Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake

A Memoir of a Woman's Life

By: Anna Quindlen

Narrated by: Anna Quindlen

In this irresistible memoir, the New York Times best-selling author and winner of the Pulitzer Prize Anna Quindlen writes about looking back and ahead - and celebrating it all - as she considers marriage, girlfriends, our mothers, faith, loss, all the stuff in our closets, and more.

As she did in her beloved New York Times columns, and in A Short Guide to a Happy Life, Quindlen says for us here what we may wish we could have said ourselves. Using her past, present, and future to explore what matters most to women at different ages, Quindlen talks about:

Marriage: “A safety net of small white lies can be the bedrock of a successful marriage. You wouldn’t believe how cheaply I can do a kitchen renovation.”

Girlfriends: “Ask any woman how she makes it through the day, and she may mention her calendar, her to-do lists, her babysitter. But if you push her on how she really makes it through her day, she will mention her girlfriends. Sometimes I will see a photo of an actress in an unflattering dress or a blouse too young for her or with a heavy-handed makeup job, and I mutter, ‘She must not have any girlfriends.’”

Stuff: “Here’s what it comes down to, really: there is now so much stuff in my head, so many years, so many memories, that it’s taken the place of primacy away from the things in the bedrooms, on the porch. My doctor says that, contrary to conventional wisdom, she doesn’t believe our memories flag because of a drop in estrogen but because of how crowded it is in the drawers of our minds. Between the stuff at work and the stuff at home, the appointments and the news and the gossip and the rest, the past and the present and the plans for the future, the filing cabinets in our heads are not only full, they’re overflowing.”

Our bodies: “I’ve finally recognized my body for what it is: a personality-delivery system, designed expressly to carry my character from place to place, now and in the years to come. It’s like a car, and while I like a red convertible or even a Bentley as well as the next person, what I really need are four tires and an engine.”

Parenting: “Being a parent is not transactional. We do not get what we give. It is the ultimate pay-it-forward endeavor: We are good parents not so they will be loving enough to stay with us but so they will be strong enough to leave us.”

From childhood memories to manic motherhood to middle age, Quindlen uses the events of her own life to illuminate our own. Along with the downsides of age, she says, can come wisdom, a perspective on life that makes it satisfying and even joyful. Candid, funny, moving, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake is filled with the sharp insights and revealing observations that have long confirmed Quindlen’s status as America’s laureate of real life.

©2012 Anna Quindlen (P)2012 Random House

Critic reviews

“A reporter by training, a storyteller at heart, [Quindlen’s] writing is personal, humorous, and thought-provoking.” ( Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

“Quindlen is an astonishingly graceful writer.” ( San Francisco Examiner)

“Thank goodness for Anna Quindlen. [She] is smart. And compassionate. And witty. And wise.” ( Detroit Free-Press)

Story of our times

What made the experience of listening to Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake the most enjoyable?

I loved it. It is for women of a certain age who have come of age at a particular age. Like Nora Ehpron, Anna Quindlen is trailblazer for those of us who are a few years behind. She talks so frankly about her life and experience as a woman that she talks for us all. There is none of this nonsense that 60 is the new 40. It is about being 60! It is about now. So get over it.

Which character – as performed by Anna Quindlen – was your favorite?

Being herself. That is the joy of being who you are right now.

Truly articulate account of boomer women

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes, particularly women or anyone who wants to understand them. In fact, I have recommended it to my children to give them more insight into me, as well as to other women such as my sisters.

What did you like best about this story?

These memoirs, read by the author, are well arranged and resonate amazingly with my own experiences as a woman of similar age.

What about Anna Quindlen???s performance did you like?

Lovely! Feels like she is talking to you personally.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Really, several. Her discussion of mortality was moving. The way she talks about a relates to her children also hit home.

Any additional comments?

I will listen to this again, but, unusually, I will also now go buy the book for handy reference. I hope she follows in the vein of others who have written memoirs, and we will see another when she is 75.

These essays are about much more than aging.

Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake is the first book of Anna Quindlen's essays that I have read, and I'll admit I approached it with some trepidation. Many of the reviews were just so-so, and after reading (and loving) several of her novels, I did not want to read a so-so Anna Quindlen book. Not every one of the essays in this book spoke to me, but there were several (especially Stuff, Mothering, and Faith) that were so good that they more than make up for the rest.

This book is touted by the publisher as a celebration of aging, and while Quindlen does write about getting older, it is not a precious collection of old-age aphorisms. There were several instances where I began to think that Quindlen might possibly have an easier and more comfortable time growing older than a woman in average circumstances who might not have a country place with a pond to walk around, or affordable healthcare, let alone a trainer who can help her with "the stories she tells herself." But Quindlen does not make apologies; she doesn't preach and she does write with honesty. One of the reasons I like Anna Quindlen's writing is that she makes me think, and she manages to do that here through wonderfully written and thoughtful prose.

What comes across most to me is Quindlen's incredibly deep attachment to her children and to her job as a mother. This is where her writing really shines. She writes ideas that I've also thought about, but she expresses them infinitely better than I could manage myself.

"Being a parent is not transactional. We do not get what we give. It is the ultimate pay-it-forward endeavor: We are good parents not so they will be loving enough to stay with us but so they will be strong enough to leave us."

Anna has told our familiar story so well!

Would you consider the audio edition of Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake to be better than the print version?

I only have the audio edition, and I love hearing Anna tell her story herself. I probably would not read the print version, given the choice.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake?

There were many; the ongoing and repeated recognition of times and events and interactions that reminded me of my own story will make this book one I listen to over and over.

What about Anna Quindlen’s performance did you like?

Anna reads her own words very well; in her apparently effortless style, she is like a close friend relating her story to me.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No, I enjoyed hearing it in bits and pieces...going back and hearing it again. It never gets old.

Very thought provoking

Really enjoyed hearing Anna herself narrate. At 60, she's very insightful into aging, but a bit negative. She hopefully has many more years ahead of her, but seems to act like a 90+ year old in her opinions.

Old friend

I’ve been reading Anna’s novels for years. I am so glad she narrated her book herself. I felt like I spent a long hot summer weekend with an old friend talking about children growing up, loosing loved ones and helping parents die with dignity.
My favorite line
“The woman’s rights movement told us we could be more than caregivers and today we are caregivers to more people than ever.”

An insightful tale into wisdom of aging

A wonderfully written memoire in which the author shares her views on aging, generation gaps and what we can all learn from each other young or old. A delightful book to listen to.

Lots of Memories, Plenty of Pleasant

What did you love best about Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake?

It may be just my age, as Quindlen is just a little older than I, but I felt like I was having coffee with my best read and most articulate friend.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Her husband seems like a lovely man, there aren't that many kind, supportive men in the literature I seem to choose.

Which character – as performed by Anna Quindlen – was your favorite?

Anna herself!

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

She discusses how much she resented leaving college to care for her dying mother, and how her mother tried to give it a positive spin as something to write about later. i found that very moving, It reminded me so much of my own mother, and how much more comfortable mothers are giving than taking.

Any additional comments?

Realistically, this memoir will not appeal to everyone, but if you are of an age to have experienced the early years of the feminist movement, you will really enjoy this entertaining, happy read.

bought extra copies for friends

Would you listen to Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake again? Why?

yes. Lots of touching little episodes and phrases that I'd like to remember.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake?

My memory is terrible, so I can't remember memorable moments.

Any additional comments?

I rarely rate and review, because it takes too long, but I did love this book.

Excellent

I really enjoyed this book. I like listening to her thoughts and related to just about all of it. I'm the same age. Every now and then you find a book and it feels like a treasure. That's what this one is. There were moments where I just laughed out loud. Lots of wisdom! It's a very fun read.