Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Connie is so bored of Cabot Cove. There is nothing to do! And a weekend in Farnsdale isn’t cutting it anymore. She needs more! She needs bigger! She needs brighter! And she would do anything to get it. Carry a dead hobo’s body into a motel? Sure! Lie to a medical examiner? Yup! Commit insurance fraud? You got it! Drag a dead body under the porch, into a waitress's house, and in and out of a van? Absolutely! Anything for a good time.

We ask the important questions. Amin Tipper? Can anyone insult a widow quite like her? Is her book going to the Scholastic Book Fair? Didn't she give 100K to a poo collector? Is her sitting room painted Electric Piss? Does he live in a van down by the berries? What's your best offer to sleep next to a corpse? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Mr. Readford and I have something in common, and it's not the fact that we're both in the Boston society pages. We both came here tonight for a diary auction, and we didn't get one. What did we get? We got murder. Going once! Going twice ! Going three times! Sold! We got Harry McGraw shiners. Going once! Going Twice. Going three times! Sold! We got drugged Jessica Fletcher, Boudoir magazine, and chess sets that survived the Spanish Inquisition. But we did not get our diary auction.

We ask the important questions. Who brought the Vaseline covered headshot? Did she get second billing to the rabbit at the magic show? Was he a throb? Is her hair a messy donut hat? And also How? Are you supposed to fondle the armoire at an auction? Is this a D.A.R.E. situation? Today on Murder, She Recapped!

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote! Jessica is visiting an old teacher friend in Oklahoma, and this area of Oklahoma has everything. It has hog farms that are practically drowning in crude oil. It has a TV studio where the Lord is present. It has a clinic with a life size Jesus statue in the waiting room. And it clearly has a wig shop that is not hurting for business. They are raking in the money at the wig shop. They are selling wigs hand over fist at the wig shop. Everyone shops at the wig shop. Wigs for everyone! Also, her friend is murdered

We ask the important questions. How drunk is non-equity Kathy Bates? Have you ever horn honked at your Grandma? What sound did you make when you saw Sue Beth? How fast would you sniff medical waste? Brocc' N Roll hair on a secretary? Is she headed to the prom for secretary's in their forties? Today on Murder, She Recapped!