In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen dive deep into why pausing everything else might be the most important decision you ever make for your marriage. They get raw about the hidden costs of busyness, distractions, and avoidance, sharing personal stories from their own journey, including Brandon stepping down from ministry and Caitlyn reclaiming hours in her day, to illustrate how chronic exhaustion and misaligned priorities quietly erode intimacy. This podcast explains why facing pain head-on, regulating your nervous system, and creating space for transformative conversations are essential for rebuilding trust and connection. Packed with practical strategies, from reclaiming time and energy to cutting distractions, this episode is both an urgent wake-up call and a hopeful guide for couples ready to show up fully, prioritize their relationship, and restore lasting intimacy.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive, with lodging and meals included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Why Stop Everything to Save Your Marriage: Brandon opens the conversation, explaining what’s at stake if a marriage is neglected and why giving it full attention is worth every ounce of effort.
• 00:02:36 – Making Healing the #1 Priority: The couple shares how clearing their schedules and mental space to focus solely on repairing their marriage became the turning point in their relationship.
• 00:04:49 – Why Your Kids and Friends Matter: They discuss how the health of a marriage directly influences children, friendships, and social circles, highlighting the broader impact of prioritizing your union.
• 00:07:47 – The Roommate Marriage Problem: Brandon and Caitlyn explore how settling into disconnection and living like roommates can quietly erode intimacy, sometimes worse than divorce.
• 00:09:34 – Three Essentials Every Couple Needs to Heal: Caitlyn outlines the foundational elements of time, energy, and shared effort that every couple must commit to in order to restore their relationship.
• 00:15:02 – Removing Distractions to Reconnect: They provide practical advice on turning off phones, TV, and other distractions to create space for meaningful connection.
• 00:21:32 – Focus Matters: Brandon explains why saying no to volunteering, side projects, and other commitments is essential to saving your marriage.
• 00:27:24 – Leaving Ministry to Save Marriage: Brandon recounts stepping away from ministry and public accolades to focus fully on his marriage, illustrating the cost of true prioritization.
• 00:29:35 – Identity Recreation: Caitlyn discusses how letting go of titles, roles, and societal expectations allowed both partners to reconnect authentically.
• 00:34:02 – Priorities That Never Crumble: They explain the principle of protecting marriage and family above all else as a way to sustain long-term influence and personal fulfillment.
• 00:37:00 – Letting It All Crumble: Brandon shares how allowing work, projects, and public perception to fall apart in 2020 became a necessary step for rebuilding their life together.
• 00:39:07 – Life on the Other Side: They describe the renewed joy, connection, and purpose that emerged after making the hard choices to prioritize marriage above everything else.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we touched on the fundamental misunderstanding most couples have about conflict - it's not about communication styles, it's about unhealed pain. Brandon and Caitlyn dismantle the myth that arguing stems from everyday disagreements like where to go to dinner, revealing instead how betrayal trauma, broken trust, and prolonged disconnection create explosive emotional reactions. They share their personal transformation from a cycle where Brandon's porn addiction triggered defensive responses and Caitlyn's pain was met with minimization. The breakthrough came when Brandon learned to lean into her pain rather than run from it, using specific body language techniques and their "Comfort Flow" method that prioritizes emotional validation over fact-correction, ultimately transforming adversaries into teammates. This episode is full of hard-won wisdom, emotional insight, and actionable tools for any couple ready to stop avoiding conflict and start using it as a gateway to deeper intimacy.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive, with lodging and meals included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Two Types of Conflict: The conversation opens with the distinction between everyday disagreements and conflict rooted in deeper wounds like betrayal or broken trust.
• 00:04:57 – Playing the Victim Card: How viewing yourself as society's casualty rather than your spouse's betrayer keeps you trapped in defensive cycles that destroy intimacy.
• 00:07:13 – The Gift of an Angry Wife: A new perspective emerges—an angry or frustrated wife is still engaged and willing to fight for the relationship, which can be seen as a gift of insight into her heart.
• 00:12:38 – A Counselor’s Pivotal Question: A powerful moment hits home when a counselor bluntly asks if Brandon’s actions made him an “asshole,” prompting honest self-reflection.
• 00:16:50 – Fight or Flight State: Caitlyn explains how betrayal discovery triggers panic and trauma, comparing it to being physically attacked.
• 00:20:54 – The Childish Argument Metaphor: Brandon uses the example of children fighting to illustrate that conflict can be a momentary outburst that, when handled constructively, can lead to a quick resolution.
• 00:22:41 – Grounded vs. Ungrounded Responses: Two core responses to a partner's pain are introduced: a grounded, powerful approach and an ungrounded, passive one.
• 00:26:59 – The “Mr. Pain” Bodyguard: Brandon introduces a mental picture to help men handle a partner's intense emotions by visualizing a "bodyguard" that helps them see the emotion as their partner's pain, not a personal threat.
• 00:28:31 – The Comfort Flow Tool: Introduction to their structured conversation template for processing pain and moving toward repair.
• 00:31:02 – The Problem with Robotic Apologies: Empty “I’m sorrys” are traced back to childhood conditioning—why they fail and what’s needed instead to repair real pain.
• 00:36:36 – Setting Up the Comfort Flow Example: They roleplay how to walk through the Comfort Flow when a spouse is newly devastated by a betrayal—showing what to say and what to avoid.
• 00:42:02 – The Source of Relationship Conflict: Brandon summarizes that relationship conflicts stem from underlying pain and separation, not surface issues like dinner choices, emphasizing the need to address root causes.

In today’s episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, discover how anxiety can silently sabotage your marriage and the small daily habits that can set you free. Brandon opens up about his years of crippling anxiety and the coping mechanisms that masked the problem: endless scrolling, gaming, and withdrawing from family life. A breaking point came with a 40-day fast and a panic attack that forced him to face the truth. Caitlyn brings a powerful perspective on why so many couples lack the emotional vocabulary to navigate these struggles, and how that gap fuels disconnection. Together, they share practical strategies, from naming emotions to practicing embodied exercises like breathwork and cold showers, that create space for real intimacy. If stress and avoidance are stealing joy from your marriage, this conversation offers both validation and a roadmap toward lasting peace.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:29 – Introduction: Brandon and Caitlyn frame anxiety as a hidden barrier to emotional safety in marriage.
• 00:01:54 – The Gut–Emotion Connection: Brandon explains how unresolved emotions often show up as digestive issues and physical stress.
• 00:02:34 – Video Games as Escape: He admits that gaming and scrolling became his way to numb out and regulate emotions.
• 00:03:51 – The Waterfall Analogy: Brandon shares a mentor’s picture of how entertainment only pauses anxiety but never resolves it.
• 00:04:47 – Rest vs. Entertainment: Caitlyn challenges the idea that zoning out with screens equals rest, calling it avoidance.
• 00:07:01 – Running from Emotions: She explains how people chase addictions to avoid the emotions they don’t want to face.
• 00:09:21 – The Real Struggle in Marriage: Brandon reflects on how marriage and kids amplified his anxiety by removing alone time.
• 00:13:00 – Panic at the Airport: He recounts collapsing in Portland Airport under stress, marking a breaking point.
• 00:14:07 – Emotional Illiteracy in Childhood: Caitlyn highlights how many weren’t taught to name or process emotions growing up.
• 00:19:02 – A Turning Point: Brandon introduces “deliberate practice in a controlled environment” as a key to healing.
• 00:20:00 – Emotional Response Training: He describes his daily practices—cold showers, breathwork, and miming—that reshaped responses.
• 00:23:00 – From Anxiety to Rest: Through embodiment routines, Brandon learned to find calm and see Caitlyn’s strength as support.
• 00:28:03 – Simplicity of Healing: They close by showing how simple practices and rewired beliefs unlock peace and freedom.