In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.

I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.

At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.

This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships.

So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in.

But what does the middle ground actually look like?

Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.

This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs.

We also unpack:

• Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human need
• How codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptations
• The role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationships
• Why over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuck
• How to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energy
• The importance of having multiple sources of connection and support
• Why doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationships

Nedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating.

If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently.

Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab:

• Instagram
• Website
• Purchase her new book, The Balancing Act

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement.

While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster wheel driven by shame, perfectionism, or a sense of inadequacy.

In this episode, I explore how to recognise when the pursuit of growth is useful and worthwhile —and when it might actually be keeping you stuck.

I also share some reflections on why the deeper goal of healing work isn’t to endlessly optimise ourselves, but to become more grounded, peaceful, and at home within who we already are.

Links

stephanierigg.com

instagram.com/stephanie__rigg