With or Without You

A Memoir

De: Domenica Ruta

Narrado por: Domenica Ruta

A haunting, unforgettable mother-daughter story for a new generation—the debut of a blazing new lyrical voice

Domenica Ruta grew up in a working-class, unforgiving Italian town north of Boston where in the seventeenth century women were hanged as witches. Her mother, Kathi, a notorious figure in this hardscrabble place, was a drug addict and sometime dealer whose life swung between welfare and riches, whose highbrow taste was at odds with her base appetites. And yet she managed, despite the chaos she created, to instill in her daughter the idea that art—via a classic film or a classical education—could transcend this life of undying grudges, self-inflicted misfortune, and the crooked moral code that Kathi and her cohorts lived by. With or Without You is the story of Domenica’s unconventional coming of age—a darkly hilarious chronicle of a misfit ’90s childhood and the necessary and painful act of breaking away, and of overcoming her own addictions and demons in the process. In a brilliant stylistic feat, Domenica Ruta has written a powerful, inspiring, compulsively readable, and finally redemptive story about loving and leaving.

Advance praise for With or Without You

“Freakishly brilliant, brilliantly freakish, this is one of the best memoirs I have ever read. Domenica Ruta has done something every artist with a failed family must do: She has created herself.”—Gary Shteyngart

“ ‘Make it new,’ Ezra Pound directed, and Domenica Ruta has. Difficult childhoods are plentiful; the talent to transform adversity into art is in short supply. Unflinching in its regard, forgiving in its humor, With or Without You is that rare thing, a story you think you know transformed into one you have to read to the end.”—Kathryn Harrison

“In the world of memoir, Mary Karr’s and Geoffrey Wolff’s exceptional books burn and brighten, like actual stars among strings of tinsel. With or Without You is like that. I will read whatever Domenica Ruta writes.”—Amy Bloom

Reseñas de la Crítica

“A luminous, layered accomplishment.”—The New York Times Book Review

“A singular new coming-of-age memoir traces one girl’s twisting path up from mean streets (and parents) to the reflective life of a writer. . . . The burgeoning canon of literary memoir . . . begets another winner in Domenica Ruta’s searing With or Without You. . . . [A] gloriously gutsy memory-work.”—Elle

“Stunning . . . comes across as a bleaker, funnier, R-rated version of The Glass Castle and marks the arrival of a blazing new voice in literature.”—Entertainment Weekly

“Valiant and heartbreaking.”—Bust

“Powerful . . . Ruta found an unconventional voice, a scary good mixture of erudition and hardened street smarts. Her writing is also, as they say in Danvers, wicked funny—though in her case wicked is more an adjective than an intensifier. . . . [With or Without You] hums with jangled energy and bristles with sharp edges. . . . Ruta writes with unflinching honesty.”—Slate

“Bracingly funny and poignant.”—The Boston Globe

“Exceedingly powerful.”—Booklist

“Domenica Ruta is a real and excellent writer who has language by the throat. She writes with big beauty and drives her story with huge humanism, empathy, and humor.”—Gabrielle Hamilton, author of Blood, Bones & Butter

“Difficult childhoods are plentiful, the talent to transform adversity into art in short supply. Unflinching in its regard, forgiving in its humor, With or Without You is that rare thing, a story you think you know transformed into one you have to read to the end.”—Kathryn Harrison, author of Enchantments

“In the world of memoir, Mary Karr’s and Geoffrey Wolff’s exceptional books burn and brighten, like actual stars among strings of tinsel. With or Without You is like that. I will read whatever Domenica Ruta writes.”—Amy Bloom, author of Where the God of Love Hangs Out

“Freakishly brilliant, brilliantly freakish, this is one of the best memoirs I have ever read. Domenica Ruta has done something every artist with a failed family must do: She has created herself.”—Gary Shteyngart, author of Super Sad True Love Story

It's About Time

I have owned this audio book for 1.5 years. I have officially re-downloaded this book to my iPod three times, so I figure I should talk about why.

I usually chose biographies. memoirs or autobiographies about people who are known to me. So, it was by chance that I gambled on Domenica Ruta. I'm certain it was the reviews of others that convinced me it was worth the risk.

I love this book. Even though I can only commiserate on a small scale with Domenica, as my family's dysfunction pales in comparison to hers and I never (thankfully) developed a dependency on mood altering substances. I can't even confidently say that Domenica has completely overcome her demons and is on a really healthy path, but she is a survivor, a chameleon and has become a seemingly successful human against all odds. Others would have caved and followed the family dynamic, while she chose to see things for what they were, make better choices and extract herself from the chaos in which she was raised and trained.

Why I think this book is amazing is because it is raw, honest and detailed. Domenica's voice is the only one that could have read this story properly. I don't consider her monotone (as another reviewer suggests) she speaks evenly, but impassioned and her gritty tone is the perfect vehicle. Her memories are vividly recalled, as anyone, especially a child couldn't forget what her eyes have seen.

Again, I love this book.

A real and riveting story-beautifully written

This book makes up for every dud I have listened to on audible. The author is unflinching, unyielding in her description of the insanity and chaos she grew up in, yet she doesn't ask for the reader's sympathy or pity. The love-hate-fear triad she feels for her drug-addicted mother is what makes the story so compelling. As in real life, this book is all shades of gray. A mother who neglects her child, shares drugs with her child, turns a blind eye to sexual abuse, but at the same time is determined to secure the best education for her. A mother who seems to care only about getting high and being in love, yet turns a small, failing business into a million dollar enterprise. And then loses it all to drugs.
The author does an incredible job at portraying a relationship fraught with ambivalence and fear. She has an overwhelming love for her mother, yet prays for her death so as to release her from the bondage of codependency and pain. The redemption comes when the author's instinct for self-preservation appears and she begins the journey to find her authentic self.

Jaw-dropping, riveting, amazing book

What made the experience of listening to With or Without You the most enjoyable?

The story moves beautifully between time frames. The writing is full of vivid, shocking imagery, with creative and original phrases.

What about Domenica Ruta’s performance did you like?

The author's voice is compelling and she reads her own work so very well.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes, because I could hardly stop listening!

Any additional comments?

I can't wait for more from Domenica Ruta. She is a fascinating and truly gifted writer.

I hope this author writes more...soon!

Wow! Unable to put this book down from beginning to end! In some ways, I can relate to the author but in many ways, I just feel compassion for her. I hope to read more of her stories. Great narration, too-easy to listen to her voice inflections matching her emotions.

I loved this book

The author uses her words to paint each person and scene from her life in a beautiful, yet painful, poetic way. I felt that I was able to relate to the author many times throughout the book. Small moments were described so perfectly, it brought tears to my eyes, and at the end, she wrapped it up beautifully.