When Life Gives You Vampires

By: Gloria Duke

Narrated by: Meg Sylvan

Length: 9 hrs and 54 mins

Publisher's summary

Twenty-five-year-old Lily Baines is used to waking up hungover, overweight, and underemployed. Waking up with fangs? Not so much. But when a little light necking has more serious consequences than she ever imagined, Lily is determined to get to the bottom of it or die (again) trying.

Tristan hadn't meant to turn Lily—it's against vampire law—but now that she's here, they need to team up to save both their hides. They strike an uneasy truce, fending off other vampires, Lily's work-rival-turned-slayer, and her mother's tone-deaf romance and fitness advice...all while Lily faces down her insecurities about the fact that she lives in a diet-obsessed world with a body that will never age, never die, and never change.

Falling for her maddeningly gorgeous sire? Easy. Surviving an ancient vampire Master determined to see her twice-dead? Piece of cake. But can Lily ever truly learn to love the woman she'll be forevermore?

©2022 Gloria Duke (P)2022 Dreamscape Media, LLC

Maybe I’m too old..

To enjoy the slang used. Never do I ever want to hear “obvi” start a sentence again.

Just, Yes

Overall I loved this book, I’m not sure it’s the type of book I’ll re-listen to but it’s a wonderful romp through a story I wish I had as a kid. I am fat, I’ve always been fat, and Lily is who I was, and sometimes still am, through my everyday life. The romance is good, that wasn’t the primary interest to me though. There was a lot of self reflection and realization from Lily that was a balm to my soul. She gets stuck in her head, she makes mistakes, and she spirals in ways I can relate to.

I do agree some of the slang is a little a excessive. I say ‘obvi’ too, but with Lily it’s a lot. Some of the dialogue does feel a little wooden and doesn’t make the most sense. I feel like the love interest doesn’t have a whole lot of personality. Attractive tragic backstory vampire who’s rigid in his ways and slowly learns to loose control. I wish we delved more into him.

Despite the flaws this story has a lot of heart. I binged it in a day and I can see the world building and a potential of sequels. I’ll definitely pick them up because I’m curious where it goes.

Also the narrator is phenomenal. I loved her in Touch of Darkness series and she brings it to the table here.

Great easy read

Enjoyed reading this however one thing I didn’t like so much is the way main character would whine about her body / weight a lot felt that went on too much otherwise enjoyed it and some good characters

Fun Listen

I was looking for something different and light and this fit the bill. It’s a fun story with quick pacing and looks to be the start of more adventures to come.

love the message, bored by the story

it is refreshing to read a story about a vampire that isn’t based on preying on young girls, and the way body positivity was brought into the story was well done and it’s very cool to see plus sized people represented in the vampire world. As far as the story, the conflict & resolution was boring. All talk, no real action. We’re talking about years of vampire law undone by two paragraphs.

Fat girls, this will make you cry

****Here there be spoilers****






This book will do some things to your heart. If you grabbed this thinking, "Fat girl finds love." and stick to just that, it's fabulous. Very Fred the Vampire Accountant. Which I firmly believe is a literary masterpiece.

The other option, the one that got me, is it could leave you a blubbering mess. My fellow fat girls, there are parts that could hurt, be warned. Skinny girls, take notice, this is what we go through every single day, every single meal, and every single relationship. No joke, no hyperbole.

Some triggers: fat phobia, restrictive dieting, body insecurity, eating judgement, mother imposed restricted caloric intake at a young age, not believing your deserving of happiness, success or love because of your size.

I literally bawled all the way through chapters 11 to 13. I figured it out the second he said it to her. If faced with that devil's choice, I would have let the council kill me rather than be trapped in my body that I hate for eternity. There's no Tristan for most of us, no one to say we're beautiful, and no one to see beyond our bodies.

For most, it will be a fantastic story of a strong, talented, amazing woman living her best life regardless of the circumstances. It will be encouraging to see Lilly fight her demons and allow love in because, at the core, that is what the book is about. If you've made peace with yourself, you will love it. If you haven't or simply can't, like me, just be prepared from the start.

Due to this, the rest of the story, like the, incredibly wealthy, underwear model level, hot guy who's obsessed with her protection and self worth felt like some major pandering. It felt very, " Let people in and good things can happen." blah, blah, blah. That's not realistic and made it so I couldn't suspend my disbelief to enjoy it as much as a normal person would.

I love you and don't want you to feel these feels if you're not ready. I wish someone had told me.

The idea was great, but the execution was horrible

The constant self sabotage was really getting old fast. Living in a plus size body you do experience issues with self esteem due to society and all the bs that comes with that. What is not a lived experience is others telling you that you are wrong for feeling the way you do in your body. I also felt the main female character was inconsistent. She could say eff off to her love interest but not speak up to her mother. The character and plot development was very weak… and noone uses the word obvi that often. It was a great idea for a story, love the representation but wish it was executed in a more thoughtful way. I would not recommend this book.