In this episode, we explore the deeper patterns that make emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar — even when you want something different.

Rather than framing this as a personal flaw or something you’re “doing wrong,” this conversation explores the deeper emotional and relational patterns that make certain dynamics feel familiar, magnetic, or even safe on a nervous-system level.

I walk through five core reasons this dynamic tends to repeat:

1. Low self-worth: When love feels like something you need to earn, you may be drawn to people who require effort.
2. Inconsistent early relationships: If connection was unpredictable growing up, inconsistency can feel like “home.”
3. Hope, potential, and the saviour role: Why focusing on who someone could be keeps you invested long after the relationship stops feeling good.
4. Intermittent reinforcement: How sporadic affection creates an addictive cycle that’s hard to break.
5. Your own emotional unavailability: The surprising ways pursuing unavailable people can protect you from deeper vulnerability.

This episode offers a compassionate look at why these patterns form — and what it takes to move toward relationships that feel mutual, steady, and emotionally safe.

Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar patterns keep looping, and no amount of “trying” seems to make a difference.

We talk about the inner environment required for real change, and why self-compassion isn’t the opposite of accountability — it’s the foundation of it.

You’ll hear about:

• Why we default to shame when we feel stuck
• The myth that self-criticism leads to better behaviour
• How shame overwhelms an already stressed nervous system
• Why being on your own team is essential for honest self-reflection

👉🏼 Join the January round of my 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

00:00 Introduction 04:13 Why Self-Judgment is So Common06:32 Understanding and Validating Anxiety08:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Growth11:58 Isn't Self-Compassion Self-Indulgent?

Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth, and in a loving partnership. My hope in sharing is that you can see we aren't all that different, and that you feel encouraged to continue on the courageous path of healing.

🖤 If you'd like to explore my Black Friday sale — the biggest I've ever run — click here.