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The Man They Wanted Me to Be

Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making
Narrated by: Jared Yates Sexton
Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (36 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Based on his provocative and popular New York Times op-ed, The Man They Wanted Me to Be is both memoir and cultural analysis. Jared Yates Sexton alternates between an examination of his working class upbringing and historical, psychological, and sociological sources that examine the genesis of toxic masculinity and its consequences for society.

As progressivism changes American society, and globalism shifts labor away from traditional manufacturing, the roles that have been prescribed to men since the Industrial Revolution have been rendered as obsolete. Donald Trump's campaign successfully leveraged male resentment and entitlement, and now, with Trump as president and the rise of the #MeToo movement, it's clear that our current definitions of masculinity are outdated and even dangerous.

Deeply personal and thoroughly researched, The Man They Wanted Me to Be examines how we teach boys what's expected of men in America, and the long-term effects of that socialization-which include depression, shorter lives, misogyny, and suicide. Sexton turns his keen eye to the establishment of the racist patriarchal structure which has favored white men, and investigates the personal and societal dangers of such outdated definitions of manhood.

©2019 Jared Yates Sexton (P)2019 HighBridge, a division of Recorded Books

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One of the most important books of our times

I am a woman, a feminist, and one that, after been hurt by so many “manly men”, had little interest in learning about masculinity. I wasn’t interested in learning what makes these men tick. I follow Jared on twitter and I respect him. And I’m not sure exactly why I decided to give this a chance but I did.

I cried listening to this book in parts, but in a very good way. I can say after listening to this book I find I have the power of understanding that helps me deal with toxic masculinity I come across.

More over, as someone who is repulsed by toxic masculinity all the men in my life are feminist. This book helped me understand the times when my husband didn’t quite make sense to me. I made him read it, it was so affirming to him and we now have a basis for dialog. I have perspective and a Base knowledge to be able to really hear him and my husband now has the words to express his struggles.

Thank you Jared, for sharing something so personal in a way that speaks compassionately and intelligently on this thing that has haunted the lives of so many, men and women alike.

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An unpleasant and uninformative bore

The book advertises itself as an academic book about the woes of toxic masculinity, but it is a self-indulgent autobiography with some pseudo-psychology thrown in for good measure. The book is neither informative nor is it entertaining.

3 of 7 people found this review helpful

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This Book Explained My Dad

After reading this book, I finally understood my Boomer dad's worldview for the first time in my life. Instead of seeing him as an old racist homophobic, I now understand that he is just a scared old white man trying to live up to the impossible standards of masculinity that his generation accepted as the norm.

5 of 15 people found this review helpful

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life changing

Sexton helped to verbalize so many of the feelings I struggle with and the expectations I feel pressing upon me. He helped to explain why anger is my go-to emotional state.

0 of 2 people found this review helpful

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#TruthMedicine

One of the most universally accessible books I have encountered this speaks to all men around the world.

0 of 2 people found this review helpful