What really drives people to have affairs?

Author of Affairs: True Stories of Love, Lies, Hope and Desire, Juliet Rosenfeld would say that affairs go way beyond what is immediately obvious in a relationship and that in some cases the probability of someone having an affair pre-dates even the relationship itself. Drawing from years of clinical work, Juliet explores affairs not simply as acts of betrayal, but as windows into the unconscious — into our histories, our unmet needs, our attachments, our fantasies, and the parts of ourselves we often struggle to understand.

In this episode we are asking a deeper question: what is actually happening psychologically when affairs occur? We talk about why and how affairs force us to confront some of the most difficult truths about intimacy, love, dependency, desire, and the stories we carry about being chosen, rejected, wanted, or left behind. For some people, infidelity represents the ultimate betrayal. For others, it raises uncomfortable questions about love, longing, togetherness, loneliness; and what happens to us inside long-term relationships over time.

Behind closed therapy room doors affairs show up in numerous ways, from couples trying to rebuild trust after betrayal, to those paralysed by guilt after crossing a line they never imagined themselves crossing; in the partners left questioning everything they thought they knew about their relationship and themselves; and adults who witnessed infidelity as children and are still trying to make sense of it.

This episode examines the emotional complexity and complicated reality that sits beneath one of the most taboo subjects in intimate relationships.

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What’s considered a normal level of testosterone? Is higher always better? And what does this all mean for our sexual wellbeing?

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Dr Ben Davis — private GP, specialist in men’s health and sexual difficulties, and sex and relationship therapist — for a nuanced and evidence-based conversation about testosterone. Together, we unpack the realities behind the stereotypes, exploring the role testosterone plays across different bodies, how it influences mood, libido, energy, erections and relationships, and why conversations about hormonal health need far more depth and understanding.

We also discuss the rise in testosterone testing and therapy, what “normal” testosterone levels actually mean, the symptoms that might lead someone to seek support, and the importance of looking at sexual difficulties through both a medical and psychosexual lens.

From performance anxiety and stress, to the role of social media and advertising on wellbeing, medications, lifestyle factors and desire fluctuations in relationships; this episode explores the complexity of sexual wellbeing and why there is rarely a single answer.

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This series was brought to you by Lelo, the world-leading luxury sexual wellness brand whose range is built on the belief that a fulfilled intimate life is a vital part of our overall wellbeing—a sentiment that sits at the very heart of this podcast.

Head over to LELO.com and use the code KM15 at the checkout to receive 15% off your order.

Code valid until 30th June 2026

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'Pro porn, pro sex, pro knowing the difference' is one of the many points that Cindy Gallop discusses when talking about how through gaps in good enough education, resources and conversations that pornography became many people's default form of sex education; and how Make Love Not Porn, the platform she's been working on for 17 years can help offer an alternative.

In this episode Cindy holds the position that when shame, guilt, and embarrassment shape our understanding of sex, that this drives our sexual behaviours, and for many creates sexual dissatisfaction and the difficulties that many face in their sex lives today.

She shares her experiences of how and why what she's created is different, and offers a challenge to the performative nature of so much sexual content that is readily available online. Make Love Not Porn is a human-created and user-led social sex platform which reflects the authenticity of human sex lives and diversity of experiences that people are actually having. Importantly a part of this is the visibility of communication, consent, and the realities of when sex doesn't go perfectly.

She also shares the challenges related to the infrastructure around running a business like this, the limitations to raising funding and investment; and the barriers faced by those trying to create ethical, educational spaces in this landscape, and what it means to build something that challenges deeply embedded systems.

New Episode Every Friday