The Gaggle

How the Guys You Know Will Help You Find the Love You Want

De: Jessica Massa

Narrado por: Joy Osmanski

The Gaggle captures the zeitgeist of today's "post-dating" world, where the rules for sex, dating, and relationships have completely changed. Instead of dating, women collect a "gaggle" of men who orbit around them, occupying both romantic and platonic roles, but ultimately revealing who and what they want.

It's easy to feel like your love life is nonexistent these days. You know you're great, so why haven't you been on a classic dinner-and-a-movie date since... well, forever? Because, as it turns out, you are now living in a post-dating world, where the old rules for sex and relationships no longer apply. Suddenly, everything and nothing is a date. But this means that you actually have much more going on in your love life than you realize.

Think about all of the ambiguous interactions you have with guys: from a brainstorming session with a coworker, to a drink with an old friend, to a late-night Skype session with an ex who's still in your life. Once you open your eyes, you'll see that you're already exploring all sorts of connections with the men in your life via these "non-dates". And who are all these guys you're non-dating?

Say hello to your gaggle.

The gaggle is the group of guys in your life who play different roles, fulfill different needs, and help you figure out who you are, what you want, and what kind of relationship you ultimately desire. Though no two gaggles are alike, there are 10 types of men a gaggle might include, such as the Ex-Boyfriend Who's Still Around, the Ego Booster, the Hot Sex Prospect, and the Boyfriend Prospect. Romance, excitement, self-discovery, love... all this will be yours, once you stop stressing about dates, labels, and expectations and start thinking of each man you know and meet as a potential guy in your gaggle.

In this clever and groundbreaking debut, based on interviews with women and men across the country, Jessica Massa reveals the ways in which the potential for love is all around you. The Gaggle is the ultimate guide to figuring out what you want - and finding your match - in a world that has left traditional dating behind.

©2012 Jessica Massa (P)2012 Simon & Schuster Audio

Definitely for the under 30 crowd

This book provided an interesting perspective on the modern dynamic of male-female relationships... but... its all about not taking any relationship too seriously while you get a better handle on who you are and what you need. Sage advice for younger people who are still in that phase, but as a 30yr old woman, this book promotes a lifestyle that no longer appeals to me.
To expand on that: It's about taking an A La Carte approach to meeting your relationship needs by acquiring lots of guy friends. Nothing wrong with that when you're young, but it just sounds exhausting to me now :P
It was an interesting read & if I knew a college bound girl who was planning to scour her campus for a husband, this book offers lots of advice for scaling that mentality back a notch (or 5).
However, if you're past the major self discovery phase and are really looking for a good man to partner up with, this book is not for you. For example, the Accessory is a smart, fun guy you take as a "plus 1" to social/work events. This is 1.) unnecessary for a woman comfortable with who she is and 2.) going to scare off a guy that might approach you because he will think you're not available.
The Hot Sex Prospect is fun for a very short while, but no one is above developing a false sense of intimacy over time that will impact your emotional availability to other romantic prospects.
The bits about non-dates and techno-romance are spot on. I also agree with the author that modern women shouldn't concern themselves with out-dated dating standards or old-timey gimmicks.
The guys gaggle holds true as well and offers helpful advice on figuring out where you factor into a guys life.
Overall, it was worth the credit and was an easy, entertaining listen.

Horrifying advice for women

I had to stop listening after only 20 minutes or so. I did not like the way the author kept reiterating over and over and over that dating is done, dating is gone, nobody dates or goes out on dates anymore. “It’s just a bunch of Non dates” she even gave examples of women where the men were clearly not interested, like an alcoholic type rowdy woman who was clearly rejected by a religious man, but kept pursuing him to get out in groups or solo dates, and he finally gave her a chance- and apparently reformed her into a nice girl (?). The book suggested that you message your cute coworkers via IM about topics that they’re interested in which is horrible advice, the workplace is not a dating pool and you can jeopardize your credibility and income. I can’t even remember the worst suggestion of all, basically just pursue men aggressively even if they show zero interest, because, as the author says over and over, dating does not exist, and there are no dates and nobody goes out on dates anymore. The author was happy to include Examples of interviews with young men who say they don’t even go out on dinner dates anymore, what is that? Literally insane. Literally insane. Sorry that young man had no older male relatives to show them how to date.

I’ve gone on countless dinner dates as a borderline gen Z millennial- or waterpark or fair dates or lunch, kayaking, coffee, etc. proper real dates. I felt like the author was trying to force me to manage down my expectations and I really shuddered for any young woman listening who had not yet built the self-esteem to have rejected these half arsed Non dates by now in order to go on real dates. I get it, it’s pretty tough when you’re young early 20s teenager and broke. It took multiple heartbreaks and being used viciously and my body’s safety being put at risk in order to completely stop turning down half arsed hang out non-dates like oh come over to my place type stuff. The stuff the author suggests is “cool”. It was a very strong “be a cool girl and just hang out casually because no man will take you on a date anymore, it doesn’t exist!” I wouldn’t be surprised if the author was a man using a pen name.

I thought the book was literally joking like I was waiting for the punchline where they said oh that’s terrible advice. Don’t do any of that.


I thought the book would be about how you need to consider your other social obligations as potential opportunities to meet men.
I thought the book would be like go to brunch with your platonic friend Dave so that he can introduce you to some of his friends or you might meet a cutie in line for the bathroom or something. No, it literally suggest that you go to brunch with Dave so that eventually Dave might get into a relationship with you, even though he shows zero sign of interest. Crazy.


The rules handbook/not your mother’s rules is a much better book. If you follow the advice in this book, you are likely to end up getting used by some bare minimum, below bare minimum, taker of a man who won’t even commit to you let alone take you to dinner.

Horrible

Would you try another book from Jessica Massa and/or Joy Osmanski?

NO

What was most disappointing about Jessica Massa’s story?

I didn't appreciate the language and it wasn't very insightful. It was all information that is just plain common sense.