Synchronized

The Science of Love

By: Ruth Feldman

From a leader in the field of human bonding, a groundbreaking investigation into the biology of love, a pathway to create strong attachment, and a method for healing for the wounds of trauma—all powered by the amazing physiological processes of bio-behavioral synchrony.

We’ve all read about our attachment types, our love languages, and our symptoms of trauma. But until now we’ve had little idea what activates these central parts of our existence. The answers lie in science of synchrony, which Ruth Feldman founded over three decades ago. This groundbreaking book reveals how synchrony binds us together across the relationships we hold dear—with our parents, our children, friends, lovers, therapists, coworkers, and social group members. Synchrony can even form bonds of empathy and caring between former enemies. It helps us to reduce stress, face challenges, find a sense of meaning, and build lasting resilience.

Synchrony goes beyond connecting us socially—it also connects us biologically. Our hearts beat together, oxytocin is simultaneously released in our bodies, and our brain rhythms entrain. It expands the boundaries of the self. Synchrony is the biological signature of the magic feeling we call “love.” The systems in our bodies that stimulate and sustain it are activated by behaviors that can be learned, practiced, and improved.

Throughout the book, you’ll find a wide variety of stories demonstrating how to practice synchrony in ways that enrich and repair your relationships, whether with your romantic partner, with your children as they grow older, or with an old friend. Dr. Feldman has developed proven interventions to build synchrony when it has been lost among couples in deep conflict, between depressed mothers and their infants, in outgroup members who harbor suspicion and prejudice, and following mass trauma. When people learn to synchronize, new pathways to healing open.

Today, we find ourselves part of the first generation of mass loneliness. We’re over-stimulated by noise and under-stimulated by touch. But this journey through science, emotions, literature, joyous social moments, practical strategies, and human stories shows us how we can create, improve, enjoy, and derive meaning from our bonds, before it’s too late.