Welcome to the Gnar Couch Podshow, where the intros are confusing, the hosts are unqualified, and the only thing steeper than our local trails is the price of a Deer Valley cookie. In this episode, we prove once again that no one should be taking mountain bike life advice from people whose greatest accomplishment is surviving a group chat roast.

This week, the crew kicks off with the usual banter about whose life is falling apart the fastest (spoiler: it’s a tie). Rob almost spits his beer everywhere, Perri brags about being a “spool carrier” like that means something, and Cheef tells traumatic cat stories that somehow end up with broken Corvettes, dead cats, and an existential crisis about Miatas.

We fail to get through the intro without getting distracted multiple times (classic), thank our sponsors with the enthusiasm of people who definitely don’t deserve them, and then drag CJ (“Neat Girl” herself, CJ Selig) back into the chaos for another round of questions she probably regrets answering.

Topics include:

• CJ’s wild re-entry to Virgin after Rampage, where she brings her Czech friend to Utah for a crash course in heatstroke and massive terrain anxiety

• Inside gossip about Rampage: why all the lines are basically a mosh pit, how to fail at finding enough rocks, and the pure joy of rolling big rocks down cliffs while TV producers have an aneurysm

• A masterclass on bombing desert ridges, eating shit, and pretending you’re not terrified because the camera crew is watching

• CJ's wrist x-rays, failed attempts at breaking the internet (or just her arm), and the motivational power of just yelling “Rampage!” at yourself until something “cool” happens

• More cat trauma, way too much information about how to dispose of cactuses, and at least two dog shoutouts (plus something about German paperwork, whatever)

Plus, Cheef and JP spend half the episode arguing who is stronger, CJ lists off sponsors like a guy on The Price Is Right, and everyone ignores the agenda to talk about BMX tricks that make us feel like toddlers on Striders.

We end by pretending to answer real listener questions, plugging our Patreon for the 37th time, and debating who our favorite guest is. CJ shouts out Haro Bikes, we thank our moms, and promises are made to tell more inappropriate stories in the Patreon bonus hour.

If you wanted an actual mountain bike podcast, you’re in the wrong place. If you want to hear why none of us should have a driver’s license, own power tools, or give motivational advice to anyone, subscribe, tune in, and prepare to regret it.*

*No cactuses were harmed in the making of this episode. Except that one. Oops.

00:00 Random cat and fan mishaps

08:22 Patreon perks and sponsor shoutout

11:29 Hitting the trails with style

18:50 Digging and improvising for Rampage

25:07 Recovering from a minor crash

32:46 From quiet digs to media chaos

37:30 Recovering from setbacks in riding

42:27 The challenges of desert riding

45:39 The vibe of mountain riding

53:18 Guest asks the hosts a question

56:52 Wrapping up hour one

01:02:24 CJ's epic trail riding

Gnar Couch, mountain biking, freeride, CJ Selig, podcast, Rampage, Red Bull Rampage, Virgin Utah, MTB injuries, women in MTB, mountain biking podcast, bike park, BMX, mountain bike tricks, dig crew, freeride mountain biking, downhill racing, Kalnica Bike Park, bike life, MTB crashes, MTB training, Utah mountain biking, mountain bike stories, mountain bike community, MTB progression, bicycle podcast, cycling, extreme sports, Haro Bikes, MTB sponsors, TRP Cycling, Crank Brothers

Welcome to Episode 260328 of the Gnar Couch Podshow, where mountain bike culture and idiocy crash together like two bros going for the same gap without checking their speed. If you came here for hot tips on how to shred harder, don’t worry, you’ll probably leave dumber than when you clicked.

This week, our special guests are Dillon Butcher (alleged trail wizard, possible cult leader) and Cole Nichol (not Cole Trickle, but we keep pretending anyway), straight from the Pacific Northwest where the dirt’s as loamy as our brains are mushy. They dive into their New World Disorder-inspired video project and explain how to build giant jumps, scare yourself, and survive digging for Rampage riders without peeing your pants.

Topics include:

• Trail guinea pigging: Why sending a freshly built monster jump is more terrifying than sharing a bathroom stall at Maverick.

• Mountain bike genres: Is there actually a war between “trail dads” and “freeride degenerates,” or did we invent that?

• Biking in Vancouver Island vs Utah: More trees, fewer crackheads (allegedly).

• Building jumps for your own glory and why kids will always poach your lines before you do a backflip.

• Sordid tales from Rampage dig crews, plus existential questions about penis size and Metallica vs Megadeth that definitely should not be public.

• Additional random nonsense about single-named rappers, beer-fueled philosophical debates, and why most of us probably need therapy.

Things get even more sideways when we try to remember which sponsor still talks to us, plug a questionable pair of pants, and force the guests to answer ridiculous Instagram questions. By the end, you’ll know about the Reza Trails jam, how to get better at jumping (pro tip: don’t listen to us), and why the second hour is somehow even more off-topic.

Professionalism? None. Bad life advice? Guaranteed. Thorough research? Not even a little bit.

If you want stories from people who dig, ride, and talk way too much about their toes, you’re home. If you want actual skill progression, please unsubscribe and don’t tell your coach.

Subscribe, like, or drop a comment explaining why you’re still here, because honestly, we can’t figure it out either.

PS: Don’t skip the song at the end unless you hate country music and joy.

Guest info: Dillon Butcher, Cole Nichol, Reza Trails Check out our store for sick shirts.

Got to our Patreon and give us money. We've added old episodes, downloadable songs, and give you early access to raw, uncut shows for only $4.20/month. We all ride TRP brakes. They're the best. Buy some. Thanks to crankbrothers and Hyland Cyclery and EXT Suspension for always keeping the bikes running. Get 30% off BLIZ sunglasses and more with the code "sponchesmom".

Why aren't you as good as Tylor James? Because you didn't hit Crabapple Hits your first time at Whistler then move to Virgin and start hucking your meat of cliffs. It's okay. Most of us are pussies. He's not. Tylor is a 43 year old dad who started MTB about 4 years ago and he's hit some of the biggest features in Virgin, where he now lives with his wife and four kids. He's one of the nicest dudes and a big reason we've booked so many great guests. Seriously, we hope you find some inspiration listening to his story, whether it's MTB, parenting, or nude pissing in Rob's backyard. Guest info: Tylor James

Check out our store for sick shirts. Got to our Patreon and give us money. We've added old episodes, downloadable songs, and give you early access to raw, uncut shows for only $4.20/month. We all ride TRP brakes. They're the best. Buy some. Thanks to crankbrothers and Hyland Cyclery and EXT Suspension for always keeping the bikes running. Get 30% off BLIZ sunglasses and more with the code "sponchesmom".