"Love of neighbor is a path that leads to the encounter with God… closing our eyes to our neighbour also blinds us to God."
- Pope Benedict XVI, God is Love

We begin with Love because marriage flows from our deepest identity and relationships, not just spousal dynamics. Created in the image of a loving, Triune God, we must first ask who God is and who we are in His eyes. Our relationship with God and with ourselves forms the foundation for loving others. Pope Benedict XVI's God Is Love reveals that eros and agape are inseparable dimensions of love: we are made to give and receive love. God's passionate, faithful love for His people—fulfilled fully in Jesus—becomes the model for marriage. In Christ, love of God and love of neighbor are one reality. Our first neighbor is our spouse, and loving them faithfully is the primary path to holiness and authentic love.

• Love begins with God, not marriage
  Before focusing on spousal relationships, we must understand who God is and who we are in His eyes. Our identity as loved by God is the foundation for all love.
  
  

• You cannot love others without loving God and yourself rightly
  Knowing and receiving God's love allows us to love ourselves truthfully, which is necessary to love anyone else authentically.
  
  

• Eros and agape belong together
  Human desire (eros) is not bad; it is purified and fulfilled by God's unconditional love (agape). Love requires both giving and receiving.
  
  

• God's passionate love is revealed fully in Jesus
  Christ embodies God's self-giving love and draws us into communion—with God and with others—especially through the Eucharist.
  
  

• Marriage is the primary place love is lived
  Spouses are each other's first neighbors. Loving one's spouse faithfully is the clearest expression of love of God and the path to holiness.

Pdf of encyclical: https://www.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est.html

Join the Cana90 Fellowship: https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/fellowship-form/

"Let us begin again, for until now we have done nothing," - Saint Francis of Assisi

As a new year begins, many of us focus on where we fell short instead of how we've grown. In this episode, Mike and Alicia invite parents and couples to reflect on the past year by celebrating the gains—not just the gaps—and to recognize the common traps that keep us stuck, like doing too much, being too busy, comparing ourselves to others, or letting our loves get out of order. From there, they share five foundational ways to begin again and make this year better—not perfect, but better: growing in your relationship with God, becoming more fully who God made you to be, investing intentionally in your marriage, being present and purposeful with your children, and choosing real community. You don't have to plan everything—just put the big rocks in place and start again together.

• Start Right Now: Commit to Growing in Your Relationship with God Commit to Becoming More Fully Yourself Invest in Your Marriage—Starting With Yourself Be Intentional With Your Children Choose Community

• How can we "begin again" together

• Which of these take aways are most impactful for us?

This episode revisits one of the most helpful and down-to-earth conversations on the Messy Family Podcast: Family Board Meeting 2.0. It starts with a simple but challenging idea. We put a lot of thought into our jobs, but when it comes to family life, many of us are just trying to keep up. Between work, kids' schedules, and everyday stress, it's easy to drift into survival mode. A Family Board Meeting is a chance to pause, breathe, and get back on the same page. It's not about being perfect or fixing everything. It's about choosing to lead your family with intention. The episode walks through why these meetings matter, how to keep them practical, and how to avoid turning them into a blame-filled marathon. You'll hear encouragement to dream a little, pick a few priorities, write them down, and actually enjoy the process. Think unity, clarity, and maybe even dinner and a glass of wine along the way.

Intentional families don't happen by accident. A Family Board Meeting is about choosing the important over the merely urgent.

The goal is unity, not perfection. Unity is essential for your children and for your own personal growth.

Dream big, plan simple, act now. You can't do everything. That's okay. Choose the top two or three areas that really matter right now.

Failure is part of the process—and that's normal. Fail fast, refine, and keep moving forward.

Make it human—and even fun. You're building a life together, not just a to-do list.

When can we have these intentional conversations? Should we do a FBM course?

Get the course here: https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/

Get your free guide here: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-board-meeting-guide/

What's it really like growing up in a big family?

In this special Hernon kids takeover podcast, Mike and Alicia's children gather around the mic to tell the honest, funny, and heartfelt story of their upbringing. From loud dinner tables and sibling fights to deep bonds, meaningful traditions, and moments of feeling unseen, the Hernon siblings share what shaped them—for better and for worse.

They talk openly about the challenges of a large family, how sibling relationships filled the gaps when parents were stretched thin, and why intentional traditions mattered more than perfection. Along the way, they relive unforgettable childhood stories (including melted crayons, camping disasters, and a legendary vomiting incident), reflect on personality differences, and offer wisdom for parents raising kids today.

This episode is a gift to parents wondering if they're "doing enough"—and a reminder that love multiplies, even when life is messy.

Most of the siblings admitted they didn't always love growing up in a large family—especially as teenagers. But looking back, they see how it built character, resilience, and lifelong relationships.

Several siblings shared moments when they felt overlooked or unseen. Yet the overwhelming takeaway was this: they knew they were loved, even when time and energy were limited.

In a big family, siblings often become secondary parents, confidants, and companions. Those relationships became one of the greatest gifts of their upbringing.

From Christmas breakfasts and dinner games to family retreats and service visits, traditions created a shared story and sense of belonging that lasted into adulthood.

Fighting, disagreements, and personality clashes were part of the family culture. Learning forgiveness, conflict resolution, and reconciliation turned those struggles into growth.

What stood out most wasn't flawless parenting—but parents who cared, listened, showed interest, and tried to be present whenever possible.

• How do sibling relationships function in your family right now? How might you help strengthen them?

• How do you currently handle conflict in your home—and what might forgiveness look like more intentionally?

• What kind of family culture do you hope your children will talk about someday?

Your decisions may not always be perfect, but you can choose to make them together.

In this week's podcast, we dive into one of the most important truths for married couples: you will never make a perfect decision—but you can choose unity. Today's culture urges us to optimize everything with hacks, experts, and AI, yet the real power in family life comes from spouses acting together. We share our own stories of big decisions—moves, career changes, even grad school—and how waiting for unity brought peace and strength to our home.

Join us as we unpack how to stay united: understanding each other's processing style, praying together, deferring in love, and avoiding the trap of needing to win. Your decisions may never be perfect—but they can always be made together. Tune in and strengthen the unity that makes your family thrive!

"Hospitality and real community starts by inviting people into your messy home…"

In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with best-selling Catholic author Emily Stimpson Chapman to talk about Advent, Storybook for young Catholics, and the beauty of simple hospitality. Emily shares the real, lived rhythms of Advent in her home—reminding parents that peace and prayerfulness grow best when traditions are tied to everyday routines and kept flexible, not burdensome.

Emily also introduces her newest work, The Story of All Stories, a beautifully crafted children's story Bible from Word on Fire that presents salvation history as one unified narrative. Although written for ages 7–13, it has already captivated teens, parents, and grandparents alike.

Finally, the conversation turns to hospitality—how ordinary families can open their homes joyfully, even amid noise, chaos, and little ones. Emily offers practical tips, simple meal ideas, and a vision for welcoming others that prioritizes connection over perfection.

• Advent traditions work best when tied to existing family routines—like dinner—rather than starting from scratch.

• Flexibility in traditions preserves peace and allows your family to embrace the joy of the season without stress.

• Hospitality doesn't require perfection—simple meals and genuine presence build true community.

• Opening your home combats loneliness and helps families live their mission together.

1. What Advent traditions have been life-giving for our family—and which ones cause unnecessary stress?

2. How could we anchor Advent prayer or traditions more naturally into our existing daily routine?

3. In what ways do we tell the story of salvation to our children? Is there room to deepen our approach?

4. When we think about hospitality, what holds us back most—perfectionism, time, or fear?

5. Who is one person or family we could invite over in the next two weeks for a simple, joy-filled meal?

"Learning how to trust God and let go of our fears, worries, and frustrations is the best way to model peace for our children."
— Dr. Gregory Bottaro

This week on the Messy Family Podcast, we are joined by Dr. Greg Bottaro for a heartfelt and practical conversation every parent needs to hear. In this interview, Dr. Greg explains why kids are not naturally built to listen and why so many of us parents end up frustrated. His solution is simple and hopeful. Get clear on the rulebook you grew up with, compare it with your spouse's, and build a shared one that gives your children a steady sense of security. We talk about unity in marriage, how it shapes a child's emotional world, and why kids feel safest when mom and dad stand together. Dr. Gregg also breaks down attachment parenting, pointing out what helps, what stresses families, and why connection between parents matters more than perfect technique. Listen in to get tools for handling anxiety and staying grounded. You will walk away encouraged, supported, and ready to grow as a family (we were!).

Children are not naturally built to listen
Their brains are still developing, so parents need realistic expectations and a shared rulebook to guide family life with consistency.

Parental unity creates a child's secure base
A cohesive marriage provides emotional safety. When parents stand together, children regulate better, feel protected, and thrive.

Attachment parenting works best when parents are connected to each other
The focus should not be on perfect techniques, but on calm, present, regulated parents who work as a team.

Faith and community strengthen parenting
Trust in divine providence and a grounded spiritual life help parents grow in emotional maturity.

Catholic mindfulness reduces anxiety
Mindful presence, paired with trust in God, reshapes anxious brain patterns. Even a few minutes a day can improve decision making, calm fears about parenting, and support healthier family relationships.

• What were our "rulebooks" from our families when we were growing up? How can we create our own rulebook for our family?

• When do we feel most united in our parenting? When do we feel most divided?

"Baby Jesus was an amazing surprise to the world on Christmas morning, and gifts under the tree remind us of that wondrous gift each year." - Regina Doman

Mothers create the environment of the home by what we allow in our house, how we arrange our home, and where things are kept. We are teaching our children all the time, not just by what we say and do, but the home that we create for our families. We communicate what we value and what we want our children to learn by the "stuff" in our home. Moms have to be thoughtful and intentional about this. Listen into this conversation that Alicia has with her sister Regina Doman, author and speaker, about the questions she asks herself before buying items for her family for Christmas. You can hear more from Regina by following her at reginadoman.substack.com

Questions to ask yourself before bringing something into your home…..

• Is it beautiful? Everyone sees beauty differently!

• Is this toy annoying? If you enjoy a toy, your child may too!

• Does it teach the child how the world works? Children learn to trust their senses through natural materials.

• How long will it last? Is it durable and how long will the child play with it?

• Can this child care for this toy? Make sure it is developmentally appropriate

• What are the limitations of our home? Make sure it fits your lifestyle and the space you have in your home.

• Are we intentional about the toys and items that we have in our home for the kids?

• Which of the above questions do I feel strongly about? Let's discuss this.