Life Sucks After You Die

Twice Bitten, Book 1

By: Crystal-Rain Love

Narrated by: Danielle Muething

Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins

Publisher's Summary

What do you get when you mix an incubus bite with a vampire bite?

A shitastrophe. 

All I wanted to do was go to a bar and drown my sorrows in some alcohol, but I had to get attacked by an incubus. Now, I'm being guarded by a hunky but oh-so-irritating vampire (who bit me, too) while the incubus stalks me.

Being guarded by the sexy vampire probably wouldn't be that bad if not for the fact that my perfect boss has finally noticed me. Try dating while a vampire guards you way too closely and an incubus tracks your every move, waiting to pounce.

Then, there's some creepy hunter guy who also wants to kill me. The sun wants to kill me. Human food wants to kill me. Don't even get me started on my family.

Life sucks after you die!

©2018 Crystal-Rain Love (P)2020 Crystal-Rain Love

This wasn't for me, but don't let that deter you.

After having been savagely bitten by a powerfully deranged Selander Ryan, 28 year old, involuntarily single Danni Keller narrowly escapes death one drunken night at a bar. Rider, her super attractive savior, takes it upon himself to protect Danni by giving her his vampire bite. Now a baby succubus-vampire hybrid, Danni deals with the aftermath of how much life sucks with an incubus stalker and creepy hunter chasing her, both of whom are out to destroy her.

Not only did Rider save Danni, but he also saved this story for me too. He has the patience of 1000 saints, though I question his sanity because I don't know what he sees in her aside from her "perfect" (his word, not mine) looks and the ability to drive him crazy with her stubborn a~ss. As for me, the FMC was pathetic, judgemental, and too stupid to live. Yes, I know, I'm judging her with my review, but I think you'd agree with me when she kept on referring to Rider's ex-sex-worker blood donors as STD-ridden hookers, even after MULTIPLE corrections!

If that makes them hookers, then she's a GRADE A shallow gold-digger with her sights set on Dex, the rich, good looking boss as her future husband. I'm highly suspicious of his new-found interest in her, not unless he's got a weakness for cringey interactions. I mean, who wouldn't love a woman with rock bottom levels of self-esteem and a loser, woe-as-me self-absorbed attitude, amirite? Thank the heavens Nanette the nurse calls her out on her bull and lays on the cold, hard truth. Danni's sure as hell lucky she's not a demonic succubus THOT for her incubus pimp, or rotting as a corpse, AND her sire is so liberal with her. But does she feel grateful? Nope. She's awful towards him, blames him because she has to drink blood, can't eat human food, sunburns easily, can't get breast augmentation with her current body so she has to live with her "mosquito bites." But she didn't end up like this in a vacuum: her family consists of terrible matriarchs and a golden-child older sister. They all openly criticize her appearance and lack-of-man social status.

I think I'd have enjoyed the story more if 1) I read the ebook instead and 2) if it made me laugh instead of wanting to smack Danni upside her head most of the time. How could she be so blind to how awesome Rider is? How can she be such a doormat when she's around her family, but such a PITA to him? It just doesn't make sense. It was a DNF at 80% for me. I was given this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

I wanted to like it

I like the premise of this book and they gave their paranormals a different history and weaknesses. But the main character is supposed to be a mature adult and yet acts like a spoiled teenager. She is supposed to be so insecure and acts like a fool yet they try and portray her as a sting independent woman who won’t let a man run her. She is so contradictory that it makes you wonder at the plan for her character to grow. She supposedly makes a decision to help the others and then turns around and makes the same mistake she had already made earlier in the book. He denial and lack of accountability screamed child and yet she’s a late 20s marketing executive .
I’m hopping the next book will be better. I think the basis is good let’s see if the execution come through.

Awesome

Absolutely love this narrator and story collectively. Just wish the rest was available in audible because I can't go without hearing this vs reading lol

Funny, but Predictable

So here’s the deal: this is a cute story. There’s some humor, and some great one liners. The main character has some relatable mishaps, and definitely thinks she has a boob problem.

But while she’s funny, there’s almost zero character development. For anyone.

The hero is just an alpha male that isn’t very alpha. A bad guy that isn’t a bad guy. He’s just…a guy that is pretty close to perfect.

The heroine is predictably flawed - beautiful but doesn’t realize it, insecure, limited sexual experience and has a series of mishaps that have to do with her being humorous and/or kind of an oddball.

Together, I didn’t feel the chemistry. While it’s a sweet get together, I didn’t feel the turmoil of the buildup. It’s like you always knew they were getting together, and the H was just…there to be the romance element. That’s it.

If you are looking for a vampiric tale that doesn’t take itself seriously, is an easy read and has some great moments of humor - this is for you. It’s along the lines of Molly Harper’s Good Girls Don’t Have Fangs which fits a specific mood. Just take it for what it is.

As for the performance - it was okay. It was well edited, and I didn’t find any errors. That said, I’m just not crazy about the actress. Her men all sound very similar, and I just felt like the heroine was very monotone. But when it comes to the main components: editing, errors, etc. it his the mark.

A fun listen

Enjoyable story- adventure, action, some hot tension and humorous/laughable dialogue. The story seemed to wrap itself up with the ending, so I’m not sure where a sequel could go from here- but I’ll probably be checking it out 😊

Don't waste the credit

I really wanted to like this book but the main character is awful. Dani just made me want to smack some sense into her over mad over. I agree with other reviews that she is a total brat. It was a hard book to get through. The narrator was fine but not the best I have heard. Overall, I would skip this one.

It had promise

I thought this could be a pretty interesting story, but the heroine was awful. I get wanting to write a strong female lead, but this went past strong and into obstinate brat territory doing horrible things and calling for her man to save her. Plus she had so many poisonous ideas about the women around her it was almost painful to read all that insecurity.

Life Sucks After You Die

Although Danni does seem to be a bit of a brat and have major self esteem issues, she grew on me as the story progressed. Ryder is such a patient character that is willing to go the distance to keep Danni safe from all her enemies that she gained overnight. I enjoyed listening to this book and with the way it ended, you could stop there, but I will be getting the next when it comes out.

I was give a copy in exchange for an honest review.

Funny and exciting

This was a great book! What's not to love about a Vampire Romantic Comedy? I enjoyed this story very much. Great ending, wish it were longer :)

Excellent!!

I LOVED this book and the audio version did not disappoint! It was very easy to follow as each character had a different voice that matched their personality. The characters were really brought to life. I hope the rest of the series gets converted into audio as well.

Trashy Fun

this was exactly what I was looking for, as something to listen to while I do repeating tasks. just some trashy fun. as long as you go in not expecting subtle writing and a deeply intricate plot. it's just fun effervescent trashy vampy romance and I wouldn't have it any other way.

not a fan

like premise of the story, but the female lead got on my damn nerves 😒 😑 she just made stupid decision because I am woman hear me roar. as a female I'm disappointed for humanity

Great

Really enjoyed listening Danni is headstrong and even though Ryder warns her what she should and shouldn’t do she goes ahead and does it her way and suffers.