When Kids Say They’re Trans

A Guide for Thoughtful Parents

By: Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano, Stella O'Malley

Narrated by: Kit Harvey

Length: 10 hrs and 43 mins

Publisher's summary

Being the parent of a gender-questioning child is confusing. There is a lot of advice out there, but much of it goes against what many parents feel instinctively is the right approach. And the stakes are very high if you get it wrong.

There have been many books written for parents who are facilitating a child's gender transition, but almost none for parents who decide that social or medical transition is not the best option for their child.

Written by three professionals working in the field - Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano and Stella O'Malley - When Kids Say They're Trans is explicitly a resource for parents who want their children to flourish, but do not believe that hasty medicalisation is the best way to ensure long-term health and well-being.

Parents who have successfully helped their children navigate gender distress without resorting to surgery and hormones have done so by actively taking the reins, not waiting until they found the right therapist or doctor. When Kids Say They're Trans will tell you all you need to know, and will give you the confidence to trust your own instincts.

©2023 Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano, Stella O'Malley (P)2023 Swift Press Audio

Critic reviews

'Essential reading for all parents and professionals supporting young people struggling with the issue of gender identity' (Louise Perry)

An essential read

I am a mother of a rapid onset trans-identifying teen and a primary care clinician with nearly 30 years of professional experience. I have found myself completely shocked at the lack of critical thinking around the exponential increase in trans kids, biological females in particular. I have long asked ‘what’s going on?’ Only to be hushed and ‘othered’ by social progressives in my community. Reading this book has helped me regain my confidence as a mom and healthcare provider. The book clearly explains concepts and asks the questions every adult with influence on adolescents should be considering. We should not shy away from this social discourse- our children’s identities and health depend on it.

Book all trans activists should read, but won’t

Though meant for parents, this book can be useful to educators and anyone who works with children and teens. The authors’ approach is down-to-earth, does not promise miracles, but shows the path forward.

I’m a child psychiatrist, and will be referring families to this book.

This is an excellent combination of accumulated wisdom from 3 therapists. The world has needed a book like this for years. I’ll be frequently recommending it.

Highly recommend – a unique book

I‘ve been studying this phenomenon for almost three years from a sociologically interested writer’s perspective, and I’ve found Ayad and O’Malley to be beacons of light in the field (through their excellent podcast Gender: A Wider Lens I also found Marchiano). They’re educated, exceptionally experienced, warm, compassionate and level-headed and see young people from a broader perspective, focusing on personality rather than gender. This book is a crash course in all things gender and a reassurance that a gender distressed kid without a doubt can come to live a positive, meaningful, fulfilling life without being “affirmed”. Can’t recommend this book highly enough.

Solid and sound

This book is a solid and sound guide for parents of young kids who say they are trans. Parents need all the tips provided. I particularly liked the suggestions for what to ask during the surgical consultation before a daughter's mastectomy. Another valuable section is self-care for parents. A few quotes in the self-care chapter that stood out to me:
"The plight of parents of trans identifying young people is uniquely difficult...none are quite like the upside down experience of seeing your beloved child deny her bodily reality and seek harmful and unnecessary medical procedures while the world around you cheers her on and condemns you for being a bigot. For many, this harrowing experience can be the most difficult challenge you have ever faced. And yet sympathy from one's family, friends and community may be in short supply." 
"Parents are often in the doubly difficult position of facing the worst pain of their lives, while having their feelings and experiences invalidated. While we are dealing with devastating loss, we may be told we should be happy or proud while going through the agony of grief."
There are multiple appendix sections of terminology, social and political movements, common co-existing conditions and much more, which is also helpful. The glossary of terms is also useful. I recommend this book to any parent who finds themselves in the worst nightmare of their lives, losing a child to trans ideology and trans medicalization. Listen to it and share it to help other parents. 

The information for parents is very good.

I liked the insights, the easy to follow logic, and the reading of the book.