Life or Death

By: Russell Robinson

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Life And Death

I invite you into a story—my story. I’ve chosen to leave out names, not out of disregard, but because this journey is not about them. It’s about me. While others have certainly impacted my life, it was my own choices—both in response to what was done to me and in the things I did—that led me into a cycle of self-punishment.

When I look back, I see how pivotal they were. At the time, I didn’t realize how close death lingered—silent, invisible, yet always near. Life was in my hands, but like many, I often chose death. Why is that?

As I grew older and began to understand biblical truth, I found myself drawn to Psalm 51:4 - 6, where David confesses:
“Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: That thou mightiest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; And in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts; And in the hidden part thou shalt make me know wisdom”

Okay, that sounded good, but where was this when I was a child and needed answers to seeing the death of family? Where was this identification when I was feeling a void of love from others, when all I wanted was love? Well, at the time, it seemed easier to buddy up with death, and not knowing where this so-called death was, it was easier to hide behind pain and medicate pain back then than to identify with anyone with what was going on with me. The question was inside me, who would understand anyway?

So, I am going to write this the way I prepared back in the late 90’s so follow this very carefully.