This is not click bait.
Honestly, I am shocked to find out so many women have not experienced orgasm. It makes me feel tingly between my legs to even say the word. An orgasm is one of my favorite feelings next kissing baby cheeks, the first bite of nigiri or balancing a silky cappuccino out to a sunlit table.
I have always been sexually curious, erotic. I wondered what it meant to be a woman. To be alive.
I’d sip Shirley temples and eat buckets of clams at the restaurant my mom worked at while she finished her shift. With the sweet-sour smell of bread baskets lingering in the air, I learned to roll hot silverware into thick fabric napkins and chat with solo bar patrons on their way to this business meetings. I sparkled in their eyes, bob headed and big smiled, a born entertainer.
I was mostly alone, bored and playing make believe in my head. I taught myself to read off billboards and out of books that lay around our house; my pelvic bone pushing into the floor. I began to notice the good feeling when I wiggled side to side. Fully present with the feelings in my body. Unsure where this burning would take me.
Our bodies are feeling things. They are eating things. They are crying things and they are dying things. And in between those first cries and last breaths we get to live. We get to drink cold water after a long walk. We get to kiss. We get to feel.
Are you holding your breath right now? Or breathing so shallow you aren’t aware you are a body? Did you taste your lunch or just count the macros? Did you eat? Or just choke down the last three Chik Fil A nuggets your kids didn’t eat. Did you create? or just consume, following affiliate links to find what the world, or an influencer, tells you to love? Does your heart break; over the violent vulnerability of it all?
Mine sure does. Grief consumes me often. And luckily, so does joy. I try and remind myself where I am, what luck I have. This might be the only moment, and here again, this one. We have the honor of experiencing this life. All of its joy and all of its pain. Our bodies are meant to feel. The more we sink into this ability in our body the deeper our awareness of ourselves becomes. This intuitive power in our body is a superpower. It allows us to move into alignment. It allows us to be creative. It ebbs and flows with new ways to discover ourselves. Change is inevitable. We are not a project. We are alive.
Orgasm, sex, our erotic senses are powerful. As you move into this connection with yourself you will be more intuitive. Unfortunately, our sexuality is layered with shame, trauma and self-abandonment. We deny our body. So fully in some cases we can hardly feel, hardly taste, hardly see.
This also prevents us from fully loving. Our inability to connect with our own pleasure prevents us from revealing it to others. We wall up, we hide and we protect ourselves from love.
Become aware of your body. Breathe in slowly through your nose and fill your chest, now your belly, now your gut, into your reproductive organs. You are alive and your body wants to feel alive. Ask yourself where you are hiding from yourself and others. Where are you rushing through this moment or protecting yourself from its beauty.
Our challenge is to reconnect and ground ourselves as so much of our world seeks to pull us away from ourselves.
My somatic challenge for you today is to be alone, turn on a sensual playlist, something that makes you feel alive. This is my favorite right now. Stretch, touch your body, sink into a hot tub, touch yourself. Your challenge is to find pleasure in your body. Massage your own neck, sink into a stretch in your hips, make yourself moan, breathe.
<3 Always, Felicia
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