

And come join the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check it out here.

Get additional tools for keeping yourself and your team psychologically safe in our podcast library in these three categories:

Assertiveness

Leadership

Managing Yourself

Additional episodes to listen to are:

187 - Agreeable Disagreement

70 - Assertion Versus Aggression

"75 - Don’t Take Anything Personally”

222- The Conflict Conversation

181 - Inviting Dialogue

Your reviews help the show stay ad-free.

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team

Concerned his introversion makes him less effective, a corporate vice president asks for coaching – from an extrovert! Together, the coach and client explore ways to assure his introversion is a strength.

Myers Briggs Type Indicator assesses four preferences. One is Introversion and Extroversion. Download a free sample of the profile report here.

The six tools unpacked in this episode are:

• Manage your energy
• Monitor your self-talk
• Have ideas ready
• Manage your calendar
• Share comfortably about yourself
• Develop both your thoughts and your skills

Listen to Tom’s conversation with Tom & Tom on the Beyond Podcast episode.

Learn “How to Make Small Talk with Executives” on the Coaching for Leaders podcast.

Curious about coaching? Shoot me an email. tom@essentialcomm.com.

Visiting the website? Sign-up for tools and resources in our monthly email.

Help yourself to our free infographics in the Essential Tools bin.

Get more support for supercharging your introversion in our podcast library in these three categories:

• Managing Yourself
• Self-Talk
• Social Skills

Additional episodes you could listen to are:

241 - Conquering People Pleasing

210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management

211 - How to Show Up as More of Yourself

254 - How to Talk so People Understand You

247 - Mastering Anxiety

Your reviews help the show stay ad-free.

So? Were these tools about introversion helpful? Let me know!

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team

A leader with a direct report who is, she says, the most defensive person she’s ever known, devotes an entire coaching session to gathering tools to help her cope.

All the tools and ideas and scripts in this episode are in an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here.

To work on “deserving” dive into The Four Agreements.

Dig into more tools for managing defensive people in our podcast library in these three categories:

Communication Skills

Management Skills

Relationship Building

Additional episodes you could listen to are:

216 - 7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks

60 - Be Impeccable with Your Word

35 - Handling Defensive Behaviors

173 - Managing Bad Behavior

138 - Managing Disruptive Executives

198 - Psychological Safety

Additional tools and resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Curious about coaching? Shoot me an email. tom@essentialcomm.com.

All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.

Your reviews help the show continue as an ad-free podcast.

Let us know how we can support you.

Until next time, thanks!

From The Look & Sound of Leadership team

Still traumatized over an angry explosion she’d aimed at an abusive leader years before, a leader asks her coach to help her access healthy assertion to use during moments of conflict.

Where are you on the assertion scale? Our assessments will tell you.

In the episode, ASSERTION got divided into two skills:

AWARENESS and EXPRESSION.

The four-step script to build healthy ASSERTION is:

• Situation
• Feeling
• Want
• Outcome

Part of assertion is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

Our tool defines EQ and gives exercises. Download it here.

“Unlocking Executive Presence Through Emotional Intelligence” Episode 232. The concept explained and tools provided.

Download “The Feeling Word Grid” here.

Ready for an amazing growth experience? Explore Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead course.

Often recommended. Always helpful. Crucial Conversations.

More tools in the ASSERTIVENESS category in the archive.

Episodes with assertiveness tools:

220 - Holding Boundaries

219 - How to Set Boundaries

210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management

86 - Intimacy in Business: Setting Boundaries

198 - Psychological Safety

Considering coaching? Talk with Tom. Send him an email here.

Additional resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here.

Until next time!

Thanks! from The Look & Sound of Leadership team