Loving your family well isn’t always as simple as it sounds. There are seasons when connection feels easy, and others when you feel unseen, unheard, or like your efforts just aren’t landing.

In this episode, Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, shares insights from decades of helping couples and families better understand how to give and receive love. With the release of his latest book, the conversation goes deeper into how love languages can shape stronger, more meaningful relationships at home.

We talk about what to do when you don’t feel loved, how to better understand your spouse and children, and why taking the first step in showing love can shift the entire dynamic of a relationship. There’s also practical wisdom on how to approach hard conversations with care and intentionality.

This episode is a powerful reminder that small, consistent choices in how we love can make a lasting impact on our families.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Gary Chapman

01:43 The Importance of Feeling Loved

03:43 Gary Chapman's Life and Work

04:58 Understanding Love Languages

08:42 The New Book: The Love Language That Matters Most

12:39 Communicating Love Effectively

16:46 Identifying Love Languages in Children

17:49 Understanding Love Languages in Early Childhood

20:55 Practical Parenting Tips Using Love Languages

24:38 Engaging with Teenagers: Navigating Independence

29:32 Adapting Love Languages for Teenagers

32:23 Legacy of Love: Reflections on Parenting and Faith

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:

Connect with Dr. Gary Chapman

5 Love Languages

5 Love Languages free test

5 Love Languages Premium Assessment

The Love Language That Matters Most - new book

5 Love Languages of Children

5 Love Languages of Teenagers

Open a LearningRX center

Prefer video? This episode is on YouTube!

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (John 12:3)

In the story of Mary and Martha, Mary was the sister who understood the big picture and spent a lot of time at the feet of Jesus. First, she sat at his feet as a disciple would do and listened to Jesus as he taught. Later, she anointed Jesus’s feet with expensive perfume and washed them with her hair.

It would have been easy for Mary to be distracted and overwhelmed like her sister became. There was a lot going on and there were a lot of people in her house! Jesus was staying with them and the end of his ministry was nearing. He had also just resurrected their brother! Mary could have multitasked her way through that dinner, but she focused her whole self on Jesus instead.

We live in a culture that tells us we can have it all and do it all, and we can multitask and be more efficient. But we can’t multitask Jesus. Jesus was not suggesting that Mary (or Martha) completely disregard their responsibilities, but he was calling them to focus fully on the most important thing, which was him in that moment.

What would it look like for our families to focus on Jesus without distractions? As parents, we can model abiding in Christ and encourage our kids to do the same—to experience the gift of learning from him about eternal things instead of rushing around focusing on the present.

This week, let’s pray that our kids say no to distractions and grow in their ability to solely focus on Jesus and truly abide in his presence.

Jesus, thank you for being our teacher and our Savior. I pray that __________ chooses to sit at your feet and focus on you. As they do the work you have called them to, help them to remember that you are the most important thing. When they are distracted, as they inevitably will be, draw nearer to them. Amen.

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org