You Just Don't Understand

By: Deborah Tannen

Narrated by: Barbara Rosenblat

Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins

Publisher's summary

Deborah Tannen's number-one best seller revolutionized the way men and women talk - and listen - to each other - at home, at work, and wherever the communication gap between the sexes can lead to troublesome misunderstandings. The problem dates back to childhood, when boys and girls learn to use language in distinctly different ways; years later, their adult efforts to talk often place them at cross purposes - even when both are sincerely trying to communicate. Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends. With You Just Don't Understand, you'll recognize yourself and your own efforts to be understood - and gain valuable insight to help you communicate better than ever before.

©2013 Deborah Tannen (P)2013 Simon & Schuster Audio

A must read for everyone

This book is incredibly important, and all people should read it. I saw in the reviews that some men didn’t like it, but they should really take note because everything in it is completely true. I kept having aha moments when I realized why men in my life do, and say the things that they do.

This book is a gold mine

Barbara Rosenblat did the best reading of all the maybe 25ish books I’ve listened to. That was almost a reason in itself to listen to this book.

The content is a gold mine.

Great work on male-female communication difference

"Nonviolent Communication" is the book I recommend most, and this ties in with it beautifully, but focusing on differences in the communication styles between men and women. It's fascinating to learn about how humans work, such as how women's communication style changes as soon as there are any men in the room, but men use one communication style whether or not women are present. It's also interesting to see the large communication style differences between the sexes from toddlerhood on.

This book was helpful to me almost immediately. A female friend reached out to me to express a fear, and I strove to reassure her by logically explaining why her fear was unrealistic. The book contains a very similar example, and when I remembered it I realized it probably sounded like I was invalidating her fear and telling her that she was foolish to think that way. I tried to make up for my error, to empathize and show that I understood why it was scary.

That's just one example. Much of this book is just "hm, that's interesting" but there's a great deal that's practical and can be used immediately in conversation, or will just change how you approach some interpersonal situations differently. Highly recommended. This is the sort of material I would love to see students taught and trained in before they ever graduate high school.

Mind blown! GREAT BOOK

This book explains why a strawberry candy tastes “weird” if it is blue, and “good” if it is red. Read this book if sociological expectations for communications is a topic that interests you.

Important information

Another great book by Ms Tannen! I wish everyone would read this! Non-judgmental in approach, it opened my eyes to so many conversations that I have unknowingly misunderstood.

Overall very good

This book seriously needs a complete, rewrite and update
Many of her examples, and some of her means of analysis, feel like they come from decades to go, and really have been supplanted by newer perspectives

Explained a lot about my 5 yr old son

I was surprised by how much this book helped me gain insight into the communication style and habits of my 5 yr old son. The descriptions of conversations from the authors research seemed as if my son was one of the subjects. It really helped me gain some understanding of his communication with other girls and boys and is (his parents).

Should be mandatory reading

Wow what a fantastic work. I started listening to it and kept resonating with my real life experiences with my wife. I pushed her to start it and we’ve both been riffing on it with each other. It’s so on point and helps us understand the mechanics of what goes into to what we say and how we say it.

Most significantly this book is written with an incredibly thoughtful approach with no judgment against men or women — it seeks to understand rather than to prescribe changes in behavior. The author is very clear in communicating that it is not necessarily that men are trying to oppress women, for example, but rather that they are treating women as they treat other men and are confounded by how that doesn’t work out. I especially appreciated the example dialogues between young children, between boys and between girls amongst themselves and how we can see patterns of speech developing at such a young age. The authors analysis provides a lot of insight as to how and why speech patterns develop as they do.

Final comment: the narration is fantastic. The narrator does a great job of putting on character voices without sounding over wrought in the dialogue examples and it really enhanced the listening experience for me.

Excellent

The reader was excellent. She was so expressive and clear. The material so very important in life. Can now see some of the humor in arguments and misunderstandings.

This will change your life

Everyone should read or study Deborah Tannen. This is wonderful and insightful. The reading itself was clear and well paced, engaging and quiet enjoyable on the ear.

I also recommend checking out Tannen’s genius classic “That’s Not What I Meant” too… it’s the social Bible we all need to understand, communicate and excel even in the most confusing exchanges! It provides the teachings and tools to help strengthen self awareness and clarity in all of our different interpersonal relationships and areas of life. Don’t think twice, like all Deborah Tannen’s work - this is a diamond.