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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

And How You Can Make Yours Last
Narrated by: Paul Costanzo
Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (224 ratings)

Regular price: $24.49

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Publisher's Summary

Psychologist John Gottman has spent twenty years studying what makes a marriage last. Now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen, and maintain your own long-term relationship. This breakthrough book guides you through a series of self-tests designed to help you determine what kind of marriage you have, where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what specific actions you can take to help your marriage. You'll also learn:

  • More sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage
  • Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce
  • Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship
  • Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years
  • There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments- and there's a way around it

Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a marriage - contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling - and provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips, and techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. You can avoid patterns that lead to divorce, and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail will show you how.

©1994 John Gottman (P)2012 Tantor

Critic Reviews

"There's plenty of old-fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect." ( Kirkus)

What members say

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  • Diane
  • ANN ARBOR, MI, United States
  • 06-19-12

Insightful and Easily Understood

If you could sum up Why Marriages Succeed or Fail in three words, what would they be?

Cheap relationship therapy.

Who was your favorite character and why?

There were no characters.

What about Paul Costanzo’s performance did you like?

His voice is very relatable.

What did you learn from Why Marriages Succeed or Fail that you would use in your daily life?

Pretty much everything. The book highlights very common logic errors and character flaws that can wreak havoc on personal relationships. It also assured me that having the specific personality that I do isn't indicative that my personal relationships are doomed forever. Learning to let go of things that don't matter much and how to communicate which things are not negotiable... how mature of me!

Any additional comments?

This book requires a healthy degree of objectivity and self-reflection. Like all self-help type books, it won't change your life. But you will if you decide to internalize any of the sage advice it gives.

10 of 10 people found this review helpful

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Awesomely awesome

Because this book is backed up with scientific evidence, it gives me great confidence in the information it provides. Not only does it provide solid techniques and advise, but it also gives extensive examples of the techniques and advice. I will read this again, and would recommend it to anybody.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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Sizing up your marriage

Dr Gottman is wonderful about putting everyday trials of marriage into manageable struggles. If you fight with your spouse constantly, read this book. If you feel your spouse does not understand you, read this book. Don't wait till the divorce lawyers are in the picture to look for help!

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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Well researched and principles are easy to apply

Any additional comments?

This book is particularly useful because the underlying research is empirical rather than purely theoretical. Highly recommend.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • colette
  • PASADENA, CA, United States
  • 01-01-17

Required reading

Anyone remotely considering getting married should read this book.
I wish I had read it years ago.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Meh

The narrator was very monotonous and so it was hard to listen to sometimes. Overall the information was helpful.

3 of 4 people found this review helpful

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Oh That's Why!!!!

I have learned valuable information and gained so much understanding from this book. Puzzles I have had for years have come to form a more complete picture. I can see in what way I caused so much stress to my exhusband now with my naturally volitile communication style. And I can now look for a man with a similar conflict resolution style with whom to enjoy lively, analytical discussions! Hoorah! I'm not an angry or disrespectful person just because I don't shy away from disagreements. It's just a different style that not everyone likes in a spouse but some, like me, really do. Through this book, this abstract thought of wanting someone more like me has focused and solidified into a concrete concept with easily understood terms. Yay! I'm not a negative, critical, or judgemental person just because I voice to my complaints and love to sometimes take meaning apart to discover what makes it tick. Fighting is not wrong. It's apart of life. Let's just keep it in the ring and above the belt. I totally ate up the concepts in this book on how to not fight dirty. The 4 horsemen are easy to remember and I'm excited to watch my interactions more closely more to make sure they don't creep in. This book is so inspirational. I love that he drew his conclusions from years of experiments rather than just observations with clients. And that he still brought specific examples up for readers to see more clearly what he was explaining.

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things I wished I had known 27 years ago

struggling in my marriage, wishing for nothing more than my wife to look at me the way she used to, this book has provided me with perspective that I wished I had all my life. I'm hopeful that I can use some of this to help salvage my relationship. please read before you are in my shoes.

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Great reading excellent information <br />

This is a great resource of information for marital couples. I will read again and pass it on to others.

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Gottman is gdeat

John Hoffman gives real life applicable strategies off his research. I've known and studied him in the past. But now I'm my good relationship that has normal challenges I have coping mechanisms I didn't have prior. I recommend this!