Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

And How You Can Make Yours Last

By: John M. Gottman

Narrated by: Paul Costanzo

Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

Psychologist John Gottman has spent twenty years studying what makes a marriage last. Now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen, and maintain your own long-term relationship. This breakthrough book guides you through a series of self-tests designed to help you determine what kind of marriage you have, where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what specific actions you can take to help your marriage. You'll also learn:

• More sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage
• Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce
• Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship
• Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years
• There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments- and there's a way around it

Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a marriage - contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling - and provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips, and techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. You can avoid patterns that lead to divorce, and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail will show you how.

Download the accompanying reference guide.

©1994 John Gottman (P)2012 Tantor

Critic reviews

"There's plenty of old-fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect." ( Kirkus)

Insightful and Easily Understood

If you could sum up Why Marriages Succeed or Fail in three words, what would they be?

Cheap relationship therapy.

Who was your favorite character and why?

There were no characters.

What about Paul Costanzo’s performance did you like?

His voice is very relatable.

What did you learn from Why Marriages Succeed or Fail that you would use in your daily life?

Pretty much everything. The book highlights very common logic errors and character flaws that can wreak havoc on personal relationships. It also assured me that having the specific personality that I do isn't indicative that my personal relationships are doomed forever. Learning to let go of things that don't matter much and how to communicate which things are not negotiable... how mature of me!

Any additional comments?

This book requires a healthy degree of objectivity and self-reflection. Like all self-help type books, it won't change your life. But you will if you decide to internalize any of the sage advice it gives.

things I wished I had known 27 years ago

struggling in my marriage, wishing for nothing more than my wife to look at me the way she used to, this book has provided me with perspective that I wished I had all my life. I'm hopeful that I can use some of this to help salvage my relationship. please read before you are in my shoes.

Awesomely awesome

Because this book is backed up with scientific evidence, it gives me great confidence in the information it provides. Not only does it provide solid techniques and advise, but it also gives extensive examples of the techniques and advice. I will read this again, and would recommend it to anybody.

Sizing up your marriage

Dr Gottman is wonderful about putting everyday trials of marriage into manageable struggles. If you fight with your spouse constantly, read this book. If you feel your spouse does not understand you, read this book. Don't wait till the divorce lawyers are in the picture to look for help!

Meh

The narrator was very monotonous and so it was hard to listen to sometimes. Overall the information was helpful.

Well researched and principles are easy to apply

Any additional comments?

This book is particularly useful because the underlying research is empirical rather than purely theoretical. Highly recommend.

awful narration

What disappointed you about Why Marriages Succeed or Fail?

narrator sounds robotic, could not focus on the contentalso, the back and forth dialogue between the couples was tedious

What didn’t you like about Paul Costanzo’s performance?

so monotone and a slight pause after every word

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

disappointment

Excellent , real life !

I’ve read many self help marriage books throughout the years . I’ve been to marriage counseling as well. I am happily married now 37 years. I picked this book to refresh my concepts as my children are all grown and recently married . I learned sooooo much new and inspiring information here ! I’d give this book a 15/10 for real life situational problem solving !

Required reading

Anyone remotely considering getting married should read this book.
I wish I had read it years ago.

Narrator is blah

Great book. A couple points I don't agree with, but overall there is a lot to take away. The downfall for the audio book is the narrator. He sounds like a computer and is not the right person to narrate conversations that couples have.