No Big Deal

From Athlete to Advocate (A Memoir of Childhood Betrayal and a Journey to Justice)

By: Torey Ivanic

Narrated by: Torey Ivanic

Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins

Publisher's Summary

"No big deal"...for 15 years, these words kept Torey Ivanic from telling her parents, friends, and boyfriends about her interactions with the gymnastics coach who utterly confused her young mind, body, and soul - who had, she eventually came to understand, sexually violated her.

In this memoir, Torey transparently and brilliantly shows how the abuse started, the collateral damage it created in her young life, her realization that it was a big deal, and her journey of healing and justice. After helping to put her perpetrator in prison for 43 years, she created a new life full of real love and joy and became an advocate for sexual abuse prevention.

Most importantly, Torey has lit the path for other victims and their loved ones to:

• Understand exactly how grooming happens 
• Realize it was and is a big deal, and not their fault 
• Identify and address collateral physical and emotional fallout
• Open space for healing 
• Become an advocate for justice and prevention

Whether you have been telling yourself that it was no big deal, or you know it was a big deal and need to know it's possible to move forward - and especially if you have young children and don't know how to protect them - this is the book for you. It is a big deal. And there is something we can do about it.

©2018 Torey Ivanic (P)2019 Torey Ivanic

I’m “Jill” in this book, and I thought it was going to be easy to write this review...NOPE!

I figured that I would just corroborate the stories, nod my head with words, and support the efforts that would help to allow the healing that both of my teammates deserve. Nice try, but not quite.

“Tell me that you love me!” Greg said that to all of us. And I did. Why wouldn’t I? Here was a older-brother figure, who certainly liked me more than my own brothers, had an infectiously positive personality, was highly intelligent, witty, charming, and off-the-richter scale with charisma. He genuinely cared about us, as budding humans, not just athletes.

Torey and I were not super close. I was substantially older so we weren’t teammates for a long period of time. However, as anyone who has formed a bond through a team or collective experience realizes, those relationships continue to strengthen as our interest and attention to those ideals eventually fade. So, it’s not surprising that she opened up to me in vivid detail the events that unfolded after I left for college.

I remember reading the public forum with regard to the charges brought against Greg. I recognized many of the names chiming-in, in support of Greg and defaming the characters of his accusers. ‘Had I not heard the details from Torey herself, I probably would have been on that same side of the fence as all the others. That same thought would have stomped through my mind, “there is NO WAY that Greg could have done any of this!” How could such an immaculate example of humanity, destroy the innocence of these girls’ exploration of their adolescence? Well...he did. And he also destroyed their trust, confidence, and their ability to know joy in their adolescence and beyond.

The best part of this book is when Judge Krichbaum delivers the sentencing. Anyone who is, or is considering to become, an attorney; should read this book for that part, alone. A pivotal moment, where the judicial system MAY fail the precise people it is in place to protect; is resurrected by the WISDOM executed in the interpretation of ALL factors involved. Gold medal on top of the Olympic podium in the game of Justice.

I’m proud of Torey for having the courage to undertake this venture. There is therapeutic power in telling your story. So don’t listen to those who tell you that your story isn’t relevant, isn’t important...that it is “No Big Deal,” because it is, and you ARE.

An open, heartfelt and important story

Narrated by the author, this audiobook provides a necessary and important message: society has created an elaborate system that protects abusers and leaves the victims to fend for themselves as they attempt to recuperate from their trauma. Because of this, the courage and conviction it takes for victims to come forward and expose the truth is heroic. Torey is such a hero and risked it all in order to create a world based in principles of justice and truth. Though I was never involved in the world of competitive sports growing up, this was a revealing insight into just how easily power dynamics can create situations of harm for young athletes. I highly recommend No Big Deal.

5 Stars

Loved listening to her story and it was even better since the author read it herself. This is the first time I've read a story written in this format but it works! I actually felt like I was there with her reliving her story. Would definitely recommend!