Momma I Should Have Listened

A Voice of Pain and Power

By: Tosha Mills, BJ Smith

Narrated by: Susan McGurl

Length: 3 hrs and 19 mins

Publisher's Summary

Never has society focused on a mother’s life after her child has been incarcerated until now. In this heart-wrenching memoir, Tosha shares a highly detailed journey of how she propelled through the physical and mental exhaustion of dealing with a dying mother and a prodigal son. 

She spent endless hours fighting to keep her oldest son, BJ, out of the realm of juvenile delinquency. However, his continued disobedience and criminal conduct resulted in a harsh prison sentencing. Now faced with a huge internal conflict between unconditional love and unconditional acceptance, Tosha realized that she could no longer help her son; she now had to truly employ her own mother’s practices of tough love.

One occasion after another, Tosha saved BJ from touching the burning flame; however, he still had an unrelenting thirst that could only be quenched by getting burned. This time, the burn was unimaginable. He left her broken in grief to be with his father and live the dream of being “free”. This dream quickly turned into a nightmare that would last for 40 years.

Her worst nightmare had come true, and all the remorse, embarrassment, and regret crashed upon her at once. Despite dealing with depression and delusion, she was persistent in her personal fight and in supporting a household with hopes that her story would resonate with other parents dealing with a child entrapped in the fantasy life of the streets.

As tough as this battle was, it only intensified. Even though only one member of the family was incarcerated, the whole family was mentally enslaved as of a result. In a series of poems and letters, Blake and Tosha express their confusion and desolation throughout their experience dealing with an unjust justice system. 

Heartfelt correspondence between this mother and son communicate their acknowledgment for their faults and triumphs that contributed to their journey with aspirations to be a wind of encouragement for families that are suffering the same fate.

©2017 Tosha Smith Mills (P)2020 Tosha Smith Mills

What is the real product of the American slavery counter culture?

Wanna talk real Black History? Let’s talk about how the appeal of street life is luring our kids into this microwave culture of fast money, fast fame, false notoriety, and disregard for the plight of our forbearers to save us from the for-profit prison pipeline waiting for us.

No matter if we provide a two-parent home, or a single parent home, as parents we can do all right things and our children are still heavily influenced by the appeal of instant gratification and they quickly become targets for the justice system.

What have we as an entire American culture really learned from systemic oppression? That we should rise up and overcome the odds, for sure. ✊🏽 Perhaps that because our parents did so well, then it’s better that we should get money, cars, fame, likes, and followers just to make them proud? But what about our mothers? What about their struggle to teach us honorable ways to live and grow? In what ways is fast money more appealing than honor and respect?

Some of us came from single moms that did nothing but the best to provide us with powerful examples of hope, ambition, and continuing education. Tosha Smith-Mills is one of those remarkable women who had to battle with unconditional love for her prodigal son and protecting herself from his rebellious ways. All the while, she employed some tough love and learned that while she may have done all she can for her son, she could still go out and empower another mother.

And that’s all any of us can do, really. Go out and help someone else who needs it. Know better, do better.

I can appreciate how Ms. Mills has become a beacon of hope for mothers in the struggle. She has sought to not only educate the children, but the parents as well. A rising tide lifts all boats. This book is highly recommended to any one with any notion to lift up our community and overcome self-limiting beliefs.